Hey everyone. *laughs* This is going to be something you would NOT expect to see from me. Keri can be uberserious, ubermushy, and ubermanythings, but one thing maybe most of you don't realize is that she can be ubergoofy and have her own twisted sense of humor.

The assignment? In Children's Literature, I had to turn in a paper today – either a paper or I could write my own fairy tale...pssh, who wants to research and write a paper when you can be creative? Well, writing a fairy tale ended up being harder than I thought it would be...but I finally decided on not going the traditional method that everyone would expect and came up with a quirky method. Some of you may enjoy, some of you may not, all depends. I think it's funny and cute personally.

If any of you have heard of a children's book called "The Day My Butt Went Psycho", that's where I got the idea of using the characters I did. Better than dogs, I say. Hehehe, enjoy.

~Gabber
...who is possibly insane
========


Mr. Pimply

There once was a place called the Land of the Butts where all mutant butts lived together in harmony. However, some of the butts thought they were better than the other butts. They would bully and make fun of the “lesser” butts in order to have a higher rank among the Butt People. There were four butts that particularly liked to pick on others. Their names were Smooth Butt who was the most respected, Waxed Butt who was envied by all, Freckled Butt who was their minion, and last but certainly not least, Hairy Butt. Hairy Butt could have been regarded as the ugliest of the Butt People, however he was the meanest and no one liked to cross his path.

The four butts liked to make fun of one butt in particular – Mr. Pimply. Mr. Pimply had one, big pimple on its right cheek. Everybody seemed to think Mr. Pimply was deformed and didn’t deserve to be respected. One day, the four butts approached Mr. Pimply because he was walking through their territory.

“What do you think you’re doing, One-Eye?!” Hairy Butt called out to Mr. Pimply.

Mr. Pimply tried to ignore them and continued walking; he still had memories of the four butts beating him up numerous times, and he knew talking never got him out of it.

“Hey! Why won’t you talk to us? Do you think you’re better than us, Whitehead?!” Waxed Butt called out in an angry tone.

Sighing, Mr. Pimply continued walking even though hearing them call him such names hurt his feelings. He wanted to lash out and call them names as well, but he knew that too wouldn’t do any good. It never had.

Almost as a last ditch effort, Hairy Butt kicked a ball they were playing with hard at Mr. Pimply’s backside. Mr. Pimply was knocked to the ground by the force and got himself all dirty in the mud. This made the four butts laugh all the more.

As he felt himself beginning to cry, Mr. Pimply got up and ran off in the direction he was heading to hide behind a rock where he knew the other butts would not be able to see him. He always came to this spot whenever he needed a place to get away to deal with the everyday traumas. He cried and cried for hours because the things his fellow butts did to him made him so sad. Why did they do that? Why do they hate him so much? Why can’t he just play with them and feel a part of things? Why did he have to have this stupid pimple? Why why why? The “why”s were never-ending, as were his tears.

Hours later, Mr. Pimply heard something in the near distance – it sounded like pounding on the ground, but it didn’t sound like any sound he’d ever heard his fellow butts make. Poking his head out just a little bit from behind the rock, he saw something that made him quiver in fear.

There was an entire army of hands marching down the hill toward the Land of the Butts. They looked poised for battle and carried signs that said, “Are you ready to be spanked?”

Mr. Pimply could not believe his eyes! The hands wanted to spank the butts! But...if they did, the butts would all die!

However, when Mr. Pimply saw Hairy Butt and the other three butts leading the army of the Butt People, he felt confused. He wouldn’t mind if Hairy Butt and his friends died – maybe then all the jokes and the laughter would stop. But at the same time, he saw other butts that didn’t deserve to be spanked, who were kind to each other...even if they weren’t necessarily kind to him.

Mr. Pimply watched with fear and anticipation as he watched the two armies face each other. The King of the Hands started off the first spank when he bounced up and whapped a butt in fury. Mr. Pimply gasped, but firmly stayed hidden behind his rock because if they never saw him, he could not get hurt. The other butts didn’t understand how much more a spank would hurt him because of his big pimple. He wasn’t about to go down there just to endure the agony with them, even if he could possibly help them win. Maybe if he stayed behind the rock, he could run away and never be found again – he could live in peace!

He couldn’t stop watching the battle unfold before his eyes though. As he watched his fellow butts being spanked and killed, a part of him died with each one. He couldn’t believe it when he saw the King of the Hands approach Hairy Butt, giving him a single fierce blow that ended his life. Mr. Pimply thought this would bring him joy, but it only brought him more sorrow.

“That’s it! I can’t watch anymore!” Mr. Pimply cried out. Despite the pain he knew he was going to endure, he realized his comrades were in trouble. He was willing to sacrifice and endure in order to help the Butt People continue to live and reign on their land.

Mr. Pimply hurried down the hill until he was right in front of the King of the Hands himself. The King of the Hands smirked at his opponent, realizing that this had to be one of the ugliest butts he had ever seen. As they circled one another, he said menacingly, “Are you ready to be spanked, Pimplehead?”

“Do you really think you can kill me?” Mr. Pimply felt a courage build up inside of him that he had never experienced before when facing off with Hairy Butt and his friends. This courage rose up within him because of his love for his people. They may not be perfect – they may be hairy, they may be artificially waxed, they may be small or big, or even pimply like himself – but they were his comrades and he knew life would not be the same without them.

He couldn’t help but grin because he could see even the King of the Hands wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t hit this huge pimple. Both the King and Mr. Pimply secretly knew his pimple was the Butt People’s only hope.

The King of the Hands was hopping around him, looking like he was going to aim for Mr. Pimply’s left cheek – the clean cheek. Just as the King of the Hands jumped up and swung himself at Mr. Pimply’s left cheek, Mr. Pimply turned quickly and the hand ended up hitting his right cheek, right on the pimple. He let out a loud cry of agony as the pain shot throughout his whole body.

Suddenly, a stream of ooze ejected from the pimple in a perfect arch that ended up covering the whole entire army of the hands. Cries were heard from all the hands as they were knocked to the ground, including the King of the Hands himself. The white-ish, purple ooze stuck to them – they couldn’t get out from underneath it, and it ended up suffocating them all as they suffered a horrible death.

The remaining butts could not believe what they were seeing, and looked over at Mr. Pimply with a newfound respect. Here they had always looked at his pimple as a deformity, something to be mocked and laughed at, but in the end it was the only thing that could save them from the attack of the hands. Mr. Pimply was a butt to be treasured after all.

Immediately, a couple of butts raised Mr. Pimply up and the whole crowd gathered around him in awe. The Butt People rejoiced and they celebrated Mr. Pimply’s victory by naming him King of all the Butts...and finally, Mr. Pimply felt accepted and loved for who he truly was.

THE END.

The moral: Never judge a butt by its pimple.



"Feeling blue
When I'm trying to pick up the feeling that I miss you
Feeling green
When the jealousy swells and it won't go away in dreams
Feeling yellow
I'm confused inside, a little hazy but mellow
When I feel your eyes on me
Feeling fine, sublime
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Nobody told me it'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light when I close my eyes
I'm colour blind
You make me colour blind..."

I found it quite amusing. I laughed my heh butt off. No pun intended. Good story, ya oddball.

Although I think you should put some sort of disclaimer cause yeeeah, that pimple explosion? Ewwww!

Other than that, I'd read this story to my kids, if I had any, but then again, I'm kinda a freak that way.

I offer no apologies for the things that I believe and say
And I like it that way

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

Sara,

Why thank you m'dear, I am but only here to serve and amuse you. Heh. *laughs* Pun or no pun, funny. Thank you really, and yes, I am a big oddball...people should be afraid, be very afraid.

LOL, the pimple explosion is the one thing I've gotten a lot of "Ewwwww!" reactions on...maybe there should be a disclaimer. (Beware: During the following story, a sticky white-ish substance may eject from the pages. You have been warned.) Like that? Huh? What do you think?

*grins* Well yes, you are a freak that way...and so am I (eh, had to be to write this )...but thanks really, I appreciate the kind comments and the grossed-out face...makes my heart all warm and fuzzy, lol.

~Keri



"Feeling red
When you spend all your time with your friends and not me instead
Feeling black
When I think about all of the things that I feel I lack
Feeling jaded when it's not gone right
All the colours have faded
Then I feel your eyes on me
Feeling fine, sublime
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Nobody told me it'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light when I close my eyes
I'm colour blind
You make me colour blind..."

It should say "Disclaimer: bodily fluids may be dispelled and described a little too well"


*shutters* ew. anyhoo, i have a couple of questions though. if the ball hit him on the back side.... is that his butt? what's on the other side of the butts? more butt? wouldn't they then fall in half? how come we killed harry butt? why not smooth butt? i bet he's arrogant. Do the bad ass butts have tattoos? he he.

he he hehe... you said... and i QUOTE! he he

quote:

---

Beware: During the following story, a sticky white-ish substance may eject from the pages. You have been warned.

---

IF i'm the only one who sees the funny in this... i should go wash my dirty little mind. he he h ehe he he

mons

ps. it was the "purple" that gave me the ewws, along with the covered in sticky part. eeEEEeEww!!

"I never understood the whole 'no cruel and unusual' punishment thing. If it's not cruel and unusual, it' not punishment." - PFJ

Aww... I don't think my teacher enjoyed my fairy tale. LOL, dangit, he SAID I could be witty and inventive and up-to-date... if he wanted something more "traditional" he should have said so, and not left that as a possibility.

*laughs* But honestly, I find it kinda funny that he didn't enjoy it all that much. I think it's quite fitting-- he's not supposed to like it. It's for kids and their humor.

See below for his response to it:

"You've done a good job with MLA format.

The land of butts?

This is clear and detailed, but it's really TOO silly (too pun-based).  That may be a good thing, but I miss some of the wide range of implications/suggestions you find in the traditional folk literature.

Overall, you've done an excellent job with editing and proofreading.

This is good for a first paper.  I think it would be stronger with some subtler humor, but it's fun and funny and clearly written.

88

John C."

...

Awww....I only got an 88%. I think I deserved a 90 at least. ESPECIALLY if I did an excellent job with editing and proofreading. Content is subjective and changes with each reader. :-p

Ah well. MR PIMPLY RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And mons? You really DO have a dirty mind. Even *I* didn't go there!

lol, and as for the backside thing...I leave a lot of the "images" up to the reader's imagination on purpose...do they have two butts? Do they have one? Do they have a flat side? Do they have arms and legs? Who knows. Only you do. (As in you the reader, whoever you may be.)

~Gabber



"You're waiting for a change
You're waiting for the day
When all that you remember is with you once again
There's a long road ahead
It stretches out for miles
And if you want some company, walk with me awhile
And when the road gets too rough

You can put your head down on my shoulder
A little warmth when it gets colder
I don't know the things that you're going through
But you can put your head down on my shoulder
Weather the storm till it blows over
I know you're there for me too
So I'll be there for you..."

Actually I liiiiiked the ooze--it was very non Disney if you get my drift, and yes I love Disney but I like stuff like Triplets of Belleville too--hey! A lil ooze adds color to a fairytale--and purple isn't a bad one either!

Okay i'm in a strange mood prolly cuz i'm tired.

But i thought this was SO cute, and pooey on that teacher, he sounds like a stuffed shirt to me! Ah well, like you said, it's for kids and their humor. Definitely. And most adults(when they allow themselves to be silly like me) can also appreciate it.

Well done! You should write more for children as well as adults i think. You have a talent.

LOL, ain't the ooze just wonderful? Ah yes, Mr. Pimply how I love you. *laughs* Nobody ever said I was a Disney-writing kinda gal. A Diane Warren writing kinda gal, sure. But certainly not Disney.

lol, I honestly don't know why I chose the color purple...I think just adds to the "eww" factor so I like that, hehe.

Thanks. Y'know, my mom has always said I need to write more children books, but I just...never really "got it"...I know there's a lotta money in children's books and it's relatively easy to write 'em. But I dunno, it's so difficult for me to do. However, gross humor? I can do. Hehehe.

Thanks again sweetie, I appreciate it. And so does Mr. Pimply.

~Keri