Exercise: Plot a scene where there are three distinct "incremental perturbations." Develop the scene into a full length story. (The best way I can explain this one is that there are supposed to be three surprises in the story-- that's essentially what "incremental perturbations" are.)


"Emerging Colors"

This was my escape. It was the only way I could ever truly get away from the drama that seemed to occupy my every minute. Some people wouldn’t like going to work – they would prefer staying home...but that’s not me. I enjoy getting out of the house and getting away to my passion – developing photography.

I enjoy looking at the many pictures that come into our dark room. I’ve seen everything from kids playing with their toys, to happy families, to strained families, to couples in their bedroom taking pictures I’m surprised they want a developer to see. There’s always something interesting in a work day, always something that stands out to me and offers up a story – offers up a world unlike my own.

No one would want my world, that’s for sure. Growing up with five brothers was never easy, but it certainly got harder when most of them ended up in gangs, on the streets, or worse, in jail. One of my brothers was in prison for sexually assaulting a woman, another for theft. The only brother I have left is the youngest, Richie, and thank God, he’s our family’s pride and joy. He’s the one who gives us hope because of his purity and wonderful heart. He gives me hope, something that nobody has ever been able to accomplish in my 25 years. Besides developing, he’s the only sane thing I have in this world, the only thing that can bring me calm.

With a sigh, I take a picture and place it into a tray to make the color come alive, and finally the image becomes clear and is no longer so small through the negative’s point of view. As red, blue, black, and green jump before my eyes, I smile – this is always the best part of developing. It’s like watching magic happen, real magic. While gently moving the picture around in the tray with a small wooden stick, my hand pauses in its routine as my eye catches something in the picture.

“This is odd,” I mumble to myself. Quickly, I take the picture out of the tray and hang it up on the line to dry. I look at the picture for a moment, and slowly but surely my eyes widen. At first look, the picture is just another smiling couple posing in the mountains... but upon closer inspection, just behind the couple in the background, I see something unusual. A man is holding a woman, but he’s holding her in a way that you wouldn’t normally see in public. He is standing directly behind her and... “Oh my god...” I drop my wooden stick to the ground.

He is holding a knife to the woman’s throat.

Realizing I may have captured a crime on film, I grab the magnifying lense that I keep closeby to see if there are any discrepancies in the way the picture turns out. Holding it up against the photo, my eyebrows narrow in concentration. I notice first that the woman’s skirt is ripped up the side, and my heart begins to pound in my ears.

My eyes turn to the man who could do such a thing to an innocent woman, and my heart nearly stops – it’s Richie...my brother, my pride and joy...Richie. The lense drops from my hand, and my eyes look off into the distance as all my dreams begin to shatter right before me. My favorite brother had committed a crime, had hurt a woman and never once showed it in his eyes. Who knows what else he hasn’t showed...

The world must have stopped. My world stopped. Even the worlds’ of the people’s photos I shared in stopped.

A blank, unreadable expression crossed my face. Slowly, I reached up and took the photo in my hand, pulling it down from the line. Looking at it once more, I knew what I had to do.

And without a moment’s hesitation, I pulled my lighter out, flicked the flame on and burned the photo. Inch by inch, the image disappeared.

No one would ever know.



"Yeah, I know it hurts
Yeah, I know you're scared
Walking down the road that leads to who knows where
Don't you hang your head
Don't you give up yet
When courage starts to disappear
I will be right here

When your world breaks down
And the voices tell you "turn around"
When your dreams give out
I will carry you, carry you
When the stars go blind
And the darkness starts to flood your eyes
When you've fallen behind
I will carry you..."

Wow, that was--intriguing? Captivating? Cool? That was pretty damned good, the only thing that sucks is it wasn't longer! I'm curious if she can really look at her brother the same, if he would notice the change in her if she can't. I would have liked to see some interaction between him and her, some sort of bonding that would really make me understand her motives. Cause really, i think her hopes have been shattered picture or no picture. I think i want to see all those things because the main character came about strong enough to make me want to know more about her. This could be a MOVIE. That would be pretty cool.

Ha, your teacher is cool... "incremental perturbations".... man, why not just say "surprised"? *lol* Nah, that's what makes an english teacher a creative writing teacher!

You know what i like aout CW classes? They always help me come up with things that i would have never thought of if i hadn't been challenged or asked to produce. Did you have that story plopping around your head before? You know what would be cool, a book of "muses" or a book with, like, a 1000 different things to get you going. That's probably called the Journal Magazine i've seen at the book store. Well, i want the book. Maybe they have one, i should go look for it. Anyhow, that was some good work! Really enjoyed the read!

mons

mons,

I really liked writing this one because of all the "intriguing" turns in it. To be honest, I've kind of had the same idea-- that I might possibly continue it in longer form because well, it could make a pretty good novel-- it's got enough turns and twists in the idea and all that it could stand alone as a longer work I think. You're the third person to say they wished it was longer so they could hear more about the people and what happens (Creative Writing class and all speaking up).

As for the incremental perturbations, that's what I was saying, dangit. It took me a good hour or so to finally figured out that what she wanted was surprises/twists/shocks in the story. Ugh.

That's what I liked about my CW class too. It's too bad that it's over now. Apparently, I can take it again, but I'd be afraid of the same assignments the next year and then my one idea I've obviously already written. That would suck. But I really did enjoy it, it helped me write stuff that I normally wouldn't. Especially with short stories. I never wrote short stories before- maybe one or two. And in the last year or so, I've only been about poems, so to break out a bit and do this stuff was nice.

Anyways, thanks for the compliments! I'm glad you enjoyed it...this was prolly the piece I was most proud of out of the semester- I guess I saved the "best" for last.

~Gabber



"If one day you discover him
Broken down, he's lost everything
No cars, no fancy clothes to make him who he's not
The woman at his side is all that he's got
Why do you ask him to move Heaven and earth to prove his love has worth?

Would he walk on water?
Would he run through fire?
Would he stand before you when it's down to the wire?
Would he be your anchor when the dark unfolds?
Will he always love you the best that he knows?
Would he give his life up to be all he can?
Is that how you measure a man?"