comic relief australia

HAVE Kath and Kim moved from Fountain Lakes to Summer Bay?...


VO: there's a new guy in town...and summer bay will never be the same...

DINER

a man's hand picks up a milkshake cup from a table. leah is watching him (we don't see who he is). she seems attracted to him. irene is standing behind her, watching the mystery man as well.

irene: leah, love, i just don't trust him. i mean what do we really know about him, eh?

BEACH

robbie and kim are staring out into the distance

robbie: things are changing around here, i can feel it.

kim: he means business. and he's not going to take "no" for an answer, i can tell you that much.

robbie turns dramatically to kim

DINER

alf: i want him out of summer bay and i want him out of the bay now!

alf grabs the hamburger phone. irene closes her hands around alf's

irene: oh darl, please, come on. think about what you're doing here...

DINER AGAIN

hayley (bec) is sitting at a table

hayley: the very first time i laid eyes on him i went all dry in the mouth...what's happenning to me??

leah looks understanding, yet shifty. hayley fans herself.

VO: a new arrival who's just too hot to handle...

DINER KITCHEN

alf: just let it go, mate!

he turns around to see kel in his butcher's apron, holding up a plate of saussages.

kel: i don't care what you say. these chicken and sage saussages could be the making of this diner!"

kel glances at the camera

VO: extreme ideas...

BEACH

robbie and kim are jogging, looking confused

VO: from an extreme kinda guy...

the camera pans across from kim to kel, who is powerwalking happily beside him

VO: tonight, on home and away.

kel is sitting next to the home and away logo, smiling and winking, as a promotion.



----------------------





"Being from Melbourne, it was a real thrill getting invited to Summer Bay. I only wish Kath could have joined me.
Meeting Alf was a real thrill. I didn't know he was a meat lover like me, we actually spent all afternoon comparing sausages.
I surprised him with one based on Summer Bay, it's a pork sausage with a little bit of spice - very nice, very Sydney.
I asked Leah and Hayley what their favourite sausage is and you know what they said - "give us a pork anytime Kel".
Just like my wife Kath, I said.
I joined the boys for a bit of slip, slop and slap and a power walk on Summer Bay, very special.
Eat your heart out Kath.
Unfortunately I pulled me clack going for it a bit hard up the other end of the beach.
I'll get Kath to give it a rub when I get home."
--------------------

home and away: hayley auditions 303

scott and kim are standing in the kitchen of irene's place

kim: you know, maybe you should stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about what's best for hayley.

scott: and why don't you just stay out of it? i mean this has got nothing to do with you.

kim: oh it does when we're talking about the health of my baby and its mother!

scott: i would never do anything to put hayley's health at risk.

kim: really? well she just got out of hospital - who's fault do you reckon that was?

kim takes a step towards scott. "hayley"(kath) runs in from the other room, and creates a "T" with her hands in between scott and kim

kath: time out! time out, people! time out please!

kim steps back from scott

now kim! kimmy! kimmy, look at moiye please, look at moiye, look at moiiiye...

kim looks at kath

now scott, look at moiye please.

scott looks at kath

now kim, look at scott...scott, look at kim...now scott, i got one word to say to you: m-o-w, please - make own way.

scott: hayley...

kath: no! no, scott, leave! now, please!

scott leaves

kim: sorry, it's just the thought of sharing you with another guy, it gets me.

kath: i do give off peranomes that do things to guys.

kim rubs kath's back

kim: well, i'm here for you, okay?

kath: aw, come here ya great hunka spunk!

kath hugs kim around the shoulders and they both open their mouths and lean very awkwardly towards each other....

***CUT***

home and away hayley auditions 302
(colour coded for less confusion: boy kim, girl kim)


scott and kim are standing in the kitchen of irene's place

kim: you know, maybe you should stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about what's best for hayley.

scott: and why don't you just stay out of it? i mean this has got nothing to do with you.

kim: oh it does when we're talking about the health of my baby and its mother!

scott: i would never do anything to put hayley's health at risk.

kim: really? well she just got out of hospital - who's fault do you reckon that was?

kim takes a step towards scott. "hayley" (kim) wanders in from the other room and stands between them

kim: aww stop it you guys! you're making me gropable with all your fighting! scott, i think you better go.

scott: hayley...

kim rolls her eyes

kim: no go! get out! scaramoush!

scott leaves

kim: sorry, it's just the thought of sharing you with another guy, it gets me.

kim: yeah, well, you're only yuman. i am a hornbag.

kim rubs kim's back

kim: well, i'm here for you, okay?

kim: yeah, well, i'm feeling really vulnerable...

kim suddenly throws her arms around kim's neck and tries to kiss him. kim backs away

director (off-screen): aaand that'll do now, thank you.

kim tries to push kim away. she won't let go.

kim (to the director): no, we're meant to pash now.

she keeps trying to kiss kim. he tries to fight her off.

director (off-screen): no thanks, that's it. next please!

kim still won't let go. kim looks off-screen to the director for help.

kim: no, we're meant to pash now. i think it gives the scene a real reality.

she grabs kim by the neck and drags him (struggling) around the corner and out of sight...

---------------------------

The "foxy morons" were snapped with Home and Away favourites Kip Gamblin (Scott) and Chris Hemworth (Kim) on the set of the popular Channel 7 soapie.

"My 'inkstinks' tell me Summer Bay hasn't seen the last of me," Kath said.

Kim also believed she had landed a role, saying: "I have done a TAFE course in acting and the guys were blown away with my emotional range."


Summer Bay's new foxy morons: Kath and Kim land some spunks on Home and Away.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Madogis,

Thanks for that post!

I missed all the shenanigans, but you've described them beautifully.

No Bretty or Sharon, hey?

Oh well, Kel's my favourite hunk of spunk anyhow.

That was the best thing ever ^_^

The only thing I would've liked to see is Kim as Hayley say "You can all get stuffed the pair of yis!" but then that probably wouldn't have left room for her dragging Kim off screen