Last Things

Tuck my shoes under the chair leg
Put my dishes in the sink
Check my email
Turn out the lights

The last things I do
remind me of you.
Not because of the last things
we said to each other,
like when you said your toothpaste
was too foamy.
Who talks about toothpaste?

But now I'll always wonder what you meant
every time I brush my teeth-
the last thing I do
just before I go to bed.

~~~~~~~
Spider Veins

You grew spider veins
into our lives,
though you would refute it.
I can not count how many different ways
we' re bleeding
now that you are gone.

~~~~~~~~
Lizards

In the north we fear mice.
Down here it's hard to get used to
the lizards living among us.
They seem to have it so good.
No one chases them, not even the cat.
They roam every surface
like a dream you keep remembering-
and forgetting.

~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Haiku for You

I dove into the cold pool
to feel what you felt
when it was almost over.

I was all alone
and my heart was pierced with fear
but I could get out.

~~~~~~~
Cabana Boy

I played cabana boy
to your ghost,
getting a feel for the handle
and the motion of the brush
under water.
I walked in your footsteps
careful not to fall in,
though I wouldn't have cared
if I did.

~~~~~~~~~

Hello everyone. Feelings are starting to surface that I wanted to share. Thanks for being there.

All were terrific. It's amazing how poetry can help you to heal. My favorite was "Spider Veins". That gave me chills. "Lizards" reminded me of Hawaii.

Nanzar,

Wow... all of those poems are just...amazing. Honestly, it's a very good thing -- you writing and getting out those feelings that are surfacing, it will help in the long run, even to look back on years later when you need to. For some reason, "Last Things" really stuck out to me the most, even though maybe the others had more fear of sorts in them... Last Things is more how I could see it always being, how now maybe brushing your teeth haunts you, but in time, it could become one of your favorite things to do because it reminds you of your brother and his silly conversation about toothpaste. I dunno, that just really spoke to me in a lot of ways... Other than that one, the haiku one was very powerful as well, even though they ALL were.

I hope you are taking care of yourself or that your family/loved ones are taking care of you too. Feel free to keep sharing with us honey, there's absolutely no shame in it, and we'll continue to be here for you.

~Keri

They're all beautiful, Nanzar, and very different.

If I HAD to pick favourites, they would be your first two.

Keep writing, hon - it's a credit to his powerful memory.

Thank you for reading and responding to my little poems. I wrote one more about my mother that I thought I would share with you too. I was really impressed with her strength. I wrote this one as I watched her walk to her car after leaving me at the airport to go home.

The color of my mother is blue-
pool water blue,
metalic blue,
airconditioned blue.
My mother is blue as hope is blue,
her eyes are on the horizon
beyond the clouds.

~~~~~

Sweetie..*hugs*
I just read the news about your brother. I'm so sorry to hear that and I hope you're doing ok.
If you need anything, or to talk. I think you still have my email. I hate I was so late seeing it. I'm so glad you're able to write, and express things.

These poems are so touching..I love the Haiku.
The "Last Things" did strike something, it is the small things you think of the most often. I know how hard you must be taking this.

I really enjoyed the one about your mother. It gives off a very nice tone. Thanks so much for showing us these.

Oh I really liked the spider veins one also..it was just good..a nice thought.

I also was very moved by the first poem you wrote for him. It was very beautiful. I'll be thinking of you. Please keep writing.

Nanzar,

I just wanted to reply again to let you know I think the new one about your mother is beautiful... I could just picture you looking after her as she walked away, and seeing all of this in her. It's just a very beautiful tribute towards her hope and her strength. Thank you for sharing this one with us as well, I hope you're feeling some of that blue hope as well.

~Gabber