Empty and angry
like a kind of hollow candle
without a wick to burn
and slicing through the soft wax
of my skin
Your words are like poison
sliding in my veins
and I try so hard to make me perfect
Like self-improvement suicide
I bend in half
I snap, I shake
How far can you push me
'till I break?
You hurt me more than
the joy you take
molded me lonely
left me with a printed nametag
"Hello, I am heartache."
And I plan on moving in
I am suddenly a little girl
lost on the playground of love
With a twisted ankle
cause I leapt from the swings
and landed in a sandbox filled with rejection
I lock myself up in a quiet room
Try hard to listen to reason in my head.
Build denial like a wall around you,
It might keep you safe.
Cause I bend in half
I scream, I shake
how far can you push me
until I break?

I love it. I've told you before, and I'll tell you again. I love the direction your work is going in. Showing an entire different side to you, the edgy Jenn is a pretty site to see.

I specially love this part:

"Your words are like poison
sliding in my veins
and I try so hard to make me perfect
Like self-improvement suicide
I bend in half
I snap, I shake
How far can you push me
'til I break"

*applauds* very well done!

You're starting to use some interesting images and combinations of thought in your work.

I especially like:

slicing through the soft wax
of my skin

self-improvement suicide

left me with a printed nametag
"Hello, I am heartache."
And I plan on moving in

Keep it up.

After coming back here again and again I have to agree with the others. This poem really does the subject justice. The imagery is right there.

I personally have some trouble with harsh poems about the human condition, but this one has broken through my wall and really touched me.

Considering my recent post about the ways of love, you can see that I am thinking about these things very hard right now. You poem gives me an inside look at just how bad things can get when a relationship goes wrong.

If this poem is any sign of how you are doing emotionally, it's probably good that you are expressing it, but I hope that you have some inner healing soon.

Well thanks a bajillion for the feedback. Seems I almost never get it anymore and it means a lot.

I am involved with someone who takes me on emotional ups and downs, but you guys don't have to worry. It's not a real relationship. It is a farce, a joke. we will all pull through. the poetry is just cathardic for me.

thanks again

Sera,

This is the first time I read this (there's quite a few on here that I'm reading for the first time)...and I gotta say I wish I'd read it earlier, because I LOVE IT.

Really. It is an awesome poem. So many images and so many well-written lines. Your poems really are just getting better and better. Keep it up, girl.

~Gabber

I live in another forum, but lurk about from time to time.

Did you crawl in my head? Did my heart send you some sort of message and ask you to translate it into words?

It is awesome. Thank you.

Nice poem Sera. You always write nice. So sad though. Troubled.

OUCH ! !

Yow !

Hay!!!
Youre starting to Scare me!!!

This is probably a relationship you should remove yourself from..
sometimes things change a person...
they start off small..
they take over later
it gets difficult to
find a way back..
or even a way to move on..
you do not wanna go there..trust me..
for you to get swallowed up by.....
not good things & be lost,maybe, forever ..

*sigh*
you make me wish I could rescue you..

*Gasp*
Linxi approves!!
That makes it even Scarier.!!

HAY..
Dont let them Steal your magic.
& fer Chrissake dont just offer it up to be taken away from you ...
You WILL miss it when its gone..

Modern culture is a BIG Nasty lie..

Cool is not Cool if you catch my meaning.
WHat you need to do is lift the Veil & see whats REALLY real..

trust me ..
I know stuff..


Very Fondly,
Brucy

Sera!

cool, a poem, filled with images that i wish I HAD THOUGHT OF!

i loved the candle without a wick part, specially when it is described as being angry. for me it seemed very "i don't have a purpose, i'm just here and frustrated" thing about it. and i loved that.

and DAMN did i love love love "self-improvement suicide". oh, i could read that over and over again, and believe me--i have. i can just say it to myself and smile and its dark cleverness.

Then you have the "hello i'm heartache" thing...and boy, if that doesn't tell us you are wearing your heart on your sleeve, i don't know what does. subtly beautiful.

the last part, sounds like you are finding your wick, and you don't know if it will light a fire or let off a bomb, or to this crazy girl it did. and it was awesome. thanks for sharing!

mons