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Scroll Guardian

Picture of Sara
posted
Right, so I was lying in bed (trying to go to sleep) thinking of something, and all of a sudden I had an inspiration. I'm not going to hide behind a snarky remark, this poem is what it is. I don't know where it came from as I haven't written anything remotely like it in many months. So take from it what you will. I hope you enjoy.

"The Vineyard"

Come with me, love
Step through the orderly lines
See our passion burgeoning on the vine

Tread carefully, love
Don't disturb the fruit
It's still young, give it time to take root

Inhale deeply, love
Intoxicating and dizzying is this scent
Softly though, 'fore the currency of this wine is spent

Watch the clouds, love
A sudden change, a mistep, and our crop is lost
All our hard work, destroyed by an early frost

Tell me, love
When we harvest with grace and care
When our wine has aged, you'll still be there

Rest now, love
There's much time left
As we retire from the vineyard where our love is kept

--SMC


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I <3 4 foot 11, blonde, operatic wonders from Oklahoma.

There is no charge for awesomeness or attractiveness
 
Posts: 2157 | Location: Seattle, WA | Registered: 22 June 2003Report This Post
<mons>
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Sara!

I liked this one. And when i say "like" i sort of mean appreciate. Kind of like you can love your parents and you can like your parents... but to appreciate them? make sense.

Anyway. There was a strong metaphor carried exquisitely throughout with out me being beaten over the head with it or needing a reminder at the end. Like it was braided--your meaning and your metaphor. just beautiful.

My favorite part was the part about the frost. It was as gentle as the rest of the poem. Like when you tell an innocent very patiently to mind something but you don't want to scold or assume they don't know... you just want to mention it or observe it aloud.

so... thanks for the share. i really enjoyed the tempo, structure, theme, use of language... and all that jazz. all around good stuff!

mons
 
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Scroll Guardian

Picture of zoom
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Like it was braided--your meaning and your metaphor

not unlike a vine, eh? a subtle yet pervasive metaphor. i liked and/or appreciated this one, too... Wink


WHAT WOULD XENA DO?

are you sitting on the soap?

sometimes, you just have to say 'what the f...'

 
Posts: 5103 | Location: Austin Texas, baby | Registered: 22 June 2003Report This Post
Ultimate Scroller
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Sara,

It's beautiful. Smile

~Keri
 
Posts: 893 | Location: Lexington, KY | Registered: 25 June 2003Report This Post
Dream Scroller
Picture of The Troll
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It's more than beautiful, it's the best thing I've read of yours! I'm sure there were others that I might have missed but this works on so many levels- I can't even begin...

It's biblical
It's epic
It's ephemeral...

And so complete.
There's nothing more to say.
 
Posts: 411 | Registered: 23 June 2003Report This Post
Chief Chesty Forlock
Chief
Picture of Argeaux
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It reminded me of Song of Songs.

Great piece.

I "like" it also. Smile


~~~~~~~~~~

 
Posts: 5295 | Location: Oz | Registered: 22 June 2003Report This Post
Scroller Needing Therapy
Picture of Thunderstruck
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I love it, Sara. It's got subtlety, beauty, and flow. I can see that wine in the end. I can see it being wonderful.Smile
Excellent,
Kate.




"I think everybody's weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.”

― Johnny Depp.


 
Posts: 3069 | Location: Dreamland | Registered: 06 April 2004Report This Post
Scroll Guardian

Picture of Sara
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Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm amazed and a bit overwhelmed by your responses. I'm glad you all liked it so well. Smile

And mons, I get the whole 'appreciate' thing. And the frost part is my favorite also. It was actually the first verse that I thought of and everything sort of built around there.

And Nanzar, thank you for the compliment, it was unexpected but definitely welcome.

Thanks to Argy, zoom, Gabber & WP9, you know your opinions are very valued by me. Smile

Thanks again everyone, I'm actually a bit proud of this one and I'm glad you all enjoyed. Everyone's comments mean alot, truly. Smile


____________________________


I <3 4 foot 11, blonde, operatic wonders from Oklahoma.

There is no charge for awesomeness or attractiveness
 
Posts: 2157 | Location: Seattle, WA | Registered: 22 June 2003Report This Post
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