Okay, it's time to face some demons. You write some terrible stuff. Just godawful. Stuff that should never ever see the light of a fire from the inside, much less the light of day. No matter how wonderful you think your poetry is--hell, no matter how good it really is-- you have some horrible verses that you have committed to paper-or at least your hard drive.

Now let's exorcise those demons. Embrace your horrendous poetry. Flaunt your strained rhymes and labored meters.

There is only one rule. This must be poem you wrote sincerely. It must be unintentionally bad. Don't give us one you purposely wrote as swill. Honesty, please. Tell us what you think went wrong with it.

Steps forward Hi, you may have noticed that I never post poetry. There is a good reason why. I'm not a poet. As evidence of this, I offer up the following little verse.

I found this last weekend going through some old papers. I can say nothing in my defense. I was 17 (and oddly enough, a virgin) when I wasted these two sheets of paper. I think I was trying to write song lyrics. At least, I know I have a tune in my head when I read these. The first half is bad, but I was clearly straining to finish it in the last half. I seem to remember I meant to go on, but thank goodness I didn't. If only I had stopped before it started.

Virgins Can't Be Trusted

Said the unicorn mare
To her darling little foal
In this world be aware
Of the human virgin's goal

All alone and forlorn
In the meadow you'll see one
Just watch out for your horn
There are hunters on the run

Just because a creature
Isn't guilty of lechery
Doesn't mean the creature
Isn't capable of treachery

Virgins can't be trusted
Keep away at any cost
Virgins can't be trusted
Stray too near and all is lost

The darling little foal
Grew into a stallion fine
His coat was black as coal
(As was befitting his line)

His mother filled with pride
Whenever he would run by
And all the fillies sighed
Their enraptured hearts would cry

Through the forest ran he
On a very fine morning
In a clearing sat She
Unaware of his scorning

Intrigued he came nearer
He gazed into her dark eyes
He did not then fear her
For who was of greater size?

There were no hunters close
But the danger was intense
From her spell bellicose
He was engulfed by incense

There came a blinding flash
From a magical gesture
And his soul felt a slash
From his body--a departure

Two legs he now sported
He no longer wore his coat
His forelegs were short'ed
On he no filly'd dote

No unicorn was he
There now stood the merest man
So Cruelly cackled she
His horn within her hand span

Know ye now my cretin
Your very own special doom
There's no use for frettin'
At least you're not in a tomb

Curse me all you care to
It won't do you any good
On your horn I swear to
See you suffer in manhood

Virgins can't be trusted
They'll kill you or even worse
Virgins can't be trusted
Ask the man who was a horse


hangs head God, it was even more awful than I realized.


Okay, step on up. What you have to offer couldn't possibly be as bad as that! Remember, unintentionally bad stuff only. Cause nothing is funnier than the natural stuff.

*snaps fingers like a beatnik*
Now that is absolute Song of Songs in owwwwch!

LOL, you rock, Nora... alright, I'm willing to step up. However, I will admit this isn't my worst stuff. That's trapped on some old discs that I'm going to see if I can get into later on my Windows comp... but for now, this is the worst I got. A cheesy, oh so cheesy song. Now if I could post my fiction, then you'd truly know how horrible of a writer I was when I was 12!

~Gabber
==========


"Now I Know..."

Never thought we'd be more than friends,
But as the days begin,
We grow closer.
As I gaze into your eyes,
I see the fire that has started.
Hold me now,
Don't ever let me go...

Chorus:
Now I know how love feels,
Never believed it could be you,
That I'm holding in my arms,
This couldn't be wrong.

I'm afraid this isn't right,
But it's just my fear,
Getting in the way.
But I know this love is real,
And I know you're the one I want.

Please believe me,
Don't leave my side
And let this go...

Foooooooor...

(Chorus)

--1995

*cough* There IS worse than that. Much worse. I'll find it and return at a later time. *smirk*

I should have known from all the exclamation marks that this poem was trash from the beginning, but I had something to say! (Don't know quite what that was now.)

My Code

I’m not a dead cheese eater!
And yet I am
I can’t function
I can’t function
My body, my brain, my mother
It’s all a mess!

When did I get into this culture war?
Republican technocrats
Selling ideas like penny candy
You need this! You want this!
You have to have this!
I don’t want you!

When will my own nature stop deceiving me?
Where is my own identity?
If you tell me I’m safe
Tell me I’m loved
Who say’s I deserve these things?
Who made me king?

The walls are going up all around me
Made of cars and cigarettes
Leather sofas and big ideas for small minds,
Like opportunity
Climate change, The Death Tax,
Democracy,
It’s all a lie-
It’s all a clever lie
And I’m buying it.

I rarely wrote poetry because I can't stand about 99% of poetry but I wish I had my hands on some really awful stories or else song lyrics! Then again I look at stories I wrote six weeks ago and go *barf*! hehe.

I still bow to the mighty unicorns and what about the Greens and the Libertarians and... hey...?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Herculena,

LOL, hilarious. Loving the bad poetry. Wish more people would get the guts to show their bad stuff.

I found my worst stuff deep in the dark recesses of my closet. Yes, the things I do to give you guys a laugh. I venture into the scary area of my closet.

These two...oh good Lord is all I can say.

~Gabber
=============


"The Dog I Love"

There's a lot of love that builds inside,
When your dog stays by your side.
He acts the way he feels,
Since that's what makes his heart real.

For miles you hear his bark,
Through the light and the dark.
When he's mad he'll never bite,
For he knows it's not right.

When he walks he shows his grace,
And it brings joy to my face.
When I stand by my window,
Each day I see how he has grown.

Next to each other we stand,
No one can break out special band.
He can be as peaceful as a dove,
And he easily shows his love.

When you let out all your tears,
He lets you know he's still here.
And when you're sitting all alone,
He's still waiting for you at home.

--1994


"Sunrise on the Fairest Hill"

As I looked out into the stunning sunrise,
It reminded me of a flower's bloom.
It felt like I was winning a Nobel prize,
For getting to see something else than the moon.

I stood in amazement,
Not knowing if I could leave.
I felt like I had been put in a tent,
Knowing that I had been deceived.

I wondered if I'd get to see this again,
For this opportunity is very rare.
For this is something you could never lend,
So watch, because you've got no time to spare.

--1994

Someone shoot me now.

I don't keep any poems that I write, I haven't for years. I kept the original copy of "The Vineyard" and I think I have the original of "Arrogance" somewhere. The rest are all for shit, so I toss 'em. I was tossing out some junk, letters, and assorted things when I found this the other day. I was a senior in high school. I'd say something in my defense, but there's nothing to say. lol I was just an angsty teenager, even at 18.

For your amusement.

"Passive Aggressive"

I swear to God you drive me mad
Bringing out the best of me that's bad
I can't stand the things you do
That force me to act this way around you

I really don't feel this way
But you've just got to have your say
Can't let it go when you've already won
Can't let things go back to where we've just come

And I'd let you know how I feel inside
But you've let me know, it doesn't count, it isn't right
So I'll sit here and fume and complain
And find a way to take all of the blame

Cause it works, as stupid and messed up as it seems
But I'd do just about anything to keep you here with me
Cause you've made it apparent you can take me or leave
I can't, so whatever it takes to keep you pleased.

--SMC 3/25/97

I see a lot of people are still scared. C'mon on out of hiding!

Here's another one of my bad ones to bring you out...

~Gabber
=========


"Beautiful Place"

As the waves crashed against the rocks,
I was laying on the sand.
I could hear the seagulls talk,
As they landed on my hand.

The ocean seemed to speak to me,
As the sun started to dim it's light.
There was a lot more I started to see,
As I waited for the fall of night.

The tide started to come in,
For I could feel it coming over my feet.
It was like no place I had ever been,
Or like no person I would ever meet.

The ocean has a special magic,
That lets you know its nature.
It's not as harsh as any gadget,
For it's as sweet as the rapture.

---1993

Yeesh... Gadget?!? *cough*

i take great pleasure in discards and forgetting the crappier stuff. but one particularly vile bit i've never quite shaken from a horrible poem i tried to write regarding my Taurean nature...something about a Venus heart/in an ox-borne cart.... terrible enough for you?

venus heart.... *snickers* ox-borne cart.... he he he he...

bad poetry? what? i don't WRITE bad poetry... *ahem*

*runs and hides*

mons

you don't share, you can't laugh...

Look, i honestly destroy all my worst poetry. It ends up deleted in one quick blue highlight and a tap of my pointer finger. That's the worst stuff! And no, i don't write anything on paper anymore. it leaves a bloody linguistic corpse. But, i do have stuff i'd rather not share cause i know it sounds a bit like i can't form a thought... and it leaves the reader thinking... "oh". and i don't mean like a cool pensive "oh"... but like an *long silence, awkward glance around* oh... *fake smile* that was... ummm... nice. so here's one.

The Catch of Dreams

To have slept
And found love
In the somber night
To have awoken
And found awareness
In sound disturbance
I curse the moonlight
Having opened my weary eyes
Breaking the sunlight
Existing behind these heavy lids
No sun should be had
Without such awakenings
No celebration of miracles
Without the comparison of its end

yeah. oh. *shrugs* i shared.... back to my laughning..

*snickers*

mons

zoomie zoom zoom – *laughs* Okay, that's good (Er...bad?) enough for me...lol, that one line rocked.

monsie – ....Oh. *ducks and laughs quite a bit* C'mon, you know you love me, little brat that I am. I was digging it...until half way through...and then I began to "oh"... lol... *cough*

I gotta find my very worst poem I've ever written...it's hiding somewhere, but it's a classic!

~Gabber

hey! look, the thought i was trying to get across was GOOD, it had POTENTIAL.... *g*

a classic, hu? what are you tyring to say? you don't write bad stuff anymore? you incappable? hm? hu?

i'm not jealous....

mons

Ummm, I can't articulate my frustration and depression right now, but does it count that if I could, I'd be spewing verse after horrible verse about my car, how I love her, how I loathe her, why can't she be fixed goddamnit, I was going to wash her and give her love, etc., etc.?

I think "potential to be terrible if it could be articulated" should count damnit.

In-articulate it and then we shall enjoy sneering.

oooh! do it. you can title it "Faith No More."

Ha! Leave it to you bitches to make me laugh about the whole thing. I woke up earlier this morning and didn't feel nearly as pissed, so I dunno, I think the moment for angsty, terrible poetry about my car may have passed.

But don't hold your breath, I'm sure something else will go wrong and I'll be back in here, painfully typing out the soliloquy to my Faith. And I'll title it "Faith No More", cause that's just funny. Nice one zoom.

The cat ate all my bad poetry. Seriously.

Well i found this, i'm not sure it's the absolute worst thing i ever wrote but it sure ain't somethin i expect to get honorable mention at poetry.com.

Not Looking Back
by Kate Quinn(c) 2001

I walk on
Regardless of your tears,
Regardless
My ache
I feel
But it must be done

Cutting ties
Held too long for sentimental
purposes
Such melodrama
Love is overstated.

Misguided
Mixed Messages
Constant pull
on my sanity.

Go away.
Enough's been said.
Dwell on nothing
Move along.

Hehe, I kinda like that Kate. *cough* But yay for joining in!

I got one...this was supposed to be my very worst song ever (it is), but I can't find the lyrics. So I'm just writing up the first verse and the chorus, 'cause that's all I can remember (and it's bad enough!!). So here we go...

"Running Away"

I’m alone
Here...on my own
These tears I cry
I can’t hide
Time goes by
I’m still...wondering why
All this pain
Is driving me insane
(picture a nice knock knock noise on my guitar at this point and then heavy metal Keri -- at 11 years old :-p)

Running away!
Feel my pain!
On this day!
Running away!
Nowhere to hide!
Deep inside!

...

*cough* Yeah. *cough* MOVING ON... LOL.

And I just randomly found this jem while looking for the lyrics for the last one. *smirk*


We had a love, that could never end
We were like a brick that you could never bend
We would always try
But it was so hard not to cry
But I wished we never said good-bye

I see you in my dreams
You treat me so kind
I don't understand what it means
It seems so different than what I had in mind

Why did you leave
I would have stayed forever
I know you didn't decieve me
Never

...

Uh. Huh. *exit stage left*

~Gabber

But wait, there's more. Fresh off the press. God almighty, this one really sucks. LOL. I was actually trying to write something half way decent about/for Argy, just something I'd noticed and was appreciative of.

So yes, instead of it turning out something relatively nice, it turned out as this. LOL I'm really sorry Argy, at least the thought was a nice one.

For your amusement.

"Challenge Me"

Challenge me to something great
Force me to stand and bear the weight
Of responsibility for who I am, for what I believe
Find a way to be better, to see what I can achieve

Push me in the way you do
Gently, resolutely, but never cruel
To aspire to the dreams I set aside
Never content in mediocrity, to fight against the tide

Find my voice, the one you know is there
Undeneath trite, unimaginative words of despair
Challenge me, it's the only way
To salvage what the world is stripping away.

--SMC

quote:

Originally posted by Gabber:

Running away!
Feel my pain!
On this day!
Running away!
Nowhere to hide!
Deep inside!

wow. six exclamation points. you really, really meant it, eh?
***
you know Sara---a lot of my rejects are like that last one of yours...well- intentioned...good words and images...but somehow the execution is just off. it just doesn't go together right. when that happens sometimes i like to take the best line or two of the piece and start over around those. at these there weren't any oxen or unicorns...

zoom, s'pretty much it, the execution is off. Which means I need to hold more public executions so that my timing gets better.

I take heart
in knowing I made no mention of unicorns or oxen bearing a cart.

LOL.

LOL, oh yes, zoom, I really, really meant it... life as an 11-year-old is terribly traumatizing.

I think at 11, I thought I needed to be suicidal depressing with my poetry/songs. You think I'm joking! All my stuff back then is really, really depressing. I read it and it makes me want to go jump off a cliff.



~Gabber