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quote:
Originally posted by xenacrazed:

Maybe that's harsh but


Hell no...!!!

Sometimes its good to just vent.

I get a LOT of Physical/Mental Stress quitting drinking *....for the 1st 2 years or so.

I would take a baseball bat out in the yard & pound it on the ground shouting & swearing at the top of my lungs 'til
I calmed down......really

sweet little smiley me..LoL

So were here for ya ....as best we can be .....feel free to vent......

I have bitched @ my tard family all over the net..LoL



* I have heard it said that addiction appears to work by confusing your Fight/Flight response with you substance abuse....

Meaning primitive/sub-conscious parts of your brain think/feel like your gonna die without it.

Strong motivator.... Hmmm?

So Obviously I WANT this quit to stay....forever... I like feeling sane,now..

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What if all the fruit I bought last week is startin to go...

What if the vegetable of the day is being replaced with 2 Delicious red pears & a soft-ish banana?

What if Im not a big pear fan but theses red pears
caught just as theyre peaking are AMAZING !
 
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What if, I got 2 grapefruits I need to eat before THEY go bad?

What if I got them beginning of this month as part of a fruit basket, a bday gift from my parents?

What if, xc, I totally hear ya. Hey! It's actually okay to SAY it, cuz sayin' it is better than DOING it.

What if I had a therapy appt. yesterday, and when I was walking in the building, my bag got caught in the revolving door...and I had an anxiety attack over it?

What if, when I walked in, my therapist was standing right there???

What if, we walked toward the elevator together and I told her, it's just one of them days where I wanna kill everybody?

What if she was funny, she said, well that'd take a lot of energy? Razz

What if I said, well it takes a lot less energy to SAY it rather than do it, and she agreed???

What if, I also said it's better to say it to those who know you'll NEVER do it...cuz in this day and age...then again this all started in the 90's...talk about killing...anybody...and ppl get all wigged out??? Razz Eek Razz

What if, but xc you deal with grief in ya own way, I ain't gunna judge!!! Big Grin And I'm glad you have a good therapist...they're important.

What if, as for atheism, I was raised an atheist but went my own way at age 24???

What if, wicca was the first I embraced, now it's pretty much everything?

What if, I even explored some of the atheist beliefs about how we as humans "may" have created God when it all began. Cuz maybe we were overwhelmed by all the power in the sky, earth, et.al and needed a bit of "parenting" about it or guidance, whatev???

What if...but I DO believe in an afterlife, regardless of whether God is real or if it's just raw energy in the universe and planets?

What if...hey, we're all energy and what if when we die we just become part of another energy...a tree, a star, the ocean...or maybe we reincarnate?

What if I do believe in reincarnation?

What if that's another story? Big Grin

What if, what if, what if, gonna write a blog post soonage!!! smash Big Grin




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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What if, as for atheism, I was raised an atheist but went my own way at age 24???

What if that the 1st time I have ever heard of anything like That! Smile



What if, I even explored some of the atheist beliefs about how we as humans "may" have created God when it all began.

What if Thats what I think happened ...Man Created God in His Own Image..



What if...but I DO believe in an afterlife, regardless of whether God is real or if it's just raw energy in the universe and planets?
What if...hey, we're all energy and what if when we die we just become part of another energy...a tree, a star, the ocean...or maybe we reincarnate?


What if I think what you see is all we are gonna get....So we need to Shape up ,fast..LoL
 
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What If Happy Easter ?

What If at 92 Granni Braless decided she doesnt feel like makin a family feast this year?

What If we are goin out to their local Chinese buffet?

What If its one of the Best in the whole area?

What If, alrite, Ive not been to all of them but this one is great?





I said Duh!
 
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What If I got up @ noon today?

What If that beats the 'Ell outta my 5pm-6pm
Ive been plagued with since the time change?

What If its sunny here today?

What If Tiangong-1 comes down today & I NEVER get to see it?

What If it comes down in Lake Ontario & I get a display like a Movie as it destructs overhead?

What If I saw ISS streak by over @ a week ago?





I said Duh!
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Thersites:
What if, as for atheism, I was raised an atheist but went my own way at age 24???

What if that the 1st time I have ever heard of anything like That! Smile



What if, I even explored some of the atheist beliefs about how we as humans "may" have created God when it all began.

What if Thats what I think happened ...Man Created God in His Own Image..



What if...but I DO believe in an afterlife, regardless of whether God is real or if it's just raw energy in the universe and planets?
What if...hey, we're all energy and what if when we die we just become part of another energy...a tree, a star, the ocean...or maybe we reincarnate?


What if I think what you see is all we are gonna get....So we need to Shape up ,fast..LoL


What if that last bit...makes me wonder if many of us embrace a spiritual path cuz we're afraid this life really IS it??? Razz

What if I admit it, that would suck balls! Razz Frown

What if, maybe people are just scared of death and that's where the concept came from...?

What if but then there's those folks who have all talked about paranormal experiences, and ghosts and such...and some think they're just b.s-ing around for money or attention but then...who knows? Confused Big Grin

What if I kinda like the idea of an eternal mystery!!!

What if, that's what Lawrence Krauss talks about a lot...not knowing?

What if Joe Rogan also said something cool about God...how do we know one way or another and who are we to say one way or another, when really, what do any of us truly know except what we see ourselves? Confused

What if maybe the acceptance of not knowing is the key to freedom and therefore the key to happiness and inner peace?

What if I like that? Big Grin




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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What if it's nice to be single again?

What if, no drama, expectations, uncertainties, insecurities, displaced energy, drainage of energy...oh my!!!! Eek

What if, now it's just me and me and no one else right now...whoever the hell I am??? Confused

What if, I'm out of Nick's, have a nice quiet place to just sit and figure out this enigma that is Kate!!! Razz Big Grin

What if, well if that isn't love, it'll have to do 'til the Real Thing Comes Along!!!! smash Big Grin




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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what if nearly 350 pgs written in book 1 so far?

i hope to be done with book 1 later this month. Then i gotta edit book 1 while alternating with starting on book 2 of the trilogy (i'm hoping it don't go beyond a trilogy)
 
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Originally posted by Thersites:
What if I think what you see is all we are gonna get....So we need to Shape up ,fast..LoL

What if that last bit...makes me wonder if many of us embrace a spiritual path cuz we're afraid this life really IS it??? Razz
What if, maybe people are just scared of death and that's where the concept came from...?

What if I say Yes,people are scared od their own deaths &So pained by the loss of others who are near & dear..
I can understand & appreciate that.


What if I kinda like the idea of an eternal mystery!!!

What if maybe the acceptance of not knowing is the key to freedom and therefore the key to happiness and inner peace?

What if I like that? Big Grin

What if I love the strange,beautiful mysteriousness that Science has revealed to us..?

What if I like that?

What if heres a Youtube video of what I mean?

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Sooo..What if the Quotes-y thing got all muddled up in the post above..?

quote:
Originally posted by xenacrazed:
what if nearly 350 pgs written in book 1 so far?

i hope to be done with book 1 later this month. Then i gotta edit book 1 while alternating with starting on book 2 of the trilogy (i'm hoping it don't go beyond a trilogy)


Sooo..What if.... JRR Xena-crazed writes a triliogy for all timeses & stuff,precioussss??

What if Im mkin a TOTAL mess of these posts with all the bolds & quotes & colors...

What if I look like a lil kid whos gotten into the fingerpaints..?
 
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Originally posted by Brucy Braless

What If Tiangong-1 comes down today & I NEVER get to see it?



What If I never did get to see it?


What If after knowing @ it & lookin for it for almost an Arffing MONTH !?!?!?!?!?

What If too cloudy... now its here to early & its drown out by daylight..?

What If Yadda Yadda Yadda...????
 
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What if my dad was taken to the hospital after a particularly violent night with my mom??

What if, yes, I said violent...and he never did anything throughout the marriage but this is what Alzheimers can do...

What if my mom had to give up the ghost and check him in and now we're looking at long-term care facilities?

What if, he needs the help, my mom needs to stay sane, safe, and everyone just needs to stay calm...best we can? Razz

What if, I hate when my sister chooses times like this to lash out at me for whatever she thinks I've done to mess up the universe? Roll Eyes

What if, isn't this the time we should stick together, supporting and consoling each other because the man we knew as our father is coming apart bit by bit???

What if WHY are families either like this, or even stupider, like the morons I used to see on Jerry Springer??? Frown

What if...why is it that...I think I combined a buncha question threads in this here post? smash Razz




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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What if I just texted my sister and told her I love her, anyway?

What if I swore I'd never set foot in the house of my exhubs again but I did it anyway?

What if because I can't find a room anywhere else so I came back to be a roommate with the exhubs, not a wife but a roommate, even tho I said I wouldn't do it but did it anyway?

What if, I don't have any money, never married a 'rich man" or got a great Hollywood gig, and I may not ever get there but it doesn't matter anyway???

What if, I've actually found myself doing some local films anyway???

What if, thankfully there's a cool film scene in Philadelphia where actors/actresses can get decent parts in small films...I didn't need a headshot or a resume, this woman knew me from mutual colleagues and asked me to do a movie with her anyway?? Big Grin

What if, so I guess I can rest assured that even if life has sucked sometimes there are still blessings to be found, anyway?

What if, just for fun, check out this film I was in last year???

What if, that's me at the end jumping out as the laughing ghoul?

What if, that's also my music in the soundtrack?

What if I just may make it to Hollywood anyway??? Eek

What if, or not, but it's all good anyway!!!

Painful Love--SHORT FILM




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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Originally posted by Thunderstruck:
What if my dad was taken to the hospital after a particularly violent night with my mom??

What if, yes, I said violent...and he never did anything throughout the marriage but this is what Alzheimers can do...

What if my mom had to give up the ghost and check him in and now we're looking at long-term care facilities?

What if, he needs the help, my mom needs to stay sane, safe, and everyone just needs to stay calm...best we can? Razz

What if, I hate when my sister chooses times like this to lash out at me for whatever she thinks I've done to mess up the universe? Roll Eyes

What if, isn't this the time we should stick together, supporting and consoling each other because the man we knew as our father is coming apart bit by bit???

What if WHY are families either like this, or even stupider, like the morons I used to see on Jerry Springer??? Frown

What if...why is it that...I think I combined a buncha question threads in this here post? smash Razz



what if sorry about your dad, Kate?

Beware of those long-term homes, be sure to do a lot- a lot- of checking up on them. Even the nice looking ones that present themselves fine & have good ratings on Google or whatever site you swear by can by not-so-good. i would advise if you do check him in to somewhere you've looked into & think will work, to have someone stay there with him overnight a couple nights to see how the staff reacts. i had to advocate for mama xc several times at the hospital & once i almost came very close to murdering a one-armed "doctor" (i use that term lightly). Hospitals, nursing homes- you would think some of these career crimin- -er politicians would clean up the medical mess in this country but not when they're in some pocket of a pharmaceutical giant or the AMA or whoever. No, politicians don't care as they can afford the better doctors to make house calls!

Anyway, best of luck to you.
 
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What if, thanks, xc, I'll def. do that!!!

He's in the hospital itself while they are figuring out where to put him. My mom is on top of that and I think my sister might be too, not sure. I check in a lot, so I'll ask my mom how it's going. They get a little "weird" when I start warning them about stuff, which I've done on more than one occasion when I have a "6th sense" about things like what you told me. At first, when I got the call from sis about the rough night, she said they were just gonna give Dad a psych eval, and...decide whether to admit him and get him long term care, OR...heavily sedate him and send him home???? Well. I was like, uh no. What if he falls down the stairs or worse, are they nuts??? My sister gets all, "Hey we got this!" And I'm like fine and dandy but at least they admitted him cuz my mom wanted that. Safer for him, totally, and he can get what he needs. But yeah...they can't be sending him somewhere horrible. I hear many many horror stories about nursing facilities. John used to work in a particularly crappy one...years before I knew him.
You're right about politicians. Something's gotta give. Razz




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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What if, what the HELL is goin' on with Lindsay Buckingham and Stevie Nicks... Eek

What if, apparently he was really abusive to her during their relationship heyday?

What if, I have to at least hope this ain't another "metoo" media sensation...

What if, I only say that cuz Nicks' latest bio was very honest, and there was never any denial but hell, Nicks stayed in touch with him and even went on and off with him sometimes???

What if, I am NOT saying abuse of women isn't important, ok...and rock and roll has been a cesspool for women for years, having to prove themselves more, and taking lots of verbal bullying and abuse from men...et. al??? Razz

What if, hell, I can attest to that when I was trying to do stuff in Philly when I was 20...I even met an abusive guy who I didn't even WANNA date who wanted us to be the new "Buckingham and Nicks..." Oh lord. Roll Eyes

What if...anywho, so Fleetwood Mac fired Lindsay, holy crap, after all these years...? Confused

What if...or was he STILL bullying Stevie and worse, doing physical stuff to her?

What if, apparently he did get physical in the past as they said in the biography...but WHY penalize him now...when they ain't even officially together??? Confused

What if...does anyone smell "Metoo," or is it just me??? Roll Eyes

What if, well ok I love Stevie, and I always felt she was a woman of integrity, so I will speculate for now that Lindsay was still being a prick to her up to this day???

What if, that would really suck, and it's not like women don't often go thru that shite, I went thru it with John when I did the opera company I founded...he HATED me for doing that cuz HE wasn't successful at working the company HE founded(and let go of) back in the past?? Roll Eyes Razz Frown

What if, but I treated him and everyone in the group with ultimate respect and I wanted him to share in it and use it as a VICTORIOUS rise from humiliation by bitches and bastards in his old company???

What if...but he felt "demasculinized" anyway...many men do when women are "more successful" than they are...Razz Roll Eyes

What if, and I can see how Lindsay was all jealous of Stevie cuz she took off like wildfire and barely anyone remembers what Lindsay did outside Fleetwood Mac and Stevie???

What if, it's definitely a good thing for women to take their power back but...I still feel "metoo" is abusing that in many ways I've talked about before? Razz Roll Eyes

What if, shite, why can't we all just...get along???

What if, harmony, not competition...too radical??? NO!!!! smash

What if, and then there's that other side where people say WHO CARES, just focus on the music, not ppl's personal dramas...but I can't help but feel compassion for the ones I admire??? Razz Big Grin

What if it's always been my tendency to look at the human side of my fave songwriters/musicians/actors, whatnot, to know how they come up with their ideas and stuffage?

What if I've been doing it so long, I usually can discern press B.S. from truth...especially when they do interviews?

What if...oh well..."The Chain" continues to be one of my favorite tunes??? Smile

What if, Jack White is also epic???

What if MUSIC SAVES!!!! Big Grin smash

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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What if nothing but Maggoty winter weather for 3 stinkin days..?





I said Duh!
 
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What if I now want to withdrawl my complaint about the weather here...

Its worser just about everywhere else east of the mississippi...





I said Duh!
 
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what if i finished writing book 1 of my proposed trilogy?

i haven't done the editing part yet but for now book 1 stands at 440 pages. There were be multi-edits, adding more dialogue and descriptive language as well as topical events for the times the story takes place in.

i started book 2 today and have about 5 pages finished. So far i have more ideas for book 3 than book 2, so book 2 may take longer to finish.

Not sure what will become of all this but for now it seems to help cope with the grief. i can see writing and editing going on for another year at least. Might as well make the story as best as i can make it.
 
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What if DAMN you slammin it dude..?

What if you get a job writing Soap Operas...

What if you could bang out a whole season in maybe a week?

What if all 25-30 years of dialogue ...in less than a year???
 
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What if, awesome, xc!!!!

What if, we're at crunch time regarding my dad and long term care?

What if he has a week at most to spend at the regular hospital before they'll prolly kick him out?

What if, I was on the phone all day yesterday with potential homes for my dad to stay long term?

What if, my sister is gonna take my mom to look at a home with a ONE STAR rating...HORRIBLE reviews, including terrible abuse and neglect...and their "logic" is that they want to "see for themselves???"

What if, according to my mom, the best homes, like 3 and a half to five star, all have a waiting list???

What if, but...yesterday...I FOUND a place, a four star rating, that I used to sing at, so I remember it being gorgeous and very clean...and there is NO waiting list???

What if, the man I talked to on the phone was not only super helpful, he takes ONE of my dad's insurance AND can get him in right away!

What if, we'd all have to take a tour of the place to make sure it's fully as awesome as the four star rating says...but hell it's better than a one star rating from the sound of things!!!

What if, but my mom just dismissed it out of turn because this place doesn't take the one insurance my dad mostly uses, Signa Health Springs, but they do take MEDICARE, which my dad also has?

What if I don't know much about how insurance companies work...if you have a "primary" insurance and their policy is you are "not allowed" to use a secondary insurance to a place that does NOT take your primary insurance? That would fukken SUCK!!!!! Mad

What if, my mom was as vague as mud about all of it, she just kept saying, no I don't think it'll work, but she didn't say for sure that it WOULDN'T work?

What if I told her to just ask the social workers at the hospital to find out from the insurance co., but she kept saying no even though she didn't sound like she had all the info?

What if I realize how tired she is, so I offered to call them myself, but they don't work weekends? Roll Eyes

What if, my mom said she'd call Monday...but it sounded like she was just telling me what I wanna hear, but meanwhile, I am gonna find out the info even if she doesn't?

What if, cuz the flip side is that horrible one star place that again, my sister and mom are gonna go see this weekend...and I really hope they don't decide to just admit my dad there this weekend to get rid of him and the whole mess?

What if, it's not like I don't get it, I didn't live with him like my mom did...but...big picture anyone???

What if, I'm drawing on my inner Gabrielle for patience and inner Xena for strength!!!! Frown smash

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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What if, my mom called and apparently, she and my sister "like" the one star nursing facility...I knew it. Roll Eyes

What if, at least I got her to agree to check out the four star place just in case so that's promising...

What if I told my mom I'd go with her to check it out and even ask John to go with me to check it out since he used to work as a nurse's aid in places like that and he'd know what to look for?

What if, so at least they're not admitting him this weekend...still, this has been an emotional drainage...

What if, my sister is still not speaking to me and I don't expect her to get over her totally displaced anger at me for taking a break LAST SUMMER from communicating with the family to work on stuffage within ME...

What if, then she accuses me of trashing her on Facebook which I did not...???

What if, that'd be pretty dumb considering I have my whole family on Facebook...cousins, aunts, etc. AND my sister...jeeeeezzzz. Roll Eyes

What if, the only "online" place I might vent about my family is here where she has no idea exists cuz she never watched Xena anywho, much less even knows about this place cuz I never told her and it's not even something you could find unless you're looking up shows like Xena, Buffy, gaming or pop culture in general, stuff my sister could care less about??? Razz

What if, she's more of a CNN and newsy type of gal...entertainment doesn't much impress her, especially mainstream???

What if, even so, I don't know if I care cuz she prolly says stuff about me in places...those who are quick to accuse usually are doing it themselves...ugh!

What if, why is it that, family moronic dynamics always gets worse during big life changes with an elderly parent...no one doesn't go thru it but jeeeezzzz, talk about not helpful!!!

What if mehhhhh, gonna stop focusing on this and try to write...novel isn't going too bad altho it's taking a long time to rewrite?

What if, speaking of stories...and it's good to have that outlet in times like this!!!

What if I again congratulate xc on his accomplishments, and hope it all continues to go epicly!!!

What if...onward, upward and all that happy horseshite!!!! smash Big Grin




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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what if for a fee months in 2012, mama xc was in a nursing home?

Medicare paid for a certain amount followed by her supplemental insurance, but she still ended up paying nearly $4000 pocket money. Had she been there longer than 100 days, she would have had shared a room with someone else. At some point beyond that, we would have had looked into getting Medicade, which sucks, as those vampires try to take everything from the patient & their families with the help of the nursing homes. So much for the gov't protecting the elderly, most of whose careers helped finance the politicians, many of whom eventually created laws against the elderly or forgot them entirely.

Of course, mama xc was only there for short term care. If long term care was involved, we would have contacted her lawyers (though i hate them now) and made sure the crooked gov't didn't rip her off as well as me. If your dad hasn't got the right insurance for the better facility, maybe shop around quickly for one they will accept. If he has to stay somewhere else & get transferred later, maybe that would work. Make sure any insurance company lets you know beforehand what any out of pocket costs will be.

i wouldn't trust any 1 star rated places. i also would ask a lotta questions from any facility & be there the first few days & nights (maybe a rotating shift of family members) to make sure the nurses come when called for & that they're doing their job correctly.
 
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What if, thanks, xc, yeah, this is a pain in the ass...

What if, I'm sorry mama xc had to go through all that, that sounds despicable!

What if, my parents don't have extra money if Medicare doesn't cover as much...but I'll see that we find out...

What if, apparently the other place that had the one star rating looked better than its rating...and it's only supposed to be temporary until this other place my dad stayed at once before for something different...gets a free bed.

What if, my dad liked that place for the most part...it wasn't great but it wasn't horrible either.

What if, the main thing is he gets the care he needs without any neglect, abuse or having to wait too long for a friggin nurse...

What if, ugh, well it's Sunday so I'll find out tomorrow...here's fingers crossed!!! Razz




"People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people."

~~Johnny Depp.


 
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