Dear Morloch

Why not both?

A death by any other name would smell as sweet.

Auntie Calli



Dear Auntie Callisto

Is the tundra pleasant at this time of the year?

Cyane

Dear Cyane,

My land of the dead has always been much warmer.


Dear Auntie Callisto,

I've always admired your ability to focus. Hades says I can leave the underworld if I follow Orpheus and don't look back. How can I make myself not look back?

Eurydice in Elysium

Dear Eurydice

You can either employ the use of a blind fold, or poke your eyes out.

Both methods are guarranteed to stop you looking. Back.

Auntie Callisto



Dear Auntie Callisto

You're just a figment of my imagination. I'm not afraid of you.

I'm just like Joxer. Joxer the Mighty!

Except that my name is Annie.

Annie Banannie

Dear Annie,

If I'm just a figment of your imagination, then that means we're together for the long haul. Imagine me gutting one of your loved ones.

Hugs and Kisses,

Auntie C

Dear Auntie Callisto,

I wanted to be a sidekick, but my hero declined to award me the position. Got any openings for a henchwoman who can bite of an ear?

Testy Tara

Dear Testy Tara

I'm sure there are plenty openings in tartarus for cannibal school rejects. Can't go as you're still alive? I can fix that.

Auntie Callisto

Dear Auntie Callisto

My pop says he beat the living crap out of you & that you begged for your life. You're lucky he's no longer a warrior.

Virgil, the Mighty's Son

Dear Virgil,

Really? I didn't realize that he ever was a warrior. Come to think of it, I didn't realize that annoying me could be equated to beating the crap out of me. hmm.

Auntie Cal

Dear Auntie Callisto,

Why is it that Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer and that bitch Alti all get reincarnated multiple times, but you never seem to show up?

"Mad Dog" Covington

Dear Mad Dog,

What makes you think I haven't reincarnated, dearie? Next time you see a car approaching way too closely in your rear-view mirror or hear someone breaking in your home at night, that could be me. I'm just biding my time.

Auntie Callisto


Dear Auntie Callisto

A guy gives me these scrolls that he found in his grandfather's attic. I want to base a TV show on the warrior woman in the scrolls. What actress would make a good warrior princess?

Robert Tapert, Producer

Rob, Darling

You're right to be concerned with which actress will play the warrior woman, Callisto.

She needs to be good looking, athletic and feisty.

There's an actress by the name of Lucy Lawless who should suit the part. You can't go wrong with someone who has a name like that.

I look forward to viewing Callisto: Warrior Princess.

Auntie Callisto



Dear Auntie Callisto

Are you behaving yourself?

Archangel Michael

Michael:

behaving? like the psychopath i am, yes thank you.

AC

Dear Auntie Callisto:

care to join me on an interestingly evil romp through the ages?

that bitch Alti

Dear bitch Alti

Why yes, yes I would.

I'll bring the mayhem, you bring the madness.

See you at 3.

Calli



Dear Auntie Callisto

I think I over-rated Gabrielle. Wanna be my new girlfriend?

Beowulf

Dear Beowulf,

I've no doubt that you over-rated Gabrielle. Alas, you are not my type. I like 'em tall, dark and ignoble.

Auntie C

Dear Auntie Callisto,

I know how to get the Warrior Princess out from under your skin. But I won't tell if you'd rather I didn't.

Autolycus

Dear Autylocus,

Well, you have two choices actually. You can either tell me what I want to know...or I can cut off the flow of blood to your brain(DAMN that Xena...)

Auntie Callisto

Dear Auntie Callisto,

How's about we strike a deal? I get you out of that hot old place, make you a god again and you...show me where I can find those worms that stay in a goddess's hair and can NEVER be removed? MUAHHHAAA!

Discord

Dear Discord

No.

Auntie Callisto

PS. Autolycus, I'm learning to embrace my inner Warrior Princess.



Dear Auntie Callisto

What is the breakfast of champions?

Village Bystander

Dear Bystander,

I myself favor broken glass and rusty nails. That bitch Alti favors a distilled brew that's brownish and packs a punch. I think she calls it "Jagermesiter".

Prost!

Auntie {hic!} Callishto


Dear Auntie Callisto,

Do you really resent me or is all just about Xena?

Hercules

Herc--

yes. and yes.

AC

Dear Auntie Callisto:

snow falls on cedars
i ruin lives with guilt
pathological liar

Akemi

Dear Akemi

You make a perfect sidekick for Xena.

Auntie Callisto


Dear Auntie Callisto

Your place or mine?

Uncle Zeus

Dear Uncle Zeus,

Quick or slow lingering death?

Auntie C

Dear Auntie Callisto,


Do you have any interest in competing in the Valhalla Games next summer?

Odin

Dear Odin

Sign me up for javelin.

Who's the target?

Calli



Dear Auntie Callisto

Do you think I use too much raddish in my stew?

Joxer the Mighty, lover of Aphrodite

Dear Joxer,

Not at all. It's heat is a delightful counter to the sweetness of the babies.


Auntie Callisto


Dear Auntie Callisto,

Got any advice for a prison wardress with a chip on her shoulder?

Eaten by Crabs

Eaten:

stay away from termites...

AC

dear Auntie Callisto:

does this outfit make me look fat?

Jace the Fabulous

Darling Jace

It DOES make you look fat, but only in a place where you would be happy to look ... fat.

Aunt Calli



Dear Auntie Callisto

How come nobody likes me?

Seraphin, Worshipper of the Supreme Goddess Hope who will bring light to us all

Dear Seraphin,

Auntie Callisto loves you, dearie, so much so that she's going slit your pale throat with her favorite sword.

Auntie Callisto


Dear Auntie Callisto

If I'm such a "minor" god, how come I was chosen to look after the chakram temple?

Kurious Kel

Dear Kel,

And you are---?

Oh yeah...chakram fodder.

Auntie Callisto


Dear Auntie Callisto,

What do you think? more sex and violence or more violence and sex? We open in Athens next week!

Zera

Zera:

you open in Athens...? better you should open a vein in Athens.

more violence. you can never get enough. well...i can never get enough.

AC

Dear Auntie Callisto:

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. shall i reserve some heart-shaped ravioli for you?

weary zoom

Dear Zoom,

Just gimme the heart skewered on a blade.


Dear Auntie Callisto,

I just found out that some shoe company has been using my name for decades! What should I do about it?

Nike, a.k.a. Winged Victory