i really don't know what to call this one. so... for now a year does nothing is the revelation i have come to. what is it about? well.. it's about time i FIND SOMEONE TO LOOOOVE!!! he he thanks for reading. tell me if you like it. tell me if you hate it. tell me if you would rather dip your eyes in a bucket of lye.

Time Does Nothing

I forgot
We were being watched
Although I translated
Your words in French
To accommodate our guest while
You casually lit the cigarette
Balanced lightly between your fingers
And took a long freeing breath then
Paused as you exhaled
In this deep maroon haze
Romantic words about my attractiveness
Escaped your full lips
The dark mellowness of my eyes
You could get lost in
The intrigue of my cryptic smile—
A reflection of your dancer limbs
Dormant over the arms
Of a second hand recliner—
Made there way through my
Tight-latticed screen
Laid out to strain compliments
But in this night without a sky
And this room bathed in a lamp light
Like warm candles and the smell of
Singed vanilla
Laissez-faire midnight translations
Made me feel beautiful
And I could love past the smoke
And understand past the French
Long enough to fall
Madly for you.


i hope you went where i did. cause it was nice. and now i'm going to lay down with that memory in loop. you'd think a year would do it. you'd think... you'd think time could erase everything or at least provide some other sort of relief.

Thanks for the Title Zoom!

mons

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mons,

you'd think a year would do it. you'd think... you'd think time could erase everything or at least provide some other sort of relief.

if it was real & true & beautiful, the memory will always be there in full gut-grabbing, heart-twisting technicolor reality. times doesn't do anything...you do.

You are absolutely right zoom. I usually have a goldfish memory. When something happens, and i want to forget it, i just remember a moment where that memory didn't exist. Just a second will do, and then i think of every second there after as THE second where the problem never existed. It helps me, by the second, develop minutes, hours, eventually months where i am able to cope without having to loop that one fragment. Let's say i have a friend that moved, and them being gone is hard. I would just think of right now as one of those days where they were out of town, or this hour as the hour they were at work.

Maybe i don't want to forget. But i also can't understand why i want to still hurt. Why i don't want to shut this moment out like i have done to so many other moments that seemed more important. i'm ready to loop absence, and all it seems i want to loop is presence.

I know... i know. time doesn't do anything. but in the time i've been given, my usual defenses haven't worked. i guess you could say it hasn't been enough time.

mons

ps... is this from the movie "A Long Kiss Goodnight" with Geena Davis? I love that movie.

quote:

---

Originally posted by mons:
ps... is this from the movie "A Long Kiss Goodnight" with Geena Davis? I love that movie.

---

my name? sure is.

monsie,

Felt it... felt this one. After first reading it, I had no idea who you were talking about. But after reading your reply, I think I do. Has it been a year? Wow... sometimes it goes so quick...and other times, it goes so slow.

I found it interesting reading your poem because I had one of those "it's been a year" moments recently as well. When you realize that, there's a measure of sadness. A year seems so...I dunno... like you can't get it back and you wish you could. If that makes any sense.

Honestly, I don't know if I agree with the fact that time does nothing. In fact, I know I don't (sorry zoomie, lol). Just because that means you'd be stagnant. Nothing has changed, not a single thing.

Plus, for some people, time can change feelings. People you were once in love with, not so much anymore, in fact sometimes they're the last person you'd want to talk to or see. Sometimes they're just there. That's what time can do... But I'm a believer that time can also reveal what doesn't change.

I know you've been on the search for love for a long time...for someone to love you in return the way you love them. And it seems whenever you just begin to get that, they leave. For one reason or another. I can only hope that someday soon you'll find someone who will return the feelings and stay. There's a person out there who's right for you...and searching for you too. Waiting for it is the hard part. I guess that's why people say to focus on yourself, do things for yourself until that day comes... because if there's one thing I've learned about love, it sneaks up on you when you least expect it, and usually when you're not searching for it.

I know I'm getting deep, but it seems like you maybe needed that more than "your poem is great." (Which it is. ) The time will come when the search will end and you'll finally have a peace in your heart. Until then, make the best of it I suppose. lol, don't mind me, I don't really know what to say in that respect...all I know is love found me when I least expected it...when all I was trying to do was work on myself. But it is nice when you have that peace in your heart. That's why I wish that for you.

Babbling. Shutting up now.

~Gabber

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabber:
...all I know is love found me when I least expected it...when all I was trying to do was work on myself.

---

I can totally relate to that. I found someone when I was doing the exact same thing. My current theory is that if you work on yourself or pursue what you really desire, what your soul is telling you to do, there is a very good possibility you might find your soulmate. I don't know, maybe that's kind of out there, but it's my current theory.

Anyway, this is a great discussion. I'm dealing with a very big and kind of recent (3.5 mos) breakup, and reading this discussion is actually helping me some.

Not bad. Thought about everyone's responses and I have to say word to what zoom said. Time is irrelevant. Nothing changes except you.

As for your usual defenses not working, I offer this. A close friend and I were having a discussion long ago about the way each of us processes things. I am a very logical person, and she was/is a very emotional one. She feels and thinks with her heart, which is something you seem to do alot also. I asked how she could do this, that it seemed like she never took enough time to think things through.

She said this to me: "My head is there for equations and remembering directions, etc. My heart is there to feel and love and do everything else. I simply process things as best as I can with my heart and 'in time', my head works and figures everything else out."

My point, maybe enough 'time' hasn't exactly passed, your heart has processed certain things but not everything else has caught up. Dunno, just my $.05.

I still stand firmly on the whole 'you change, time does nothing' side. Look at you and I for example. A long time ago, we were pals, then I changed, it wasn't time passing, it was me changing, and not entirely for the better. More 'time' may have passed, but it's irrelevant because the only thing that's changed is me, again. Time had nothing to do with things changing the first time and it doesn't now. People change. Passage of minutes, hours, days, months, years does nothing. S'why some people never stop mourning loved ones lost, it's all internal and personal.

Anyone who says 'just give it time', s'bullshit. But that's just my take on it. And I think this is the longest response I've typed to anyone in a long time. Not that I wanna pick out curtains together or anything.

I love this poem. I like the title too, although technically time didn't do nothing- it brought you this poem, right?

quote:

---

A reflection of your dancer limbs
Dormant over the arms
Of a second hand recliner—
Made there way through my
Tight-latticed screen
Laid out to strain compliments

---

I think you are so blessed to have a memory of such a clear feeling. Of course you are processing it emotionally, making it fit who you are and not who you were.

I have another comment too. IMO There will come a time when the energy you spend on this will leave you, and that will create a void, and that will allow something new to come in- but not until you let got of this- when you are ready to.

Gabber

You may or may not have a hold on who it is. if curiousity is killing you, or merely itching you, just venture a guess and i will tell you if you are right. and i'll tell you if you are wrong.

It depends on how technical we get on the whole concept of time. "Time" does nothing. We are the actors moving within the realm of the spanse from here and later we call time or hours. But in the same respect, the effect of that spanse has serious consequences. If too much time has passed, like a year, one will be more hesitant of the space that also came entangled in the time. What have you been doing since i last saw you? Has it been enough time for you to have forgotten me? Have i glossed over the problems that were so evident when you were present with the passing of time? Where are you now? So "time" has no action, but it severly influences our interactions, it allows for moving towns but it also allows for moving on. It seems "time does nothing" is more a clash of grammar. Like "space does nothing" actual true space doesn't DO anything. We have the ability as living beings to change space, 6 inches apart vs. 600 miles apart, we have the ability to meddle with the affects of time, 1 day with out conversation vs. a year. time didn't change you wanting to see your friend. it just allowed for the often slow process of your blood to cool. You can fast forward that occurence if you sit down and take all the thouths into account you would have over the year. If you focus on the problem--lets say a friend-- and envision seeing them now 2 inches from your face, and let your head go through all the "if's" "and's" "but's" etc. and work through those in a crash like course--THEN time wouldn't have any role to play. make sense?

Okay. Now, about this icky thing called love. I want you all to think about the one person in your family that doesn't have a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, wife, significant other--whatever. the one crazy person in your life that is old and single. I don't mean like 30 or 40.. i mean 80 or 90. When they die alone, we can safely say they didn't find the love of their life. and i bet the whole time, they were told "you will find your special someone, don't worry". let's rewind 60 years. and that person is 20 and tells you "i'm probably going to die without finding the love of my life", the knee jerk reaction is to say -- be patient you will find, don't look and you will find, or don't worry it will find you, or when you least expect it, etc. and i know it's an attempt to make someone feel better about bieng alone. but what if? what if they spend the rest of their lives hoping, and the hope never resolves? they say that captives in war--the ones who are realistic last the longest and the ones who are overly optimistic lose their minds. it's like running. if you keep thinking the end of the race is around the corner and you are sprinting, then you are going to crash and burn before the person who believes the end is miles away and is conservatively keeping pace. i wish i was a runner.

i am focused on myself. i'm so self centered. no, but seriously, i do try to do what's best for me because in the end, that's all i have left. i'm not searching for love. it would be too desperate. and often i get told that i'm not tring hard enough, and when i'm not getting told i'm not trying hard enough, i'm getting told i'm trying too hard. meanwhile, i'm just trying to get to the scrolls. ha. i know waiting is the hard part. i'm the wait-er, remember? it just gets harder and harder. i come from a long line of single women, and you think--well what are you doing here if they are so single? they're all single now divorced or never married aunts, mothers, cousins. my great aunt who is 93 is single, never married, no kids, another relative of mine is 35 never involved and single as can be. i'm surrounded my single, independent, strong hard-working women. it's like we're cursed! the only aunt that IS married is married to an a-hole. but, i do have ONE cousin who IS married happily. ONE. my chances are the same as winning the lottery.

i've written too much. i dont' have the patience to re-read for clarity! sorry to have gone on and on and on and on. but one good response deserves another... rambler.

yes. love will find me. in the meantime. i must write sketchy poetry. uh. yeah.

mons

mons,

Wow...okay, I wasn't expecting that huge of a reply, let alone that deep and intense of one. Okay, lemme get prepared here for my reply... *pops a cold lozenge into her mouth and continues*

Okay... does the person's name start with a R?

Y'know... for the record, I stand corrected. A couple of you have given good arguments as for why time does "nothing" perse and how its the person who does it all. I think when I made my point I was only coming from the viewpoint of love, while if I mixed in many other situations and events I would tend to say yes, time does nothing, you do. I'm living proof of that. For a year, time didn't make me an angry, bitter woman who only hurt the people she loved...I did, I made that choice. In the same light, for the last 9 months, time hasn't developed better qualities in me to the point that I feel like a new woman...time hasn't done that. I have. God has. I made the choice to stop being the angry, bitter woman I was. Not like it was just a lightswitch effect either. I think time aids change. Just because I said I was going to be a better person didn't mean it happened right then and there. It took time, it took hard work to get to where I am today, and it's going to take even more time and hard work to get to where I want to be. Time works hand in hand with your choices. It's an intertwined kind of effort. I don't think myself or time itself is the answer...I think it's both.

You bring up an interesting point about love. Honestly, it's hard for me to think of someone who's single in my family. There's my cousin but he's only 35... That's it though. I do have a small family though compared to some. ... Okay, here's the thing. I think it's all about being open to it. Take my cousin for example, he believes that he will never be married or settle down because he doesn't make enough money to support a family. So he never tries to develop relationships with girls, even when an opportunity is there for him to do so. That's the problem... when people push away their opportunities or fail to acknowledge them. Some people choose to be single. They like to be alone. They are fine with the companionship they find in friends and family and that's it, they don't need a love. And that's fine, some people are like that. But others want that companionship...the difference is some keep themselves open to it and explore the opportunities presented to them, and some look at the opportunity and turn the other way due to fear or some other reason.

I dunno, maybe this is my optimistic nature coming through (which hey, another sign that I've changed in the last 9 months, I'd stopped being optimistic before that)... but I believe that those who want a loving relationship and keep themselves open to it will find one in time. And I also believe that if you don't keep yourselves open to it, it just may pass you by. That's why I tend to encourage you, because I think you do keep yourself open for the most part. Although, lol, I can see why you'd be hesitant with your family's track record!

Like you said though, what's important is that you focus on yourself and try to do what's best for you. That's all you can do, all any of us can really do actually. When things are out of our control or out of our hands, the best we can do is focus on what we CAN control...and that's mainly ourselves. *has to smile* And I understand the waiting concept. I'm a wait-er as well, most of my life has shown that. I believe in the benefits of waiting... but the question that constantly is on my mind is...when do we stop waiting and take initiative? When is it time to act? How do we know? I keep (heh) waiting for an answer on this one...because I'd really like to know. And I'm sure you would too.

*laughs* And look what you did, you made me write too much. And thanks... you got a rambler back.

~Gabber

SARA

Well, I was out picking curtains and just thought i'd say your friend is well spoken. it's true. i think the head is there to stop the heart from doing all the desperate stupid things it wants to do like stopping you from casin' your x's joint, or eating an entire gallon of ice cream at one sitting, or giving up. sometimes i think the head is what holds hope, not the heart. is that possible? i guess my heart does pull me around. But sometimes it just seems as though my head is just as strong and it gets pissed off that the heart is being so damned stagnant. it's like a bipolar fight. "get over it" the head yells "but i love it" the heart yells back...

well, its not as bad as when it started, so the effects are wearing off. and i think just writing about it and satiating the point will disperse all these ... feelings. :P

i think "give it time" is loosely translated "i don't have any good advice but this ought to shut you up for a bit and make me sound concerned enough yet off the hook for a real helpful answer." i'm bitter sometimes.

thaks for reading and taking the time to respond!

now back to my curtain picking.

NANZAR

i'm glad you loved the poem nanz! that really makes me feel good and you picked my FAVORITE part. always nice when someone does that. i think i could have taken more time and really captured it second for second, but i was in a hurry i guess. but that part.... that was all guilty pleasure.

blessed/cursed, potato/poh-tah-toh. one day i will decide which it is. make it fit who i am and not who i was..... 'splain.

i don't know. you say void... and i think round hole and the new something as a square peg. i don't think voids are ever filled. they're like a pok mark. just ugly, there, and a reminder. let go of this? but i love the torture ooooh so much! it's like loving ice cream but hating the fat on my thighs. i want to never love it again... but it's ooooh so good.

Thanks for reading. And thanks for your input/advice/nickles. i really appreciated it.

mons

quote:

---

Well, I was out picking curtains

---

Just remember, I hate pink..and red. And yellow...and orange. I don't like things with color and god, if you value your life, you won't pick out gingham. Fastest way to end our curtain picking days is to pick gingham...especially checked gingham.

And yes, my friend is wise, s'why I had to stop being friends with her. Can't have someone smarter than me around, now can I? For my trouble, I got her reincarnation two times over. Now I get assailed by 'wisdom' from two different sides. Lucky me.

quote:

---

i'm bitter sometimes.

---

You say that like it's a bad thing...I'm bitter all the time. Chicks dig it.

Again, if I see pink or gingham, it's over.

i was there, taken in by this beautiful imagery--very well done, the last verse was my favorite:

Made me feel beautiful
And I could love past the smoke
And understand past the French
Long enough to fall
Madly for you.

Beautiful, mons. Thank you for sharing it!

I say "Ooo la la!"

and i say merci beaucoup!



mons