Autopsy

I dream of my own autopsy
Flesh mounded on cold steel
The knife sliced through
My wide chest, open now

Revealing cavities unknown
Where every last breath
And every single beat
Of my heart has gone

Open the lung sacks
See why have I not
Been able to breathe
When I need to most

Pierce my heart
Look for holes
Where all my dreams
Have disappeared

Slice my skull in two
Be careful not to make a mess
Those brains
Are already scattered

Two bulbs of grey matter
Weighed on the scales
And found wanting,
Reason, never my strong suit

Cut anywhere else you like
Joints, flesh, bone
Look for the origin
of all my life's pain

It's got to be in there somewhere

~~~~~~~~~
edited for spelling and typos

This message has been edited. Last edited by: The Troll,

I think this is as coherent as I'm going to get.

Nice work Nanzar, I really liked this one.

An overall feeling of hopelessness is what I felt. That and that feeling you have when desperate to understand how and why your life is the way it is. Or why you feel the way you do. The last line struck the biggest chord with me.

"It's got to be in there somewhere"

Somewhere within there has to be a reason for why things are happening this way, or why I feel this way or why so and so doesn't feel this way about me. I think I'm not articulating this right, but I *got* it.

lol, I'm rambling but it's good stuff. I really liked this one. Keep it up.

Thank you Sara for taking the time to comment. After reading your poem, "Finish Line" I thought that we two were on the same wavelength with these poems. Yes, you have got it. The feeling of coming up short in life is in here, but only implied. Thanks for articulating it back to me.

One more thing I could say about this poem is that it is about how hard we try in our lives to figure out the causes of things, but that being alive is such a complex thing, you can't just dissect yourself an expect to understand why you feel the way you do.

If that's too wordy I apologize. Maybe the poem says it well enough with out my help.

Nanzy! Nanzar. Nanza-rooney!

I like the theme, I believe it to be the strongest point that really carried through and made it a little stronger on the whole than in parts. Um, the whole was greater than the sum of it's parts. Does that make sense? I mean, I read the title (i read it as auto-spy at first --dyslexia rocks!ha ha)but a poem about your own autopsy? That's GREAT! And as the body came apart and you're looking for all that stuff that's "missing" and went wrong. That was great.

I think it could have been a little "thicker" though. More texture, or something. I can't explain it, or put my finger on exactly what it was. Something tells me that the word play used was teetering between simple language and complex layered language, not having commited fully to either, it leaves me thinking each line is going to be more or less, i never know what to expect. I'll think about it. Maybe you felt it too. Then again, maybe i just need to read it again. :P

Good stuff though! Thanks.

{{{mons, mons, mons}}}

I feel like that character on SNL yelling Rick, Rick, Rick!

It's great to hear from you after so long! Thanks for your comments. I agree that the language is a little thin, a little less than expected. It's intentional. I wanted a kind of antiseptic feel. We see so many autopsies on TV these days that it isn't hard to imagine the cold and calculating methods that are used. There isn't really any need to embellish.

quote:

Um, the whole was greater than the sum of it's parts. Does that make sense?

This is exactly right. Just as the whole of being is greater than the sum of the parts of our lives. In some ways this is a poem about despair, but I think the message comes through that despair isn't the only conclusion once you realize that your life (energy, spirit) is more complex than you first thought.

Nanzar-I like it too. The last bit 'Look for the origin of all my life's pain' is where I saw the focus of the poem. It seems an odd mix of simple language but also interesting is how you used the theme and materials of death to abstract on life.

Snowy you haven't been around here for a while so you've missed some of the happenings.

Nanzar doesn't live here any more.

Well I'm sure they all come back sooner or later. Even just to take a peak