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Chief Chesty Forlock
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Picture of Argeaux
posted
posted January 06, 2002 12:39 PM

Argeaux

And you thought these challenges were over?! *maniacal laughter*

OK, here's what you have to do.

Take the poem below, and rework it in your own style.

You can change as much, or as little, about the poem as you like.

Take out words, insert new ones, change the grammar, whatever takes your fancy.

Let's see how our different voices work, and we can maybe "rescue" this poem, in the process.

I rise with the sun
sleep with the wind
into my head it spins
Unapologetic of the whistle it brings
Where is it from?
it wouldn't care to answer
Still the morning calls me on
drawing me from my dream world
I grab hold of the clouds like rings
as they dissolve into the reality of my day
Rubbing my head, plodding out of bed
Thinking about my dreamy-dream land
where the break of morning was my companion
where the wind whispered my name
And I awoke full of lust and shame
to face a day of infinite possibility
born between two worlds
in the grey dawn of realization
as I rise with the sun.
I turn and look
You are long gone, but I still smell you on my fingers
holding as long as i dare to moist memories of our stolen passion
supressing a smile confused by guilt
i turn by back on the rising sun to face the grey fog of my confusion
Not feeling like I belong to you
I never should have showed you my tears
i never should have showed you my fears
It feels so good to let go.
Although it has meant letting go of you


----------------------------------------

Nanzar

Well...
very weird idea
But I will comply.
I must accept the challenge (puts hands out like robot and repeats over and over.)

I am the sun rising on the wind
whispering names
that whistle of the days gone by
with you.

I smile, my guilt is not my own,
it's the day, the light,
the endless sky
that blinds.

I've said too much
I'll let go for now
because my hands
are only hanging on smoke rings.

----------------------------------------

Minion of Callisto

You asked for it... *evil grin*

Sunfire

Rising sun, falling wind,
my head is going to spin.
Whistling cruelly, burning hot -
Where is it from? - A planetfall shot...

I won't care to answer it
when the morning calls me up
drawing me from my dreamy state
sapping the strength of a god.

I grab hold of the clouds like rings
twisting them around my head
dreaming of walking up to Saturn
with giant steps, neglecting everything else.

As it dissolves into the reality of the day
dull, miserable and so gray,
I rub my head, falling out of bed
Thinking about my realms of dreams.

When the wind whispered my name
subliminally beyond hearable range,
In me awaking the lust and shame
to face another dream of endless possibilities.

Citizen of two different worlds,
fleeing the grey dawn of realization
as I rise, burning like the sun,
in fiery and merciless glory.

I turn and look, this world's god,
You all are... long gone,
but I can twist my fingers,
to get you back, like a swish!

Holding on to memories of passion
suppressing a smile of guiltless power-lust;
I turn my back on the dawning sun
facing the grey fog of reality again.

I never should have shown any tears,
you confined me to dreams of dark desires,
powerful but eerie, a substitute,
for your tender caress, so dearly missed!

It ain't necessarily that I'm wrong
fleeing la monde triste for dreams,
it ain't necessarily bad and deluded
to bathe in radiant power and glory,
it ain't necessarily so, that you...

broke my heart and made me leave.


(A. Walkling-Ribeiro, 1/2002)

The angst, the fear, the terror... all of it for you... [Smile]

Alex

----------------------------------------

Argeaux

The idea for this challenge came from mons' post where she asked us to rejig one of her poems.

Here's my attempt at this one:

Smudge

As the sun rises, so do I
Dreams swept away with the wind

My head spins
An unapologetic whistle
Where it comes from
I wouldn't care to answer

The morning calls me
Drawing me from my nightscape
I grasp at clouds
Rings dissolving into the reality of day

Rubbing my head, plodding out of bed
Escaping my dreamy-dream land
The break of morning my only companion
Wind still whispering my name
I awake full of lust and shame
Facing a day of finite possibility

Born between two worlds
Into the gray dawn of realisation
Rising into the sun
I turn and stare
You are long gone, but I still smell you
Holding as long as I dare to moist memories
Our stolen passion

Supressing a smile clouded with guilt
I turn my back on the beams of light
Facing instead my gray fog of confusion
Realising I never belonged to you

I showed you my tears and my fears
It felt so good to let go
Though, when all is said and all is done,
And whisps of mist are vanishing into steam,
I know it has meant letting go of you

Argeaux 2002

----------------------------------------

Argeaux

I didn't read the first two poems until I had posted mine, but when I did ..... SHIVERS TIME!! [Smile]

Nanzar - I loved the way you stripped the original poem back, taking just what you needed to get across the central ideas and emotions.

I LOVE that whistle of the days gone by and my hands are only hanging on smoke rings, but then I always WAS a sucker for a powerful image. [Smile]

MoC - you've done it again, lad! Another gothic masterpiece. A story of a vengeful god, manipulating the world for his own means. I ask for your mercy. [Big Grin]

----------------------------------------

mons

oh, my LORD guys!! i managed to make this thing LONGER! sooorrry! this was REAL fun though. [Smile] although i can't claim it as my own... i love it as though it were my own... and scrutinize it as such as well. very VERY cool! thanks argy!

hope you all like it.

I sleep with the wind
an unsolicited bedfellow
Unapologetic of the whistle he brings
I inquire where he is from
and he wouldn't care to answer
before I drifted into a sleep
induced by his melodic tune
and rise abruptly with the sun
when the morning called me on
drawing me from his dream world
pulling me from my hold of these clouds like rings
and I watch them dissolve into the reality of my day
I Rub my head, plod out of bed
My hands still feeling the ethereal swing of that dream air
where the break of morning was my companion
where the wind whispered my name
but I awoke with an odd sense of lust and shame
because I had to face a day of infinite impossibility.
I am born between two worlds
in the grey dawns of realization
and as I turn and look
You are long gone,
no evidence for this euphoria
supressing a smile confused by guilt
i turn my back on the rising sun
to ignore the grey fog of my confusion
as it dissipates along the horizon
and not feeling like I belong to you
I remember
I never should have showed you my tears
i never should have showed you my fears
But It felt so good to let go.
Even when it meant letting go of you
when the day demanded me back
and I had to recall the walls of my defenses
in this whistling alcove of wakefulness
left so silent without my mysterious stranger.

----------------------------------------

Gabber

Hmm...I really wonder how much I'll change of this...but I guess I will give it a go (how can I not accept a challenge from Argy??) [Wink]

"The Dream Has Died"

I rise with the sun
Wishing to sleep with the wind
But into my head you spin
Unapologetic of the piercing you bring
Even now you haunt my mind
I try to wish it away-
Like it would care to comply.

Still the morning calls me on
Drawing me from my dreamscape
And back into the reality of you.
I try to grab hold of the clouds like rings
But they dissolve in my hands-
They're as fake as you.

Rubbing my head, plodding out of bed
I wish to escape once more
To where the break of morning was my companion
Where the wind whispered my name...
But my wishes fall flat
As I awake full of lust and shame.

Facing the day bears such cruelty
As my heart dances between two worlds
But in the grey dawn of realization
There's no point in dancing
So I rise with the sun.

Facing my image in the mirror
Bags swelled beneath my eyes,
I thought I heard your voice
Quickly, I turn and look...
You are long gone
Only the ghost of you lingers in my bed.

Bringing my hands up to rub my eyes,
I realize I can still smell you on my fingers
Drawing in a deep breath as I close my eyes
Holding as long as I dare to moist memories of our stolen passion.

Supressing a smile confused by guilt
I turn my back on the rising sun
To face the grey fog of my hesitation-
Feeling like I don't belong to you
But shamelessly wishing I did.

I never should have showed you my tears
I never should have showed you my fears
Although it felt so good to let go
Of the confusion that clouded my head.

But if I had known revealing my truth
Meant letting go of you,
I would have stayed in the safety
Of my dreams.


Who knows if that works...lol, I dunno...that's my take on the poem anyways. Hope it worked. [Smile]

~Gabber
 
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