Demeter had packed my stuff for me when i moved here to earth. So like, why'd she have to include my centuries old report cards? Whoa- what a wipeout surfin through these moldy scrolls! Lemme read these, they gotta be worth a laugh or something, whatever.
At the Olympian Deity Academy, back in them days, we had both titans and gods as teachers. Nooooo it wasn't a one-room acedemy- as if! I ain't that old. Okay, i been around awhile but i don't look it nor will I ever.
Anyhoo, i'll just dip my paws in this mess of scrolls and read whatever report card pops up first. Okaysie?
I had Artenis for gym & outdoor rec. Probably my least fave class. I actually sweated and had dirt under my nails. So not fair!
Gym & Outdoor Recreation
Grade summary: C-
dite's strong points are in track where she has excelled. She told me her motivation in track was to believe she was running for a 50% off sale at the Olympian Fashion Mall. She did agree to run track for Olympus where she did win quite a few matches. As her track coach, I will say it was nice to see the stands filled on days that dite ran, although I believe too many specatators were there to watch her body and not interested in the sporting competition itself.
dite was very good at boosting confidence in other classmates. Her own confidence in herself was strongly lacking.
She showed less than average skills in forest based activities. Her performance during calisthenics was atrocious. She whined and complained about performing sit-ups, push-ups and especially jumping jacks. These were areas that she did not show much improvement in during her time as my pupil.
She did improve in team sports after a very poor start. I contribute her improvement to the teasing she recieved from Athena and others in that group. I should have reprimanded Athena for being so hard on dite, but seeing the very noticeable change in dite gave me pause to let Athena's poor behaviour inspire dite.
My recommendation for post-Academy assignment for dite is a divinity in either the arts or social skills.
I don't blame Artie for givin me a poor grade. She knew a D would send Zeusy into rage. I wondered at the time why she'd mention Athena by name on my card. Like, teachies rarely did that. But me thnks she was worried about Athena someday taking over her deityhood. Athena never liked wittle ole me.
For science, it was Professor Hyperion. He was a titan and boring as all get out. He'd repeat himself a lot, which made a lot of us fall asleep during class. At least the text's we had to read were simple enough, for me, anyway.
Grade summary: B
dite's afro, she good at learning where other pantheons are in night sky. This she good at, learning locations of other pantheons.
Ugh, Hyperion even repeats himself on my report card! How un-gnarly. So I'll cut out his repeatedness stuff.
dite's afro, she excellent at making potions. Majority of potions from dite's afro came out good. Needs practice on when to use certain potions and what potions they no mix well. Damage to lab minor, yes, could have been worse, yes.
dite's afro, she have problems at dissecting mortals. She no like blood on her person. Seems to lack interest in functions of body parts. Seems to be more concerned about finished state of mortal.
dite's afro, she always hand in well written reports. Me I would suggest not spraying reports with perfume. Reports no need to smell good. Just read good.
dite's afro, her whooshing ability excellent. Understands whooshing better than most.
dite's afro, good student. Better without any friends in class. dite's afro, she tend to put too much emphasis on status.
dite's afro, post-Academy recommendation, she go onward to Highest Academy. Only if she change attitude about status. She not, then I recommend deity in arts or in social sciences.
No comment on the lab thingie. I couldn't help it if I liked mixing stuff & lighting it up! Hyperion tended to grade on a curve & counted high for attendence. Yeah, I missed a bit cuz I was gettin my afro that last year. Guess Hypie's in Tartarus now. Sided with the wrong buncha titans. So much for what he knew about status. Gotta learn from me!
Calliope taught Language & Creative Writing. All my pals were in this class with me throughout my time at the ODA. I think the teach had it in for me cuz i was Zeus's kid, plus Hera had shun Calliope at most social events, why, i dun know. It was like, she waited til i was outta the room before she taught the important stuffage, ya know what i mean? She sent this card home wrapped by a spell, only to be opened by Zeus. The hag didn't trust me. *pouts* Thought mesa would change my grade. Not that I wouldn't...
Language & Creative Writing
Grade summary: C-
It disheartens me to report that dite's afro (I do wish she'd change her name) has in recent years shown very poor language skills. As we know, this was not always the case. However, ever since dite began to associate with the 'cloud surfer' clique, she has began to use phrases such as 'as if', 'gnarly', 'tubular' and 'gotta luvre me', among others, to an excess. I would consider this slang as a passing phase were it not for the fact the cloud surfers have long since moved on and dite is the only one of her peers to remain talking in such a manner. Her usage of this 'dite speak', as it's being refered to, often affects other students who try to emulate her. dite uses these phrases in her writings which shows me that she either does not want to move forward to a serious deity position or that she has personal issues that need to be resolved.
dite has a very active imagination which she tries to express in her stories. Unfortunately, her lack of language skills, as mentioned above, prevents her from conveying her ideas in the best manner. When the class has collaboration assignments and another student interprets dite's ideas, this is usually when her projects meet with the best results.
I would suggest that Zeus & Hera work with dite on improving her language and convince her to drop the slang altogather. I would also suggest that dite be encouraged to read more. This is a time when when more ideas and letters are being transcribed to scrolls. A perfect opportunity for dite to expand her mind. As this is the last report card to be issued for dite, and I have suggested these remedies before to no avail, the lack of progress has to sway my decision on what I believe should be dite's post-Academy godhood. I would recommend either a form of love or happiness. dite is not at all suited or educated enough for the more serious deities.
Isn't it odd how my teachies think of love & happiness & social scienes as not being serious? I could tell ya'll a thingie or two bout the love life of ole Calliope which I'm sure she took quite seriously *coughcouldn'tgetanycough*. But she was right in many ways. I wanted to be like the cloud surfers. Me no could express myself very goodly, plus i liked telling happy endings to stories first. Zeus & Hera did try to get me to talk better, more proper, I guess. Hera always left poetry & story scrolls on my nitey nite table. I did read 'em. But that doensn't mean I can learn to write that well like that i read, whatever!
Hmm... 2 C-'s and a B. Gotta be an A in these report cards somewhere.
I had yet another of the muses as a teach for music. Polyhymnia. She wasn't too bad though her idea of what was cool music was a lot diff than mine.
Grade Summary: A-
Learning to play instruments__B
Assignments and attendence__B+
Post-Academy recommendation__ Music/Arts or Civics
Woulda loved to have been goddess of song or music. The muses had a big say in who got them deityhoods and they tended to favor children of minor gods or spirits. Just try gettin in the Olympian Brass Band ahead of a harpie! They were muses' pets i tell ya. Ha ha that recommendation about civics. This was back when ambassadors to other pantheons was being considered as a godhood. My dream deityhood for awhile was being ambassy to Asgard. Freyia & me were bestest pals even back then.
Too bad Polyhymnia couldn't been as wordy when givin me good scores as Calliope & Artemis were in givin me a hassle. *sigh*
Having Ares as a big bro was often a plus in school. He was a natch to be god of war, as if there was anyone else to consider, duh! He was always playin army as a kid & draggin me along to where he played war so that i could make the sound effects he liked. That's me, the deity of ka-boomy sound effects. Ares would always get annoyed when draggin me to his war field, i'd always ask, "Are we there yet?" "Are we there yet?" "Are we there yet?" Like, what's so bad bout that? Anyhoo, Airs taught me lotta stuff like reading maps and places where the enemy would hide out or good spying spots. He taught me tricks to memorizing locations from a map or from whooshing above-ground. People always think of me as the ditz who gets lost but hey, I never do. Ares taught me all bout the land of Greece, and where to put and not put my temples. I mention all this cuz of my class, Atlasology. This eventually became geography, I guess. This was an outdoor class- yay!- taught by Electra, daughter of Atlas. It was about maps & learning about the land but nothing too deep cuz, like, we were gods and not supposed to be too interested in the earth stuff we couldn't see. Whatever. But the course also went into learning about the lands of other pantheons, the well known and not so well know cities. Major cool I thought.
Grade summary: A
dite's afro has top notch ability in reading maps and learning about the designs of earth, as well as the lands of other pantheons.
Post-academy recommendation: Civics
Pop was surprised that Electra gave me an A. After all, it was Zeusy who made Atlas- Electra's pop- hold up the earth for punishment. Electra wasn't too interested in Atlasology, she often left us alone outside while she smoked ambrosia (big illegal thingie!) off in the woods. Heard she started a school for mystical ninjas or something.
Once again, good grade from a teach who left few comments to brag on me. *sigh*
Themis, greek goddess of justice & order taught Sociology. This was a different kind of Sociology that they teach now at the Acacdemy.
Grade summary: A-
.Recognizing when love and peace are most appropiate
.Acceptance of mortal behaviour & development
.Willingness to communicate with mortals
.Feelings for mortals beyond their sluggish & pointless existance (though dite has sometimes demonstrated this at a degree where it's a weak point)
.Interaction with members of other pantheons
.Communication with members of other pantheons
.Interaction with mortals where danger is involved
.Interaction with mortals who have body odor or other "bad" habits
.Inability to drop the cloud surfer slang in class
.Dependence on material goods beyond that of the normal deity
.Whooshing away from a confrontation instead of meeting the challenge
.Not realizing that love & peace isn't always the ends to every situation
.Dependence on chocolate
Post-academy recommendation: love or civics
Daddy & Hera thought the skies of Themis. Always valued her opinion. This was the recommendation that cooked my goosey. If civics had been mentioned first, I woulda had a crack at happiness or maybe pop woulda created an ambassadorship to Asgard or somethin. Aw well.
Yada yada yada, rest of these report scroll cards are from courses that graded only pass or fail (me passed 'em all but there's no scribbles from the teachies on these). These were the sleeper classes. Health, History (like there was much history at the time) and Ambrosia 101 (there's a lotta funky goin on's with ambrosia that's hush-hush outside Olympus). For some reason, I never was made to take Philosophy, whatever that is. They told me it was over my head. So is like Philosophy the study of ceilings? But I do have this note from my class counselor, Apollo, to Zeusy & Hera on what my godhood oughta be. It's reeeeeally long, so I'll just read a couple passages.
"...dite's carefree attitude is a hindrance to her obtaining a more meaningful godhood."
"...about this notion of becoming an ambassador to other pantheons. This will never come about. I suggest dite become an ambassador to the mortals by giving her the deity of love. Who better than a member of the house of Zeus and Hera to represent a gentler, kindler Olympus..."
Gag me with a titan-sized spoon! Wish one of these Academy big shots woulda had the guts to mention it was my boobs that got me the love gig. Never mention that in their report cards, no no no no no! Hypnotize them mortals with big juicy breasts! Forget the bad stuff we gods'll do to ya, just get an eyeload of dite's mighties! And they wondered why I wanted the afro...sheeeesh.
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