Hey everyone. I've done it. I've begun writing a new story...and I have returned to my roots. I used to always write young adult novels back in high school -- whether they were thrillers, romance, or just plain traumatic type of novels. I haven't tried to write one in the last 6 years, because well, I'd "grown up" so why should I? However, I began reading a few young adult novels recently and got hooked. Remembered just how much I love them. But more importantly, I got hooked on some lesbian/coming out ones. I realized I wanted to write my own story. This story will prolly end up being some kind of tribute to "Keeping You a Secret" by Julie Ann Peters because that book just rocks my world. I even bought it to have for keeps 'cause I loved it so much.

And so this...this is my journey back into novel writing. I'm excited about this story...and proud of the fact that I'm writing it, because this will be the most personal one I've written yet.

Below is the first chapter... I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading it, because yeah, I know keeping the patience reading story-format is difficult. Thanks though for the interest.

~Keri
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Falling and Rising
Chapter 1


I laughed in my carefree way. I was finding a certain comfort in the moments following the end of my first day of school. Every sane girl would enjoy the end of school, but for me, it was being able to sit down and lean against the wall knowing that no one would bother me. This was the joy of getting out a period earlier than everyone else. Ah yes, I could get used to this. Being a senior was niiiice.

I could leave, drive home, go do anything my little heart desired, but for some reason I found pleasure in knowing that I was free while everyone else was still locked up listening to some teacher babble on about 19th century battles. History was never my favorite subject, and somehow I’d gotten out of taking the class this year. Maybe that’s why I stuck around, that simple pleasure... but there was something else. A feeling that I should. I can’t quite place it.

I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes, sighing softly. I soaked in the quiet.

Until the quiet was interrupted by a voice singing and the strumming of a guitar being carried across the wind. I opened my eyes and looked around, pushing my black, shoulder-length hair out of my face, and wondered where it was coming from.

I didn’t see anyone, but it was beautiful. Where was it coming from? Grumbling a bit, I got up from my comfy spot on the grass and began to steadily walk around the corner toward the music. As I rounded one more corner, my piercing blue eyes fell on the origin.

I stopped in my tracks. A girl sat leaning against the wall, guitar in hand, strumming softly as she sang along... a sad tune... but she had such a beautiful voice. Haunting almost. Her eyes were closed and her light brown hair fell softly around her face – the sun highlighting the red tones mixed in. Something about her tugged at my heart – was it her song? Was it her voice? All I knew was I didn’t want to see her forehead wrinkled in hurt. What? Why? What do I care?

As I contemplated my odd reaction to her song, she suddenly stopped and her eyes shot open. They looked my way automatically – they were a lovely shade of green and they had caught me.

I coughed a little bit, “Sorry, I just was sitting over there and heard you. Um, that was a beautiful song.”

Her green eyes looked me over, studied me. Why was she studying me? A little smile cricked up her face, and she rested her guitar gingerly beside her on the sidewalk. “Thanks. I thought I was alone out here.”

I shifted uneasily on my feet and gestured back toward where I’d come from, “Yeah, sorry, I was sitting over there. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I’ll just leave you alone, sorry.” I began to turn to leave, feeling stupid, when she spoke up.

“Did I say I wanted you to leave?”

I paused, kinda unsure and out of my element. She intrigued me. I turned back around to find that she had stood up from off the ground, and her shoulder was leaning into the wall. I got a real look at her – she looked good with the way her blue jeans hugged her ass, and yet she wore a baggy, purple t-shirt that said Screw Authority. I had to grin a bit – she wasn’t going to make any teachers happy with that one. And why she wore such a baggy shirt, I do not know – it really wasn’t showing off her full breasts too well. Huh...she liked showing off her ass but eyes off the breasts. Walking contradiction. I kinda liked that.

I suddenly noticed I’d been staring and she was staring right back at me, waiting. I blushed slightly as I remembered she’d asked me a question. “Um, no, you didn’t. But I just thought you might like some privacy.”

She shrugged slightly, “It can get a little lonely.” She looked me over once again and then gave me a warm smile, “I was cursed with the name Bree Crystal. What about you?”

I had to laugh, “What are you talking about? Bree’s a pretty name.”

Bree grinned and shrugged a bit, “If you say so.” She waited expectedly.

I woke up. “Oh! Sorry...” I laughed a little nervously. Why was I nervous? I’m usually so collected. “My name’s Kendra Lachen, and unlike you, I kinda like it.”

She smiled that crooked little smile again that rose half up her full lips, “I do too.”

I couldn’t help but smile, and noticed I wasn’t saying anything as she continued to smile at me with a smile that made me uneasy, but in a good way. Shit. Talk, Kendra, stop staring at her and open that big mouth of yours. “So uh, why aren’t you in class?”

Bree shrugged again, “Probably for the same reason you aren’t. I don’t have a seventh period. I wasn’t really into the idea of baking cookies or grading some teacher’s papers, so getting out of school early sounded good to me. Besides, it’s their job, shouldn’t they have to grade their own papers just like I have to write my own papers?”

I grinned, my eyes sparkling a bit. “I’d expect no less from a chick who has a Screw Authority t-shirt on for the first day of school.”

She glanced down at her shirt and a slow grin spread on her face. She shifted her shoulder a bit against the wall, “Hey, I could have worn my Screw Me t-shirt.”

I blinked. “You have a Screw Me t-shirt?”

Bree’s grin grew a bit wider and her left eyebrow raised ever so slightly. “Maybe someday you can find out for yourself.”

I blinked again and felt my face turning a fiery red. Was she flirting with me? Was that a... no, I’ve got to be imagining things.

At that very moment the bell rang for the end of seventh period, and students began to file eagerly out of the classrooms next to us. More like a bumrush, to be honest. I glanced around at the students and then looked back over at Bree. I felt my stomach do a mini flip as I noticed she was still looking at me. Studying me once again. Do I have toilet paper hanging out of my ass or something? I glanced down just to be sure.

“Hey babe!” I felt an arm slide around my waist and pull me in as lips were planted on mine.

Caught offguard, my lips didn’t quite return the kiss and I pulled slightly away but not too far away. I smiled awkwardly up at my boyfriend, Tyler Hamilton. His goofy grin smiled right back down at me and his pale blue eyes gazed at me playfully. He leaned down again to say in my ear, “I’ve been waiting all day to get you alone, let’s go.”

I felt my blush grow even worse than it already was and I coughed loudly. I pulled back, playing with my thick hair, and glanced over to where Bree was. She was now standing up straight and kinda looking off, a blank expression on her face. Dammit, Tyler has bad timing sometimes. As I glanced back at Tyler, I realized so do I because his eyes showed a bit of hurt at my pulling away.

I sighed softly and lightly brushed his blonde locks out of his eyes, “Sorry honey, it’s just people are around.” I motioned around me to all the students, although my eyes more fell on Bree as I saw her placing her guitar back into her case with the same blank expression.

Tyler didn’t notice. His lanky body bounced a little bit, his loose jeans almost falling off his hips, and he got that goofy grin on his face once again, “It’s okay, babe. I don’t have basketball practice yet, so I just want to spend all the time I can with you.” He was the star basketball player at Edmington High and had been for a couple of years. Even as a sophomore, he shined over many of the seniors. Now as a senior, I was sure he was only going to shine all the more. That was the nice thing – being able to watch him grow in his position over the years. We’d been a couple for almost two years, and while some of the excitement had worn off, it was always nice to see his smiling face at the end of the day. I mean, who could resist that goofy smile? I sure couldn’t.

“Do you need to stop at your locker before we go?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No, I have all the books I need in my backpack around the corner.”

His forehead wrinkled a bit as he glanced around, “Why don’t you have it on you?”

I glanced over at Bree flipping the latches closed on her case and taking the handle into her hand as she stood back up. I shook my head, “No reason, was just walking around.”

Tyler shrugged a bit. “All right, well let’s get going. I don’t want to be in his place one minute longer than I have to. Why, oh why, did summer have to end?”

I laughed a bit, “Because the fates hate you?”

“I knew there was a reason,” he grinned. He wrapped his arm around my waist and began to steer me in the direction of the parking lot. “C’mon.”

I let him do so, but not before glancing back at Bree over my shoulder. I didn’t get to say good-bye; I didn’t like that. Maybe she didn’t either, because now her eyes were once again on me. They looked a little confused, but then decided on twinkling a bit. She grinned a little at me, and then turned to begin walking the other way.

I couldn’t help it. Her jeans were screaming “Look at my ass!” after all. My eyes fell on her ass swaying as she walked away, guitar case in hand. I blinked. Many times. Is that a...? Yes, it was. A rainbow was sewed into the left pocket of her jeans.

Realization dawned on me. Ohhh... she was gay. That explains the t-shirt comment. I felt like I should look away given this new information, and yet, I couldn’t help but look at her body sway one last time before she rounded the corner and out of sight. But hopefully, not for long.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Gabber,

Hey Keri this is AWESOME! Thank you for posting this gem, truly!
And i must apologize for my lateness, rotfl, you prolly noticed i have been rather caught up in the race hehe. But i was scanning FF&P and noticed your reply to my last reply so i looked and found this. It's definitely a gem. I think this is your niche!
I've read some young adult books that are so trite and kind of boring, nondescript in a way. THis is not. The charactars are real, and they hold your interest all the way through. I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep it up, thanks again for posting it.

Kate,

Thanks for replying sweetie. Truth be told, I'm a little more insecure with the novel writing than the poetry, so means a lot. *has to laugh* Yes, I did notice that you've been caught up in the race, as have most people. I don't mind one bit, it's just nice to hear from you.

But thank you, really...means a lot. I do think this is indeed my niche -- always was, I shouldn't be so surprised by how I've been able to fall right back into it. All I needed was something to be passionate about, to write about. And exactly! I hate how some young adult novels are like that. One of the stupidest things adults do today is talk to teenagers like they're 6. They're much wiser and up with the real world than most people realize, and I think they deserve to be treated just like I'm talking to a friend...so that's how I write. Like I normally would. *grins a bit* Plus, this time around I'm speaking like they speak. I know I'm the oddball outta the bunch when it comes to language, just kinda second nature by this point, and that's why I wanted to be sure and incorporate that aspect. lol, truth be told, it's getting me in touch with a side of myself that's been repressed and I find myself cussing more, it's kinda funny actually. Unless I'm around my mother, then it's not. *cough*

Thanks again, sweetie. I actually just finished chapter 2 last night...did some revising tonight, and am about to put it up. I'm just gonna continue it on this thread.

~Keri

Falling and Rising
Chapter 2


“I must say, it’s nice to have one teacher I know and love amongst all the new ones. I think I’d go crazy if it weren’t for the fact that sixth period, I get to walk into Mrs. Schwartz’s class and express myself through drama. It’s like a release at the end of a long, stupid day,” I babbled as my head rested in Tyler’s lap. He was sitting up with his back against the headboard of his bed, twirling my hair in his fingertips. After two years, he’d gotten used to my babble sessions. It was like I would suddenly switch into babble mode whenever we entered his bedroom and refused to cease and desist. Sometimes I wondered if he even listened...

“Drama’s your niche. Well, at least dancing is, but drama is good too,” he said absentmindedly as he continued to twirl my hair.

I glanced up at him and saw that his eyes were not on my hair, or my face for that matter. They were resting on my breasts. Okay, they were more like oogling my breasts. Suddenly, I felt very self-conscious. Sure, he’s my boyfriend, but damn, I’m talking here. Can’t you at least pay attention to my words instead of my body for awhile?

I frowned as I watched him. “Tyler, are you even listening?”

Finally, his eyes found mine as if he’d been snapped out of a dream rather rudely. “Huh? Of course I am. Drama good. Mrs. Schwartz good. Everything else bad. I’m following.”

That was one of the things I found annoying about my babble sessions with him. He had this uncanny ability to be able to remember details of a conversation without having to do any real active listening. It was his way of getting out of the fact that he truly wasn’t listening to me. I swear, sometimes I loved this boy, but sometimes...I don’t know, I don’t let my mind go there much.

He got one of his goofy grins on his face and pulled my upper body in closer against him. “Y’know...we could do a bit of acting on our own.”

I raised my eyebrow at him, still not impressed, although I let him pull me into him. “We could, huh?”

Nodding, he continued to grin and his eyes wandered once again from my face, “Uh huh... you could be the queen, and I could be your willing slave, able and ready to serve your every whim.” I felt his hand move from around my waist and begin to go under my light blue tank top.

I sighed. Part of me really did hate it when he did this. Why couldn’t we just talk? Why did it always have to be about sex? “Tyler...”

His eyes looked up dreamily as his fingertips ran underneath my bra. “Yeah, babe?”

It dawned on me that he had no clue how I felt about this, and with that dreamy expression, how could I tell him otherwise? I shook my head slightly, “Nothing, sweetie. It sounds great. It all sounds great.”


* * *


“You’re late.”

I cringed a bit as I saw my older brother’s disapproving look, his jaw bone set in a tense line. I hurried in and the fact that I was a bit frazzled must have showed with the way I didn’t quite know where I was going. I turned back around to head toward the table where I usually set my purse for the day. “I’m sorry, Phillip. I got...caught up in something.”

His hazel eyes did a once over of me although they lingered on my hair, which was currently a frizzy mess because I didn’t have time to take care of it before bolting out of Tyler’s house. I had to get to work as quickly as possible – I’d already been late too many times. “Yeah, I think I know what you were caught up in.”

I felt my cheeks begin to burn as I placed my purse down. I tried to avoid his eyes.

“You were careful, right?” Phillip’s tone was awkward but firm.

I spun around in shock and embarrassment. “God! This is not a conversation I am going to be having with my brother, so can we please just get to work? I’m late, I’m sorry, I’ll try not to be again. Now let’s develop the damn film.” I pushed my hair back into a scrunchie and turned away so he couldn’t see my cheeks getting even redder. I knew I’d snapped at him unreasonably, but at that precise moment, I couldn’t care less.

After a moment, I heard the door close and I knew Phillip had gone into the other room. Sighing, I turned around to an empty room. I really need to get ahold of my temper sometimes.

I think everything with Tyler put me on edge. Yes, of course we were careful, but I must admit, I’d like it better if we just didn’t have sex at all. God, am I a horrible girlfriend for saying that? I just...don’t want to feel like an object anymore, that’s all.

Sighing once more, I pulled the film out and sorted through it to get it ready for developing. My brother opened this photography company a year or so ago, and had asked me to come onto the staff and help out. I was thrilled to be able to, because I’d always had a passion for taking pictures just like he had. Granted, at the moment, we were doing things like weddings, but it was nice when we had the occasional odd job and got to expand our skills. I was hired on as one of his assistants, and while it was wonderful working with him, it was also nerve-racking.

I always hoped he never got back to my parents about my lateness or disheveled hair. One can only imagine what would happen then. They had such high expectations of me.

“Hey, sis?”

I looked up, surprised. Usually Phillip would leave me alone after one of my outbursts. I could see his shy expression under his long black bangs; they covered his eyes, but they still found a way to peer through. “Yes?”

“How about some Billy Idol?” A shy smile rose on his face because he knew that was my feel-good music.

I laughed – I couldn’t help it. I waved a long, slender finger at him. “You just want to get me dancing like a fool in front of the customers, don’t you?”

“Hey, I’ll be dancing too! Rock the cradle of love, rock the cradle of love,” he sang in his best impersonation of Billy Idol and began to dance his way over to me. Clumsily. But danced nonetheless.

The laughter wouldn’t stop as I watched, and finally I wrapped my brother in a hug, my head against his chest since he was so much taller than me. “I love you, bro, you know that? I’m sorry for snapping at you. My day was getting worse and worse, but you just made it good again.”

Phillip patted my back in that brotherly “I love you but I’m going to pretend I don’t” way. “You too, kiddo. You’re my dancing buddy after all.”

I grinned up at him as I pulled back and lightly patted his little beer belly. “Go crank it up. It’s time to dance.”

Without a second thought, he hurried over to the stereo system and popped in the CD. As “Cradle of Love” blared over the speakers, I felt myself get caught up in the music. I danced, I twirled, I threw my head around, and I got lost. Lost in the rhythm. Lost in the movement. Lost in my head. And it felt so good.


* * *


Could this day get any longer? I couldn’t wait to get to drama next period. Then I could begin to have some fun. But right now, ah yes, right now, I’m stuck in English. Good ol’ English. Always there for ya, never leaves. Like a best friend. Except for when it insisted upon good grammar, then it was the rock in my shoe. The thorn in my side. The--

My eyes fell on light brown-reddish hair walking in through the door and my inner monologue failed. She wasn’t in this class yesterday...was she?

Bree walked casually and confidently up to Mr. Whaltman’s desk and handed him a slip of paper. I realized she must be transferring in – it was only the second day after all. As I watched, I noticed him indicating for her to take a seat wherever she pleased. We hadn’t been assigned really to any specific order.

I glanced around me and felt very agitated by the fact that people had sat on both sides of me. I couldn’t wave her over to sit with me. Dammit. I looked back up in time to find her turning around and surveying the classroom, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder.

Green eyes fell on me, locked in on me. A slow smile.

And there went that stomach flip again – wow, those were intense. I couldn’t help but smile back at her kinda shyly. Being watched wasn’t so bad when she did it. I wondered why.

Bree began to move towards me and settled into a chair that was open to the left of me, one seat up. Close enough, I could handle that. “Hi Kendra,” she said softly, her eyes looking up from under her bangs as she pulled her notebook out of her backpack.

Another stomach mini-flip. The way she said...whew, nevermind. “Hey Bree.” I paused as I watched her open her notebook on her desk, looking for some kind of topic and then ventured lamely, “So...transferred in here, huh?” Oh, smooth, Lachen. Real smooth.

Her left eyebrow raised a bit as a little grin crept onto her face. She rested her elbow on her desk and her chin in her hand. “Mmm hmm. But that’s not what you really wanted to ask me, is it?”

Oh no, it’s the attack of the fire engine cheeks again. Shit! I coughed weakly. “Um, no, you transferred, that’s cool, right. English is good. Everyone needs a bit of English to learn anything. Right.” Oh God, someone stop me.

Bree’s grin got wider with each word, and finally she laughed a bit and held up her other hand to stop me. “Kendra, it’s okay, I’m just playing with you.” Her laugh was contagious; if I wasn’t blushing so hard, I would have joined her. I watched as her grin turned a bit suggestive. “Although that blush... I could get used to that blush.”

Did she have to say that?! Fire engine can’t describe the shade of red my cheeks were now. I went ahead and hid my face in my crossed arms on my desk, as I heard her chuckle in amusement. My muffled voice came out from under my arms, “Me and my blush are taking a 10, thanks.”

“That’s too bad. I’d really like to get better acquainted with her,” her playful tone was addictive. I would have come out of hiding if it weren’t for the fact that I didn’t want anybody else to see my cheeks.

When I still didn’t say anything or come out, she chuckled softly again and then said just as softly, “Maybe I’ll see you after sixth period again?”

I got a huge smile on my face, although my arms hid it. I poked a blue eye out and found her eyes twinkling once again as she watched me. “Maybe. If you can find me.”

I once again hid my face and I could sense a grin on her face as her soft voice spoke, “Of course I’ll find you... you can’t hide from me.”

I love it! Bree's straightforwardness is so refreshing! Damn, I feel like I'm already getting to know these people and it's only the second chapter.

(smiles) I know what ya mean. I love books that just talk about teenagers as they really are, not just some stuffy person's idea of them.
*grins*--I'm in the same boat with my fantasy novel. Finally I have something to be passionate about again. I'm pretty passionate about singing but writing is actually my first love. Maybe when I get it more together I'll post that on here as well hehe.

Anyway keep up the great work girl! I'm hooked now, lol. And happy new year to ya.

Kate,

Isn't it? That's what I want Bree to be...refreshing, inspiring, you name it. She's out there with no apologies, but still has a heart beating loud and true within her. I love writing Bree, it's refreshing simply writing her. And I'm very glad to hear that you feel like you already know the characters...that's something I pride myself on, making my characters feel very real to the reader, so that makes me happy.

Exactly, it's important to reach teenagers where they're at -- not where we think they're at. Like for instance, it shocked me when I watched some Oprah show that talked about how 13 year old girls are giving away oral sex and stuff like this. It was boggling to realize how much things have changed just in a few years since I was that age...as a writer, and a person, gotta keep up with this stuff.

If you wanna share your novel sometime, feel free to put it up here. I'd be happy to read it. And that's exactly it! Getting back to my first passion, writing. I love poetry, but there's something about story-form I can't put my finger on...it brings out a different part of me than poetry does. I like that.

*grins* I'm glad you're hooked, mwahahaha, that was my plan all along. Don't worry, I'll keep posting the chapters as I finish them. And happy new year to you too!

~Keri

i don't know what to say. I'm reading, and i'm eager to see where this goes and how it ends, then and only then will you hear my final call on this one.

waiting patiently.

mons

monsie,

I always meant to come in and say thanks for replying. I'm glad you're enjoying it...although you sneaky little thing...holding back opinions till its finished. Darn you, darn you all to heck! I'm so brutal, I know it, lol.

Thanks though, really. I'm about to post the new chapter...hope you like.

~Keri

Hey everyone. I've finally got the third chapter to this written... and possibly the longest chapter so far. I had more to say in this one, I think. I'd been meaning to write it for a couple of weeks now, but it just wasn't happening. The last few days though, it's fallen into place. Hope you enjoy, thanks for reading.

~Keri
==============


Chapter 3



“Now before the bell rings for the end of the period, I want to tell all of you about some exciting news. We are going to be presenting a musical this year!” Mrs. Schwartz’s enthusiasm grabbed hold of me and pulled me out of my Bree-entranced state of mind.

I looked up excitedly and asked without thinking of raising my hand, “Is there going to be dancing?”

A big smile played on the drama teacher’s face as she nodded, “Yes, Kendra. There will be dancing, and actually, I would like you to be the choreographer and head up the dance team.”

If I could have reasonably squealed like a pig at that moment without ruining my reputation, I would have done so. Instead I settled for bouncing a little bit in my seat which provoked giggles from my classmates nearby. “I would love to! This is so awesome!”

“I thought you would be pleased.” Mrs. Schwartz turned her attention to the rest of the class. “Now, who are my singers? Don’t be shy now. I know you’re all fine actors, but I want to know who can belt like Celine Dion.”

A groan from my friend, Parker, in front of me got a few laughs. His dark brown eyes looked up painfully, “Not Celine Dion. Please, God Almighty, anyone but Celine Dion.”

The blonde-haired teacher grinned and tapped his desk with her hand, since his desk was positioned right in front of her. “Point taken. Alright then, any Hillary Duffs out there?”

An even louder groan from half of the class made her look around quizzically and slightly huff in annoyance, “Who do you people listen to?”

Parker pushed his brown locks out of his tan face and grinned, “No one you want us imitating. We are individuals. Originals. Ready and willing and on the brink of stardom. Don’t contain us, please.”

Mrs. Schwartz laughed and shook her head. “I’m not going to pretend to understand you kids. But okay, will my original, individual, not wanting to be contained voices please raise their hands so I can mark down quickly who would be interested before the bell rings?”

My classmates grinned and about a third of the class raised their hands. At least some of them realized their voices weren’t good enough for a musical. Personally, my voice sounded like a foghorn in the shower let alone in daylight, so I wasn’t about to raise my hand. Leave the dancing to me and there would be no complaints.

Hmm. Bree has a beautiful voice, she’d be perfect for one of the lead roles. The thought crept into my mind before I could stop it. Geesh, woman, get ahold of yourself. You only went five minutes without thinking about her. New world record. Pathetic, Lachen. Just plain pathetic.

The bell brought me out of my self-chastising, and I began to place my books into my backpack.

“Okay class, we’ll talk more tomorrow about the musical and discuss audition dates. Have a great day!” Mrs. Schwartz dismissed us with a wave of her delicate hand and walked back to her desk.

When I raised my head from my backpack, I found Parker grinning down at me. “You must be really excited about the choreographer position. Dancing’s always been one of your biggest passions.”

I smiled happily and stood up, swinging my heavy backpack onto my shoulder. “I really am. I’ve been waiting for this for four years now, and just as I’m in my senior year, bam! Musical central. I do believe I’m in heaven. Or as close as I can get to it.”

A slightly evil glint danced in Parker’s eyes as he began to lead me out of the classroom, “I thought heaven would be reserved for your boyfriend.”

I almost stopped in my tracks and felt myself blink a couple of times before hurrying to fall back into step with Parker, as if nothing had happened. I waved my hand dismissively. “Other things are reserved for him; why give him heaven too?”

Parker smirked and pulled a piece of gum out of his pocket to pop into his mouth. “You’re right. The greedy bastard. He should take what he can get.”

I looked off and mumbled under my breath, “Oh believe me, he does.”

Parker glanced over in confusion, “What’d you say, Lachen? I couldn’t hear you.”

I turned my eyes back to my friend and smiled sweetly, “I said good luck with the audition, you’re going to need it.” I giggled a bit and hurried off before he could smack me on my upper arm – a trademark sign of affection from him, but damn if it didn’t hurt when he did it.

I could hear his laugh as I ran away, “I’ll get you, Lachen! Just you wait!” I laughed and waved back to him as I kept walking down the hall.

Oh thank God. Sixth period was over, school was over, and I could...well...I couldn’t look for Bree. That was too desperate. She’d said she’d find me afterall. Yes, that’s it, that’s what I’ll do. Go and sit and wait for her to find me. That sounded like a plan. Maybe just a little less pathetic than seeking her out, but a plan nonetheless.

I watched the students file into their classrooms as the final bell rang, and headed over to a nice, quiet spot near the back of the school. I liked this spot because it overlooked our school’s soccer field and track area. Even though no one was currently running around, it was just nice to be able to look down at the grassy field and get caught up in the sights and sounds of nature. It always refreshed me, and I never had enough time last year to embrace it. Maybe this would become my new spot at the end of the day. It had possibilities.

I sat down and leaned against the wall of the school. I drew my knees up against my chest while wrapping my arms around them before resting the back of my head against the wall. There wasn’t much else to do but look out at the field while waiting for Bree to find me. I wasn’t about to do any homework. That just seemed wrong on every level.

As I let my thoughts settle on the cool breeze that played against my face, I silently pondered my little fascination with Bree. Was I envious of her? Did I want to be like her? She was so confident and self-assured afterall – who wouldn’t want to be? That had to be it.

But then, why do I get those stupid stomach flips? Maybe I should check in with my doctor to make sure I don’t have acid reflux or something. That’d be just my luck. Just my luck that I was over-analyzing as usual when I had a health condition the whole time.

As the minutes passed by, I glanced at my watch. Twenty minutes had passed since I’d sat down. It shouldn’t have taken her that long to walk around the school to find me. I blinked and looked off as a thought entered my head... Maybe she didn’t want to find me afterall and was just playing with me. She did say she was playing with me just a moment before that – it was possible I’d taken it the wrong way.

Dammit, Kendra. Stop thinking already. Do what you came here to do – stare out at nature.

With a groan of frustration, I stood up and walked over to the edge of the hill that led down to the field. Wrapping my arms around myself, I looked out and felt myself growing peaceful once again. Within a few minutes, I was sitting down on the edge with my elbows on my knees and my chin resting in my hands.

I wish I had my camera with me. The way the clouds were lined up overhead would be a perfect shot.

I was so caught up in the image of floating through those clouds that I didn’t hear the footsteps behind me nor the person squatting down just a bit behind my back.

“I found you,” a soft voice spoke into my right ear.

I jumped in surprise and brought my hand up to my heart as I found playful green eyes near my shoulder. “Shit, you scared me. Don’t do that!” I turned slightly to push Bree’s squatted legs and watched as she laughed and fell to the ground beside me.

Her body landed so that her head rested near my legs. As she continued to laugh, she looked up at me with those still playful eyes, “You’re so adorable when you’re angry.”

I had to laugh even though I was still slightly annoyed by her surprise attack, “Yeah well, try that again and you won’t get off so easy next time.”

A suggestive grin played on Bree’s lips as she lifted herself up onto her elbows. “Who said I wanted to get off easy?”

“I, uh...” Dammit! The never-ending blush! “Well... I... um...”

Bree’s grin grew wider and she wiggled her eyebrows, “Welcome back, my blushing friend. Maybe now I’ll get a real chance to get to know you.”

A groan escaped my lips as I placed my arms on my bent knees and hid my face once again within them. However, to my surprise, Bree had sat up during this time and her gentle hands pulled my arms away. A few soft fingertips brought my chin up so that she could see my face again.

As I looked into her eyes, unable to hide my blush, I saw the soft smile on her lips. Her voice matched it, “You don’t have to hide from me. I like seeing the real you coming through, blush and all.”

I felt my heart melt, and the sensation unnerved me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt that movement within me. Not even with Tyler. What did it mean?

Bree hesitantly removed her fingertips from under my chin and sat back with a tender smile on her face. “Much better.”

A shy smile spread onto my lips and I lowered my head a little bit. I wasn’t used to being shy either. That was not like me. I was usually the sarcastic, outspoken girl that everyone laughed at. The girl that emerged around Bree though... she was shy. And in an odd way, I kind of liked it.

A comfortable silence stretched between us until Bree spoke up once again. “So tell me about the real you, Kendra. I want to know.”

I raised my head slightly and saw her gaze matching mine, eager eyes truly wanting to know. It was that gaze that allowed me to speak truths about myself that normally would take months to get out of me. She made me just want to be myself – mainly because she didn’t want me to put on a mask. That was obvious even to me.

I smiled as I leaned back onto my elbows, matching her own position. “Well... I love to dance. It’s one of the biggest parts of me. If I couldn’t dance, I don’t know what I would do. It’d be like my own mother dying – the grief would be unbearable. I guess... if you want to get to know the real me, you should watch me dance. Parts of myself I hide or try not to acknowledge, feelings, truths – they all come out at that time. Although I’m not sure if anyone’s ever really paid enough attention to notice that.”

I paused to look over at Bree and had to smile softly as I saw the wind blowing her hair in her face. The soft red tones came out more in the sunlight. I didn’t think it was possible for her to look any more striking, but in that light, she did. As the wind flicked those red tones about, she didn’t attempt to brush it away even though I was sure it must have been annoying her. No, her eyes were completely focused on me. They were not about to be distracted. I found a comfort in that gaze, and I continued.

“To be honest with you, Bree... sometimes I feel like people don’t try to get to know me. The real me. They don’t try to go deeper or explore my thoughts. They’re content with what I show them. The Kendra everyone comes to expect.” A laugh escaped my lips. “I mean, look at Tyler and I, I can’t talk to him like this! He’d just kiss me and make me shut up.” As soon as I said it, I stopped in alarm and realized what I’d just revealed. Dammit, I wasn’t going to be that honest with her. Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Immediately, I looked off toward the soccer field where students were now playing and kept my eyes focused there. I wasn’t about to speak now, me and my big mouth were shutting up. Enough Kendra time.

Quite a few minutes passed between us like that. Bree was not attempting to get me to talk to her. In a way, I appreciated that more than she would ever know.

Suddenly, the bell rang for the end of the day, which forced me to look back in alarm again. Shit. I didn’t mean to shut up the rest of the time. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to get to know her. This was not going well. I wouldn’t blame her if she just got up and left without another word.

I was surprised to realize her steady presence was still beside me as a minute or two passed. My hesitant, blue eyes looked her way and found her green ones studying me. Not scrutinizing. Just...studying...looking. I paused, feeling awkward all over again. I really was not used to this studying me thing. Let alone by a girl.

“Well, I... I guess we should go.” The lame words left my lips before I could stop them.

Bree didn’t speak for a moment as she continued to study me, and then said quietly, “Do you want to go, Kendra?”

No. “Yes.” I turned away before she could see the frightened look in my eyes. I had to leave, this was not right. These feelings weren’t right. I needed to go see Tyler, he was my boyfriend. I needed to go, even if I didn’t want to. Go. Yes, go. That sounded right.

I fumbled around to stand up and began walking back to the wall without another look at Bree. I knew I couldn’t handle whatever expression she had on her face. I was sure it said something like, “What a psycho” or “This girl’s not worth it.” I didn’t want to see that.

As I was about to lean over to pick my backpack up, I felt a cool hand on my arm. I jumped slightly at the way that one simple touch chilled me.

“Kendra...” The hand did not leave my arm. It waited patiently for me to turn around.

I tried to get ahold of myself and make sure my emotions weren’t displayed on my face as I turned around to look at her. “Yes?”

Concern. That’s all that was on Bree’s face afterall. Not disgust. Not disappointment. Not rejection. Concern. “Are you okay?”

I swallowed hard and nodded, “I’m fine. See you tomorrow?”

The cool hand released my arm finally and Bree took a slight step backwards, putting some distance between us. After an awkward moment, she nodded her head, “Tomorrow.”

I nodded again and turned back around to pick up my backpack. I swung it onto my shoulder and began to walk away. I thought I was about to get away, until I heard her voice once again.

“Kendra?” It was quiet.

I stopped and took another deep breath before looking over my shoulder at her. “Yes, Bree?”

I think it was the first time I’d seen Bree unsure. Unconfident in herself. She shuffled on her feet and played with a ring on her finger. “I meant it, y’know. You... you don’t have to hide from me. You don’t... you don’t have to run away from me. I... I like what I see. You.”

If I hadn’t been so terrified, I think my resolve would have melted right there and then and I would have thrown all caution to the wind that continued to blow red strands into her concerned face.

But I was terrified. “Thanks. I’ll remember that.”

With that, I turned and walked away and Bree didn’t stop me this time. I kept walking and walking and walking... and pretended like I was okay. Like I would be okay. Like this was what I wanted. To head to my car. To go home. To go to Tyler. To go to work. To go back to the routine I’d grown accustomed to all these years. To go to anything but this.

I walked briskly... and pretended like Bree hadn’t just set my heart on fire.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Gabber,

Wow that's powerful. It's such a huge thing, at that age! Realizing you're gay...you capture the struggle, the horror--not necessarily of her realization that she feels more real with Bree than anyone else, but the fact that she really has not been herself, ever(except when dancing). Her routine, however comfortable, is not real. THat can be a harsh realization at that age, well at any age really...but wow. Really good work, Keri. I can't wait to see the next chapter!

Kate,

Y'know...this is what I love about feedback. It makes me see my OWN writing in a whole new way, because of what you (in general) saw or got from it. I love feedback.

Because that's what happened here...what you got from it -- I hadn't even thought of. But as I read back on it, I see that...that struggle is more than just her feelings over Bree. It really is a struggle over her whole sense of self -- the fact that the world she's made for herself is a sham...but in being terrified, she'll go back to that sham instead of exploring something real for herself. Interesting, very interesting. Thanks, I think this is going to help me write the next chapter -- having this in mind. I may just steer it a different way than I had planned in my head because of your observations.

And just thank you, overall...I'm really glad you're enjoying it. I love writing this, I really do. And I was really kinda proud of this last chapter...the depth of emotion at the end. So it means a lot. I hope to write the next one soon -- I've been in the mood to write lately (story or poems -- I have ideas floating around in my head)...so hopefully I will indeed get to it soon. LOL, I'm just as eager to find out what happens in the next chapter as you are.

~Keri

That's awesome Keri. i can't wait!
This is actually inspiring me to do something of my own...well a Harry Potter thing really, that I started awhile ago, but after reading this chapter I got inspired again so I wrote the next chapter hehe. Thanks, actually, for getting me back into it. I'd been writing the race so long, it's about time I wrote some other things again!
Look forward to chapter 4!

Hey everyone, got the fourth chapter for ya. I thought my best friend and I were supposed to talk today, but apparently I was wrong...lol, so because I was waiting around, and couldn't take a nap...I opened up F&R and started writing that fourth chapter I've been talking about. I hope I did it justice...I am kinda sleepy and my brain is kinda mushy (ask Nora, she witnessed the mayhem). Needless to say, all my mental energy went to the story. Hope you guys enjoy...thanks for reading again.

~Gabber
============


Chapter 4


I entered Tyler’s room in haste and began to walk over to where he was on the bed, Math Analysis homework sprawled all around him. His confused expression over a certain problem left him as his eyes saw my form walk in. “Hey! I didn’t expect to see you since I never found you after school.”

“Screw school, screw homework, screw it all.” As I arrived next to him, I took his Math Analysis book and threw it to the floor before throwing his homework across the room. Now his expression matched one of shock as I climbed on top of him and straddled his legs.

With a dumbfounded expression, Tyler pointed off toward his homework against the wall, “I-- I was working on that.”

I grinned as I began to unbutton his shirt, leaving a little nip on his neck with my teeth. “I bet you’d rather be working on me.”

A nervous laugh escaped his lips, “Well, of course I would, you know that.”

I finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, “Then prove it.” Quite quickly, I pulled my baby blue shirt up and over my head and threw it to the floor next to his math book.

Tyler’s light blue eyes widened as he took in the picture in front of him, and I noticed how he couldn’t help himself as he reached out to slide an arm around and up my back. “You are stunning, Kendra.”

I closed my eyes at his words. It really would help if he just simply wouldn’t talk. I didn’t want him to talk. Just f**k me already. Just like you always try to anyway. I opened my eyes and looked at him, “Tyler...no more words. No talking. Just kiss me.”

His eyes met mine in slight puzzlement, but he leaned into me to wrap me up in his arms and kiss me. As my hand started to reach down to other places, he pulled back and stopped me.

Surprised, I looked up at him with my bright blue eyes. I couldn’t recall a time he’d ever turned down sex. I also couldn’t recall a time I’d seen him look as uncomfortable as he did at that moment. “What?”

His strong hands took one of mine and he brought it up to kiss it before squeezing it. Then his hesitant eyes found mine again, “Are you okay?”

I scoffed. “Shit. Why is everyone asking me that today?”

His eyes twinkled a little bit as a little goofy grin spread onto his face, “Well, at least everyone hasn’t had you in a compromising position like this when asking. At least, I sure hope not.”

I had to laugh a little bit and shook my head. “No, they certainly haven’t.” She might as well have though with the way she looked right into me, but that was beside the point.

Tyler squeezed my hand once again. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

I couldn’t help but look at him incredulously, “Now you want me to talk to you? You hardly ever listen to me, why should I talk to you?”

It was like I had slapped him across the face from the expression I received. His hands slowly dropped mine and he leaned back against his headstand, anger entering his eyes. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

I looked off quickly. Shit. I really was revealing a bit too much today. That needed to stop, now. “Nothing. It meant nothing.” I motioned at us, “So are we not going to do this or something? ‘Cause if not, I’d prefer to get my shirt back on and stop being cold, thanks.”

Tyler blinked quite a few times and then shook his head ever so slightly. “I don’t think we should, no. Something’s going on with you, and the last thing I want to do is take advantage of that.”

I blinked as well. Where the hell was this coming from? That wasn’t the case every other time when I’d be half-hearted about sex. Now I’m trying to initiate sex, and he doesn’t want any part of it? What the hell? This conversation was really beginning to weird me out.

I shook my head and swung my leg to get up off of him. I walked over to pick up my shirt and pulled it back on over my head. So as not to look like an ass, I tossed him his shirt as well, which he began to put on.

He spoke up with a quiet voice, “You feel like I don’t listen to you?”

I sighed and closed my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “Tyler...can we not do this now?”

“I just don’t understand where all of this is coming from. First, you’re hot, and then you’re cold. What’s going on?”

I opened my eyes and smirked, feeling my mask being pulled on. Sarcastic girl in place. “I told you, I needed to put my shirt back on. You keep it frigid in here.”

My sarcasm was not lost on him, although he gave me a look nonetheless. “I’m trying to talk to you, Kendra. I’m trying to listen. I’m just...trying. Can you at least give me an inch here?”

I shifted my weight on my feet and paused. He was trying, I’d give him that. I just didn’t know if I wanted him to try anymore. It didn’t feel right talking to him about this. Man, I really must be screwed up... him talking to me was what I’d been wanting for months – now I didn’t want it anymore? What was wrong with me?

He didn’t seem to like my silence as I mulled things over. “Ken?”

My eyes flickered onto him and I paused before sighing a little bit. “Tyler, I’m sorry...really. I’m being a little shit and I know it. This isn’t fair to you, any of this.” I looked off toward the window, looking at the sun beginning to set on the horizon. “I don’t know, maybe I just need some time to think things over.”

“Think what over?” he asked, a hint of desperation in his voice. “Us?”

I sighed again, returning my attention to him. “I don’t know. No. Yes. Maybe? I just...my head’s a little screwed right now and I need air. Air from you, from everyone. Can you please give that to me so I don’t hurt you anymore than I already have?”

Tyler seemed to be thinking this over and then nodded his head firmly, “I can give that to you. It’s the least I can do. But...” He stood up from his bed and walked over to me, hesitantly sliding his arms around my waist and pulling me close to him. “...don’t ever forget this, Ken. I love you. I really do.”

I looked up into his eyes and actually felt those words for the first time in a long time. Felt like he meant them. And I could feel myself soften just a little. “I know you do, sweetie. I feel it.” I felt my eyes welling up and a lone tear fell upon my cheek. Shit, I hated crying, but he’d already seen it.

He reached up to wipe the tear away and then gently brought my head to his chest. I could hear his heart beat as his hand stroked my black hair. He lightly kissed the top of my head, “You’ll find your way, babe. You always do.”


* * *


I rubbed my eyes sleepily and rested my head on the desk. Today was not a good day to be at school. I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before – my mind refused to shut up about everything that happened in the day. I felt like taking the world’s longest nap in every single class. Especially Mr. Gordon’s class. A monotone-voiced person should really not be allowed to teach. Somehow I’d survived that period. Not without a harsh jab in the back from a fellow student sitting behind me, but survived nonetheless. Remind me to thank her when I’m more awake.

Maybe I shouldn’t rest my head on the desk. I could fall asleep and leave a big drool mark. How attractive would that be if the teacher caught me? Yeah, not so good. But I couldn’t bring myself to raise my head – the cool desk felt so good on my forehead.

“Tired, hm?” a soft, familiar voice came from in front of me.

I raised my bloodshot eyes to see that Bree had snagged the seat in front of me in our English class. I would have thought she’d be sitting on the far side of the room after our scene yesterday. I was such a bitch afterall. She must like pain, that’s it. “What gave you the first hint?”

A smile played on her lips as she examined my appearance, “Gee...could it be everything?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “You asshole.”

Bree grinned in what appeared relief, “Hey, I’ve been called worse.”

I sat up a little bit and rubbed my eyes again, “I don’t see why anyone would call you something worse. You’re too good for that.” When I brought my hand away from my eyes, I saw a softened look upon her face...and realized I’d just said something fairly nice. Ah man, this whole mask thing doesn’t work when I’m so frickin’ tired.

Bree paused a little before raising questioning eyes to mine, “So...are you doing any better today?”

I opened my mouth to say something smart ass-like but stopped myself. I’d done enough damage with Tyler, I didn’t want to do any damage to her too. Instead, once again I saw those eyes that actually cared about the real answer and felt myself wavering. I settled on looking down at my hands playing with one another on my desk and shook my head a little.

Apparently, I didn’t need to say anything to her. She understood and didn’t push for a single word beyond the head shake I gave her. It was like she knew that was as honest as I could be right then without possibly breaking.

The late bell rang and students began to clamor into their seats as Mr. Whaltman headed toward the chalkboard to begin class.

I glanced around before allowing my eyes to fall back on Bree. As they did, she smiled softly and then hesitated a little bit before reaching out to squeeze the playing hands on my desk. Another chill ran through my body. I hoped she didn’t see my body tremble.

“Thank you.” With that, she released my hands and turned around in her desk to face Mr. Whaltman.

I half-heard him as he began to talk about last night’s reading. I knew it was important to pay attention since I hadn’t read it, but I couldn’t help but stare at the back of Bree’s head. Her hair really was beautiful...the gentle subtle waves...those red tones.

I blinked and rubbed my eyes again. If she sat in that spot the rest of the year, her hair could really prove to be distracting.

Although her hair intrigued me as always, her words intrigued me more. Thank you... thank you for what? For not opening my big, obnoxious mouth? That was definitely up for the running.

But as I stared at the back of her head, it dawned on me... she was thanking me for not hiding. For actually being honest with her about how I felt. I guess...there was reason for thanking me, because as I pondered that moment, I realized it was amazing that I had.

Even more amazing was the fact that I wanted to share more. Open up to her.

But as I finally looked away from her hair and to Mr. Whaltman’s notes on the chalkboard, I knew that day wouldn’t be today.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Gabber,

Beautiful, Keri. Keep it up, I can't wait!

Thanks, Kate. I'm glad you liked it...lol, I was tempted to write the next chapter tonight but I got distracted by a movie my mom was watching and now sadly...my eyes are tired. I swear, this job has turned me into such a wimp when it comes to staying up late -- especially when I even have the day off tomorrow! Bleh.

I have to say this chapter was interesting to write...mainly in the way that I had to detach myself a lot to write it. The first half at least. lol, as my best bud Julie put it, I was traumatized by it and that apparently makes it all the more amusing. Kendra's cracking though...and I wanted to get that across. And not necessarily because of Bree, but because of just herself -- like you pointed out to me. It's everything. And therefore it's permeating into everything in her life, bit by bit. Thanks for pointing that out to me, because it has a broader range now for me...I'm babbling, I blame the sleepy factor. I'm such a wimp.

Thanks again though, really. I'm really pleased, seeing as how this was a difficult one for me to write. I'll try to get the next chapter out soon.

~Keri

Gabber-
I've been reading this story with much enjoyment and interest. I like the plain way that you write the characters, it seems you are a born writer for young adults.

I have some questions about the story which have more to do with the theme. I hope I can venture into this subject without offending anyone. (I feel I have to say that upfront because not being gay I am not always sure of myself when talking about that subject.) What I hope to do is to find ways that help gays and non-gays understand the experience you are writing about, and to also find ways that all people can relate to the story.

First- The theme of finding out that you are gay

In the story you write Kendra as being totally unaware of any doubts she might have about her sexual preference. Is that possible? Would she possibly have a memory or two floating around about the same feelings toward other women? It seems to me that when we feel something as intensely as she has, we are often drawn to former experiences of the same feeling. And those memories, in turn, help us to construct an idea, a self-identity.

I would also want to know why it is that she felt so compelled to ignore these feeling for so long. Is there something about her background that should be included to explain that? And why, suddenly upon meeting this one girl, would she start to question everything?

Second-Relating the story to a universal idea

I believe it is this masking of her true feelings that is the universal story here. The struggle of life is really in finding out who we are, what we're made of. It can be related to a religious awakening, where one discovers where one fits into the grander scheme of things. So this concept has a universal appeal. I don't have any suggestions for making this part of the story tighter. I just wanted to mention it as being very important to the readers who are not looking for confirmation of their own struggle with their sexual identity, but are seeking rather, a way to relate the story to their own experiences.

I hope my questions and thoughts serve to inspire you. Your story has spurred some deeper thinking on my part, so it is clear that you are already succeeding as a writer with this piece. I look forward to reading more.

Nanzar,

Thank you for the reply, I'm glad you came out of hiding to say something about your thoughts on the story...and I'm very glad you're enjoying it. Y'know, I think you're right...after all these years of fighting it -- writing young adult that is -- I have returned to my roots and am thoroughly enjoying it. I think I'm meant to do this. Along with poetry of course.

Also thank you for asking questions and expressing your thoughts... in a way, it's a compliment and a heads up to me that I'm doing my job right...because you're wondering the exact things I was hoping the reader would begin to wonder at this point of the story. And don't worry about that -- I'm here to help you understand gays, just like you're here to help me where non-gays will be coming from with the story. I appreciate that, because I am trying to reach both.

Your first point...

Indeed, I do not think it is possible for Kendra to have not had feelings toward other women in the past. Inklings maybe, but Bree is the first one to bring that full fledged want for a woman out of her. In a lot of ways, I'm relating Kendra's journey here to my own, so I can only share my experience, what I know... I had feelings for women long before my first relationship with one. Did I realize this when I started falling for her? No. To be honest with you, I slowly began to realize crushes on girls from my past, all the way back to kindergarten. It's a process. It's a part of that process of self-identity. I only JUST realized a few months ago certain girls in my past were interested in me too, so as you can see, even four years later I am still admitting things to myself.

Kendra is beginning this process, this journey. The fact that you are asking these questions is a good one -- but you'll prolly be happy to hear that I've already thought of them, and they just haven't been revealed in the story yet. Like myself, these realizations will come to Kendra in time, and it will be these realizations that help her deal with her self-identity.

I'm glad you asked me the question about her past...that's one thing I hadn't thought of, and think needs to be addressed. I will certainly keep that in mind for the right time for it to come out. Thank you. As for why she would begin to question everything upon meeting this one girl...well... when you begin to fall in love for the first time with a woman, you can't ignore it. The feelings. You have to face things you've hid for years. Even with a crush, you can push it aside. But when a woman comes along and stirs up your heart in ways that you can't control nor deny, there's no way you can get around it. Your heart won't let you.

Second point...

I agree with you wholeheartedly. That's why I am so grateful to Kate for pointing that out to me earlier. It made me realize, this story isn't just about her meeting Bree...it's about that universal idea of discovering yourself...of becoming real with yourself. That can appeal to anyone, and I want it to. That's why I changed the way I was going to write the last chapter after Kate said that. I want to make that general theme come through just as much as the love that develops between her and Bree.

*smiles* That makes me happy. I am glad that I've got you doing some deeper thinking...that means a lot. I wanted that to happen for those of you who have been reading. *laughs* I don't like writing fluff anymore. That's the problem, all my young adult books from high school had a lot of fluff, filler. I want to get to the heart of things, while still keeping humor intact. I'm glad that's happening.

Thanks again, Nanzar. I hope I answered some of your questions (essentially, it's coming!)...and please feel free to keep asking as new chapters come. As I said to Kate, your comments help me shape the story as I go along...and they do inspire me. Especially to keep writing and not let this story fall to the wayside. Thank you.

~Keri

Hey everyone. I'd let this story fall to the wayside the last couple of weeks with life stuff going on, but I picked it back up yesterday and have a new chapter for you...don't worry, it's not as traumatizing as the last one, lol. I hope you enjoy.

~Keri
=============


Chapter 5


“Hey Mom, I’m home!” I swung the door open and threw my backpack onto the floor before closing it. The smell of beef stew cooking in the oven greeted me and my stomach immediately groaned in response.

“Hi darling! I’m in the kitchen with Kaylie.” I smiled at the mention of my little sister. She was a little over one year old – the absolute perfect age in my opinion. She looked like a mini-version of myself with her jet black hair and bright blue eyes. The only difference was that cute button nose I’d die for, which just made her all the more endearing. I loved every waking moment I had with her, and I hurried into the kitchen to where they both were.

My mother looked up from feeding Kaylie and gave me a warm smile, “Nice to have you home so early, Kendra. We hardly ever see you at this time. Was Tyler busy after school?” She gently wiped some of the applesauce off Kaylie’s precious little cheek.

I shook my head, “Nah, I just decided to come home. I needed some time with my baby sis.” I leaned over and gave Kaylie a big smile, “Hi Kay baby, how’s my little girl?”

Kaylie giggled and spoke gibberish in return, and I promptly planted multiple smoochies on her baby cheeks. “That’s my girl, as adorable as ever!” Laughing, I sat down in the chair next to her and watched my mom begin to feed her again.

As Kaylie took another slurp, my mom’s piercing blue eyes looked up at me. It was always like looking into a mirror whenever she did that; we had the same exact stare. “How are your classes going?”

I shrugged slightly and kept my eyes on my baby sister. “It’s going okay. Drama is once again proving to be my only happy point in the day, but that’s to be expected amongst all the frickin’ honor classes I’m taking.”

My mom sat up a bit and nodded her head briskly, “Drama’s nice for fun, but those honor classes are the ones that are going to get you into the best colleges. We’ll get you in Yale yet!”

I once again felt weary and put a hand through my hair before sighing, “Y’know Mom, I may not get into Yale.”

“Nonsense!” my mom silenced me with a wave of her hand. A wrinkle appeared on her forehead, the one she always got whenever I said or did something she didn’t like. I always wondered if I made her face age every time I upset her. “You’ll get into Yale, and every other college you apply to. You’ve got the brains, the talent, everything they could want. Just you wait and see.”

My eyes wandered off to focus on the kitchen cabinets. Maybe coming home wasn’t the best idea to calm my mind. Well, I had the right idea with Kaylie, but not my mom. She always expected so much from me, and I was always afraid I was going to sorely disappoint her. In fact, I knew I was going to disappoint her. My heart wasn’t on Yale. My heart wasn’t on any of the places she wanted. To be honest, I didn’t even know where my heart was... it was still undecided. On so many things, it seemed.

Her voice brought my attention away from the cabinets, “And how are things with Tyler?”

I glanced at her and had to laugh when I saw some applesauce clinging to her chin length black hair. I reached over and got it out of her hair, showing her the mess before wiping it onto my jeans. “Kaylie apparently thinks it looks better on you.”

Kaylie cooed in response and I laughed as I ran my hand through her cute little curls.

My mom had to laugh before putting the empty jar of applesauce on the tabletop. “Well, at least I got most of it in that stubborn mouth of hers. You would think she’d enjoy feeding time.”

“It’s all about the way you approach it, Ma. You gotta make it into a little adventure, and then she’ll just eat it all right up. Isn’t that right, baby?” I grinned as I rubbed her head making her coo all the more.

My mom laughed once again. She shook her head and leaned back in her chair, “You always did have a way with her. You’re going to make a wonderful mother someday. Just make sure it’s after college.”

I gave her a look before shaking my head. “Trust me, I’m not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon.” I leaned over to pick Kaylie up out of her seat.

My mom coughed a bit and her voice came out a little shaky, “Does that mean you’re not having sexual intercourse with Tyler yet?”

I almost dropped Kaylie as I looked up at her incredulously. Where the hell did that come from? I held onto Kaylie a bit tighter as I placed her on my lap and bounced her a little bit. “I don’t think I want to talk to you about this.”

“Honey, I’m just looking out for you. Yale is calling, not motherhood.”

I gave her another incredulous look and shook my head in disbelief. “You know, Mom... I’m going to take Kaylie into my room. You just come get us when dinner is ready, okay? Thanks.” Without waiting for permission to leave, I stood up and swung Kaylie onto my hip before walking out of the kitchen.

Once inside my room, I shut the door and collapsed onto my bed with Kaylie on top of me. I smiled up at her, “You and me, Kaylie. We’ll run away someday and have a place of our own. How does that sound?”

The beautiful baby babbled about something and drool made its way down her chin. She was absolutely adorable when she drooled like that. I watched as a yawn escaped her lips and then gave her a knowing smile, “Ahhh. Somebody’s tired. That applesauce just did you right in, hmm baby? That’s alright, we can take a little catnap before dinnertime, why yes we can. C’mere...”

I laid her helpless little body on top of my chest and held her close. She was never one to fight sleeping with me. As long as I didn’t put her in her crib, she was fine. She yawned once more and I felt some drool make its way down onto my skin.

I smiled softly as I gently rubbed her back, “That’s it, darlin’. You just go to sleep and dream of applesauce bubbles and milky rivers, and I’ll hold onto you the whole time.”

As the minutes passed, I felt her breathing grow deep and slow and I knew she had drifted off into slumber. I sighed softly. Yes, this was exactly what I needed – some time with my baby girl. She made all the chaos in my head just file away into neat, little, organized compartments. She made sense, simply because being with Kaylie was all about love, unconditional love. My love for her, her love for me. She didn’t care if I made it into Yale. She didn’t care if maybe I liked a girl. She didn’t care if I missed a dance step. I could be imperfect me and she would love me still... and I knew that she could throw up on my favorite shirt right now, and I wouldn’t be mad at her at all. Unconditional love... yes, that’s what I’d needed. Someone to love me when I didn’t see a reason to.


* * *


I lightly tapped my pen to the music playing on my headphones. Mrs. Schwartz had given me a tape of the musical to begin to work out the choreography in my head. At every waking chance, I would pull the music out and listen to a bit more to see what inspired me most. I had even skipped going out to lunch for the opportunity to sit and listen to the tape. I’m sure Tyler wasn’t thrilled, but he knew I wanted space right now...and this, working on the musical, was helping.

Through the music, I heard a voice calling out to me, “Kendra!”

I looked up to find my best friend, Jodie Miller, waving and making her way over to the wall I was leaning against. A big smile rose on my lips and I took the headphones off to greet her. “Hey sugar! I haven’t seen you since school started – where’ve you been?”

Jodie’s dark blue eyes rolled as she plopped down next to me. She ruffled her short, windblown, light brown hair before looking up at me. “Let me tell you, girlfriend. My schedule was horrible, and I’ve essentially been fighting the people in the office over it ever since. I mean, who in their right mind would take Physics? Really?”

I smirked and raised a finger, “Uh, me, you idiot.”

A playful grin made its way onto her face as she pulled her sandwich out of her lunchbag, “Well, we’ve always known you were never in your right mind.”

“Shut up, you hobag,” I laughed and smacked her shoulder. Setting my music aside, I decided to pull my lunch out and eat with her for awhile before returning to it. I took a bite of my bologna and cheese sandwich.

Jodie laughed with me, “I always knew you loved me. Or at least wanted to sleep with me.”

I about choked on my food and sat up straight, “What?!”

“Calm down, cowgirl. I know, I know...your body is reserved for Tyler, lucky son of a bitch,” Jodie waved me off and threw some chips into her mouth. “Where is Tyler anyway?” She scanned the area for his tall, lanky body.

I shook my head, “I think he went out to lunch. I stayed here to work on some stuff for the musical.”

“Oh! That’s what I wanted to tell you!” Jodie put her sandwich down and grabbed my hands excitedly. “I... your bestest best friend in the whole wide world... got her schedule rearranged... and I’m going to be in drama with you! Eeee! Isn’t that awesome?!”

“That’s great!” I replied wholeheartedly. “That is perfect, because with the musical, we could so use your voice. Mrs. Schwartz is going to be thrilled to have you joining us.”

Jodie grinned mischievously, “Hell, I’m just going to be thrilled to be working side by side with none other than Parker Harris. I have mentioned how hot he is, right?”

I laughed, “Yes, you have. And I’m sure he’s going to be just as thrilled to have you around. He says girl eye candy helps him memorize his lines – whatever. And Lord knows he sure does like to flirt.” I took another bite of my sandwich and stuffed a couple of chips in with it.

“He is a handsome man o’ man. But mainly, it’s going to be great actually having a class with you. I can’t believe we hardly have any classes together this year. I think fate was playing a cruel trick on us. That’s partly why I pushed for drama so much. I just wanted to be able to spend some time with you.” She laughed. “Even though it means you’ll now have the permission to boss me around and make fun of my dancing for a living.”

I grinned, “We’ll turn you into a dancer yet, just you wait. I always said you had potential, you just need someone to guide you.” I tossed a chip at her with a giggle, “And apparently that guide is me.”

Jodie snorted, “God help us all.”

“Hey!” I exclaimed and began throwing more chips at her to which she responded with the same. Shrieks were heard as she began chasing me around the quad, and fellow students began to cheer us on. When she finally tackled me on the grass, we were both laughing like madmen.

Ah yes, this was what I needed too. Good ol’ Jodie to make me feel normal... and with the grass stains on my jeans, I definitely felt like myself again.


* * *


I was still smiling at the memory of Jodie chasing me as I slid into my seat in English class. Granted, I hadn’t really worked on the musical at all during lunch, but spending time with my best friend was something I’d desperately needed.

Someone slid into the seat in front of me, and I felt my heart stop as I realized it was Bree. I wondered if she was going to make this her permanent seat. A big part of me hoped so.

Bree turned sideways in her seat to look at me and giggled, “Cute.”

I blinked, “What?”

With a sly grin, she reached up and pulled a piece of grass out of my hair, her fingertips lightly brushing against my cheek in the process. The graze of her fingertips sent chills down my spine – I hoped she didn’t notice me trembling right then. Tossing the grass to the floor, she giggled again, “Maybe I should have left it there. It was quite endearing.”

I felt a goofy grin make its way up my lips and a surge of confidence course through my body, “You just want a reason to be able to stare at me.”

Bree raised an eyebrow and grinned back at me, “I don’t need a reason.”

I coughed a little bit because I could feel my cheeks beginning to turn a lovely shade of red. Would I ever be able to keep from blushing around her? I mean, really, this cannot be good for a girl’s reputation.

I could tell Bree wanted to say something about my blush from the playful look in her eyes, but she refrained for God only knows what reason. Instead, she sat up a bit straighter before raising slightly hesitant eyes, “So... I was wondering...”

I noticed her hesitancy and remembered it from a couple of days before. She was so confident, it really was weird to see her confidence waiver occasionally around me. I could tell she needed encouragement, and it felt satisfying to be able to give her some, “Yes, Bree?”

A shy smile rose onto her face, and I felt my heart melt. I needed to see more of those shy smiles. Yes. It’s mandatory. Must see more.

“I’m going to be performing at a coffee house nearby, Cafe Electric, tomorrow night. It’s nothing special. Just me and my guitar and a couple of songs. But... I’d like it if you came.” I noticed Bree playing with her ring on her middle finger and watched as she looked up at me for an answer.

I gave her a warm smile and reached out to squeeze her hand. Oh, I loved her hand...so strong, yet soft. “I would love to.”

Bree smiled brightly. “Yeah?”

I nodded with another warm smile, “Yeah.”

Her green eyes sparkled and I realized I could really get used to seeing them sparkle like that. “Wonderful. I’ll be going on at eight o’clock. I’ll catch you after the show, okay?”

“Okay,” I smiled and nodded.

Bree couldn’t stop smiling and I absolutely adored that fact. “Okay.” Mr. Whaltman called for everyone’s attention, but she got a mischievous grin on her face. She leaned over and picked the piece of grass up off the floor, and then reached out to place it behind my ear. She wiggled her eyebrows, “Hot.” With that, she turned around and put her attention on Mr. Whaltman.

I felt my cheeks go from rosy to fire engine red, and I quickly brought my hands up to my cheeks to hide them. Shit, I hoped no one noticed. I glanced around to be sure, but everyone’s attention was either on the teacher or themselves. Whew.

A smile rose on my lips and I couldn’t keep it down. Bree wanted me to hear her sing. She invited me personally. The giddiness I felt couldn’t be tamed, and this time, I didn’t care. The way I felt about her terrified me, but I needed to explore it a bit more. I needed to know how I felt, why I felt this way. And I needed to know if she felt the same. Let alone the fact that I just plain wanted to be with her.

All I knew was now I couldn’t wait for tomorrow night.

Well sheesh Keri. I know now what I like about this story aside from what i've already mentioned.

Bree is a lot like me. Confident yeah but there's a vulnerability about her that she only shows a select few, some who REALLY get to her. Like Kendra. Like she was playing with that ring when asking if Kendra would hear her sing. Sheesh. I'm like that with my husband. Well ok interesting.

I loved baby Kaylie, that just rocked. Innocence...that is so needed in this world especially in Kendra's world where--well--innocence is DYING. Kendra is clinging to all that is innocent because she's letting go of her innocence. Very ironic and VERY effective.

I LOVE the scenes with Bree. They are so cool, so real! I LOVE how slowly you are drawing this out. I think you're a bit better at this than I am, I tend to want to cut to the chase hehe.

I can't wait to see what happens next. THanks for this gem! Talk soon

Kate

Kate,

I'm sorry it's taken me awhile to reply, I'm a dork basically.

*laughs* I see now why you like it. And yes, Bree is a very confident person, but even confident people have a vulnerable side that comes out around select few. Kendra is Bree's weakness. *laughs* You do that too? The whole playing with the ring thing? That's totally me. I do that when I'm nervous or unsure about myself when I'm saying something...or when I want so badly to run and hide. It's a sign of my vulnerability and I thought...well...it could be Bree's too.

Thanks! I absolutely adored writing the baby Kaylie scenes. Honestly, it reminds me bigtime of me with my baby cousin Claire... there's something about being with Claire that... it revives me. Refreshes me. Makes me happy. It makes me feel like I'm not so jaded afterall. That's something I'm trying to get in touch with again...something fresh, something happy...and I have a select few that are drawing it out of me. Sometimes that's needed even when we're growing up... and Kendra feels that need. That need to be refreshed as she's losing her innocence. I'm glad it touched you like that...I was hoping it would underscore in that way effectively.

LOL, to be honest with you, Kate...I'm usually the same way. In past books, I have cut right to the chase and focused on developing the relationship quickly. Mainly because I had no patience, I wanted love NOW NOW NOW! LOL. But with Bree and Kendra? It deserves that realness. The fact that things do take time sometimes, and love develops slowly but quickly too. You sense that in their interactions -- they've already fallen for each other, they're just not going to admit it yet. *grins* Plus, I just like drawing it out because it holds the reader in suspense...and I always was called Keri Suspenser when I was younger.

Thanks for always replying, Kate, it means a lot to me. And I'm almost done with the new chapter, I'll prolly be posting it soon!

~Keri

Hey everyone. I have FINALLY finished the next chapter of this story...it only took me a month. Pathetic, I know. But now that it's finished, I almost wish I'd done it sooner 'cause I quite like it. But maybe it wouldn't have been the same then. *laughs* And I'll just say that last scene took a lot out of me, whew. That was intense for me to write. Nonetheless, I hope you guys enjoy...and thanks for reading as always.

~Keri
===========


Chapter 6


Tap, tap, tap.

I glanced at my watch. Tap, tap, tap. I bit my bottom lip and tried to resist the urge to sneak a peak at the clock on the wall. Tap, tap, tap. Maybe...just a little one? Tap, tap, tap. I glanced quickly and discovered only another minute had passed. 1:35pm. Tap, tap, tap.

Suddenly, a large hand slammed my pen down onto the desk. “God, Lachen! Are you trying to get me to think murderous thoughts about you?”

My normally bright blue eyes looked up at Parker in a rather glazed manner. “Huh?”

His eyes widened as he nodded down at the pen, removing his hand from over it. Recognition must have appeared upon my face because he shook his head. “I swear, Lachen. I get that you have to think up some choreography for this musical and all, but can you do it without the pen tapping? Some of us are trying to read this thing for the first time, and if you keep tapping that thing, I have a feeling I’m going to be reading the same page over and over for the rest of the period.”

I smiled weakly. “Sorry. No more pen. See?” I picked up the pen and placed it inside my notebook, holding up my empty hands to him.

Parker smirked and shook his long locks from his eyes, “Uh huh. Just don’t start tapping with your nails. I know you!”

A sheepish smile rose on my face as I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest in order to hide my hands from view. “This work for you?”

With a slight laugh, Parker leaned forward and lightly ruffled my hair before turning back around to focus on his book. I hated it when he ruffled my hair like that, but it was another one of his trademark moves with me. I quite liked the brother/sister relationship we’d developed over the last couple of years. It was the one relationship where I could honestly say that neither of us ever wanted it to be more than a friendship. And thank God for that, because we worked perfectly this way. Plus, it’s not like I needed anymore confusion in my life – I have enough of that already as it is.

It wasn’t long before I glanced at the wall clock again. 1:39pm. Could the time go any slower? Ugh. Get control over yourself, Lachen. Tomorrow night is not that far away. You’re just making it horrendously long by staring at the frickin’ clock every minute! I took a deep breath. Right, control. Control is good.

Just as I was beginning to get into a deep breathing exercise, I heard the classroom door open. I glanced over my shoulder to see my best friend entering the room with an over-the-top confidence only she could have. I waved excitedly at her and smiled happily as she gave me a little wave back before approaching Mrs. Schwartz’s desk. As I watched them exchange papers, Mrs. Schwartz motioned for Jodie to sit anywhere she wanted. And of course, that happened to be next to moi.

As Jodie slid into the seat parallel to mine, she reached over to squeeze my arm. “Good to see you, girlfriend.”

I winked at her in a way that I could only do with Jodie, because otherwise I would have strangled myself for such an act. “As you, darling.”

With an “of course” look, Jodie leaned toward me and whispered, “Why is it so quiet in here? I thought drama was for acting. Y’know. Get up on the table and scream your bloody lungs out until you collapse in a bloody heap. If I’d known I was signing up for mimes, I would have stuck with physics.” She paused as she considered this, and then whispered again, “Okay, not really. I’d rather be a mime. But really, what the hell?”

I somehow stifled my laughter before whispering back to her, “We’re all reading the musical for the first time. Or well, they are. I already have, of course.”

Jodie rolled her eyes melodramatically, “Of course. You’re a bloody perfectionist.”

I smirked and punched her on the upper arm. She winced slightly but kept up a good front. “No wonder you’re a dancer. No strength in your arms. Let’s hope it’s all in your legs.” Before I had a chance to do any more injury to her, she leaned back into her chair and pulled out the book to begin reading. But not before she set a smoldering look on the back of Parker’s head, mouthed the word “hot,” and aimed another wink at me. The drama queen.

I shook my head and grinned. Jodie was a character. Quite a character at that, and I suppose that’s why she’d caught my attention in the first place. She longed to be British, and therefore the word “bloody” seemed to seep out of her mouth every chance she got. She’d been working on an English accent, but I told her to keep it under wraps because quite frankly, it was rather pathetic at the moment. Nonetheless, her pursuit for British happiness was quite amusing to me and I mocked her daily as any good best friend would do.

I looked around the classroom for a moment. I only lasted another minute in the quiet before my attention turned back to the clock. Ooh. 1:59pm. Class would be over soon. I shouldn’t be surprised that Jodie somehow managed to wiggle her way into drama class right before the period was technically over. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had been wandering around the halls for the last thirty minutes.

As the bell rang at 2:00pm, I smiled to myself before gathering up my belongings. Only 30 more hours till Bree would sing for me. Er, not for me. Just sing. As in, for everyone. But alas...a girl could dream. And for some reason, a daydream of Bree singing a song just for me began to play on repeat in my head from that moment on.


* * *


I must admit, sometimes work is the perfect way to pass the time. I’m getting paid for passing time, and I’m being productive. Or at least most of the time I’m being productive. We won’t count the moments where I sneak a catnap when no one’s looking in the darkroom. What can I say? That red light is hypnotizing. It begs me to go to sleep. Not on my customer’s pictures. But once they’re hanging dry on the line, sure, a catnap can’t be helped. Or so I tell myself.

That’s what I was doing that afternoon following school – passing time. Developing the film kept my mind occupied and for that I was grateful, seeing as how my habit of looking at my watch or any clock in the room had grown quite irritating even to myself.

As I was gently lifting one of the photos from the tray to hang on the drying line, I smiled softly at the image. One would think that I’d grow tired of seeing the happy faces of a couple on their wedding day, even that maybe I’d grow a bit jaded. But for some reason, seeing their smiles, their hopes, their dreams for the future that awaited them? It gave me hope too. Hope that maybe I’d find my true love someday. Or that maybe I already had.

I finished up the process of drying the photos before turning the normal light back on in the room. I smiled at my work. Beautiful, if I do say so myself. I gathered the photos together and exited the darkroom, heading down the hall to the main customer service area.

Phillip smiled at me as I entered, “Did you finish the Davidson pictures?”

I tilted my head with a grin as I handed them to him, “Why yes I did. Quite well, I might add.”

“You always think so,” Phillip laughed, as he examined the pictures under one of the brighter lights.

I grinned, “Notice how you don’t disagree with me.”

He smirked slightly, “That’s because I’m letting your confidence build. I’m being a good big brother. Not knocking you down and all that jazz.” He looked closely at one picture in particular, “Did you take this one?”

I glanced down at it and nodded, “Yeah, I did. Why? Should I scrap it?”

Phillip shook his head in slight amazement, “Hell no. I swear, Kendra... you’re getting better and better each time we go to one of these things. The way you framed this... the lighting... the focus... it’s a creative shot, and I can only imagine that the Davidsons are going to love it. They’ll definitely want it in their album.”

I rarely got touched by someone’s praise of my work, but Phillip’s words always meant the most to me. I lowered my head slightly in a humble manner and shrugged my shoulders, “Y’know... I just thought it might look good.”

Phillip elbowed me slightly in the arm and laughed, “Don’t be so modest! I’m impressed. Maybe I’ll give you a couple more rolls of film to use at the next wedding, see what you can come up with.”

I looked up with a wide smile, “Yeah? Really?”

“Really. I think it’s time to let you fly,” Phillip smiled a toothy grin before placing the photos back in my hands. The phone rang and he motioned to stay where I was as he went to answer it.

Glancing at him to make sure he didn’t see me, I pulled out the picture he’d just mentioned to examine. He was right, it really did have a creative edge to it. Maybe...just maybe...I was getting better. The idea excited me, but as I heard him hang up the phone, I quickly put the photo back into the stack where I’d gotten it.

“Guess what, sis?” Phillip said with a hint of happiness in his voice as he walked over.

I looked up at him curiously. “What?”

Phillip grinned happily, “We’ve got a new gig! I just got a call from the manager of a band. They want us to photograph the band in concert. Can you believe it? We’re branching out, baby!”

He opened his arms wide for a hug, and I laughed as I wrapped him up in one. “That’s amazing! Who’s the band?”

“Hollow Greed. Have you heard of them?” he asked as he released me.

I blinked in surprise. “Uh. Yeah. That’s like only one of the coolest bands EVER! They’re on rotation all the time on 106.8 FM, and have a hit song at the moment. You’re telling me we actually are going to be at their concert taking pictures? You’ve got to be kidding me.” I continued to stare at him in disbelief. He must be pulling my leg. Yes, that had to be it.

He shook his head happily, “No joke, sis. Apparently, they heard about us from one of our former clients, saw our work, and asked for the number.”

I laughed as the realization began to dawn on me and I jumped up and down a little bit. “We’re really doing this!”

Phillip laughed and hugged me again in one of those big brotherly bear hugs I loved of his, “We’re doing this!”

“Wooo!” As he let go of me, I ran over to the stereo and pressed the play button, skipping a few songs to get to the one I wanted. “This calls for some Billy Idol.” Phillip laughed as the first few bars started and I danced over to him, holding out my hand. He took it and swung me around. We danced and danced, and it was wonderful. Life was beginning to look good... maybe this growing up thing wouldn’t be so bad after all.


* * *


Saturday evening had finally arrived. There was only a hour left till Bree’s performance, and I couldn’t wait.

I contemplated asking someone to go with me so I wouldn’t be alone, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted anyone else there. I mean, no one really knew about Bree, about my relationship with her. How would I explain it to them? How could I explain it to anyone when I hardly understood it myself? Tyler was certainly out of the running – I wasn’t looking to make the night completely awkward and uncomfortable. Jodie... well... Jodie would probably enjoy it, she liked coffee house performances, but... I just wasn’t ready.

In a way, I felt like it was more appropriate that I go alone. Plus, it would leave an opportunity for Bree and I to hang out after her performance... if she wanted to. It was entirely possible she wouldn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself from being a little hopeful.

I fretted with my hair in front of the vanity mirror in my bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror as I did so and paused to laugh a bit. “What are you doing? You never care about your hair looking this good!” But it was a sad, sad truth. I cared that night. Ah man, I was becoming one of those girls who cared about impressing the person she liked. I’d never cared about my appearance with Tyler. I figured if he didn’t like what he saw, then screw him, he could go elsewhere. I wasn’t here to impress, I was here to be me. But Bree... I wanted to look... pretty in front of her. I wanted her face to maybe light up when she saw me, moreso than normal.

I stared at myself a bit more before sighing and finally giving into my new reality. I lifted up my brush and began to play with my hair again before finally settling on pulling the sides of my hair half-up and letting the rest flow down onto my shoulders. I looked really nice, I must admit.

I straightened my low-cut, baby blue blouse before putting a necklace on. I cringed at myself as I realized I was really not acting normal at all. I walked over and grabbed the belt resting on the floor to slide into the loops of my jeans. As I finished, I looked at myself in the mirror once more and had to smile. I looked good.

I glanced down at my watch and drew in a deep breath. It was time.


* * *


I walked in to the sounds of soft piano music. I glanced at the front to find a blonde-haired girl about my age playing and singing into a mic. She was alone, and the music was melancholy almost as if to match her presence.

I glanced around the shop to see if I could find Bree, but I couldn’t. I frowned a bit and decided it’d be wise to just go sit down somewhere.

As I slid into a booth against the side wall, I realized how pathetic I looked taking up a four-person booth all by myself. Most everyone else had a few friends with them. Maybe I should have brought Jodie. Dammit. Ah well, I might as well get comfortable. I slid to the end so that my back was against the side wall, and stretched my legs out over the seat, crossing them at the ankles.

The song ended and the crowd broke out into calm applause. I joined them and watched as the blonde girl smiled. She stood up from the piano and made her way back down into the audience.

The coffee house owner ran up onto the stage and spoke into the mic. “Thank you, Josephine, that was beautiful as always... Next up, we have one of your favorites – Bree Crystal!”

The audience broke into applause and a few whistles were heard throughout. I grinned widely as I joined in and brought my fingers up to my lips to let out a loud whistle. I laughed as Bree got up on stage and did a little mock curtsey with a smirk upon her face.

Bree grabbed a purple-ish guitar resting on stage, and raised the strap to wrap it around her shoulder. The guitar settled in front of her as she stepped up to the mic. She looked perfectly at ease, as if she was in her element and nothing could make her falter from perfection. She gazed out into the audience and smiled that charming smile of hers. “Hello everyone, thanks for coming out to hear me sing a few songs here. Hopefully I won’t suck.”

The audience giggled a bit and a girl’s voice yelled out, “Never!” I grinned as Bree raised an eyebrow and cocked her head like “yeah, right.” She shook her head with a smile, “My sister can be biased, please excuse her. Nonetheless, this first one is a fun, little ditty – one I like to sing in the shower. None of you get any ideas out there. I’m the only one who gets to imagine you in your underwear – I’m the one on stage.” The audience chuckled and she smiled once more. “Here we go.”

With that, she began to play a fun, upbeat number. It was entirely silly. I could see why it was a crowd favorite and why she opened with it. I wondered if I’d be singing it in the shower later.

Her voice was different than I remembered. It took on a playful tone with this song, unlike when I heard her that very first day we met. It scooped every now and then, inviting the audience to become playful with her. She certainly had a way with them.

I also loved the way the soft stage light played upon her hair. It almost made me wish I’d brought my camera along to take a few pictures. She would have looked absolutely stunning in them. She was dressed differently than her normal look for school. While usually she was comfortable in t-shirts and jeans, tonight she wore tight black pants and a sexy, hunter green shirt that drew attention to her full chest. I had to grin, because for once, she wasn’t hiding the gifts God had given her. She also had on green eyeshadow that made her eyes shine. Quite frankly, she looked hot...and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her.

The song came to a close and I applauded loudly along with everyone else. Bree grinned sheepishly and nodded her head a little bit in response. She lightly picked at her guitar as she spoke, “This next one... it’s called Starlight Tears. Explaining it would taint it, so I’ll just begin.”

As the song started, I noticed she stuck with minor chords, giving the music a somber mood. Her voice was much different than just a moment before, much like I remembered actually. Rich, haunting, and a bit sexy. I found myself sitting up a bit straighter and leaning in to listen closely. As she sang, I realized this must be a break-up song and her eyes closed in memory...in pain. She didn’t just write the song to write it – it was obvious some girl had broken her heart. I found myself wanting to put the pieces back together, wanting to mend that heart for her, wanting to ease the pain. And as this feeling moved through me, I felt my heart melting and the walls beginning to crumble.

I watched her pain intently, unable to look away. As Bree’s voice went soft, her eyes finally opened and the pain was expressed in the way her eyes didn’t sparkle for the first time since I’d known her. Her eyes wandered the crowd, and I felt a sharp intake of breath as they wandered onto me... and stayed there. They spoke volumes to me in that single moment. She was opening her heart to me, letting me see deeper. I didn’t even notice that she’d just brought the song to a close until she smiled shyly at me and then looked away.

Wow... okay... wow. That was intense, I thought to myself. I drew in a deep breath and tried to steady my heart as I realized I’d stopped breathing for a moment there.

Bree laughed a little bit as if to break the silence, “Depressing, I know.” The audience chuckled a little bit in response and she smiled sheepishly. “To make up for it, I have a new one for you. I wrote this song in the last couple of days, and because the inspiration for it is here tonight... I think it just may be a good time to debut it. It’s called The Girl with the Blue Eyes... So, Blue Eyes...” I felt my heart skip a beat as her green ones fell upon me meaningfully and she smiled that charming smile of hers. “This one’s for you.”

I stared at her in shock, and leaned in even closer as I listened to the words. Her voice took on an even softer tone than normal, which made me listen all the more intently. And each time Bree’s eyes fell upon me, I felt goosebumps all up and down my arms.

I think you could be
The one that gets me over
I think you could be
The girl I could fall for

I think this could be
Scary, amazing, and freeing
I think this could be
How love is supposed to be

And I find myself falling
For the girl with the blue eyes
And I see myself trying
To convince the girl with the blue eyes
To take a chance
On me

I think you could be
The one that teaches me
I think you could be
The one that will help me believe

I think this could be
The beginning of beauty untold
I think this could be
Exactly what I want to unfold

And I find myself falling
For the girl with the blue eyes
And I see myself trying
To convince the girl with the blue eyes
To take a chance
On me

Oh please, Blue Eyes
Take a chance on me


I felt tears forming in the corner of my eyes, and I knew my heart could truly burst at any moment. She’d done it. With her voice, with her words, with her music... she’d broken through all my defenses. And now, there would never be any going back.

In trying to convince me to take a chance on her, she’d convinced me to take a chance on me.

OH MY GOD! Yayyyyy! THat song is so beautiful Keri, so simply stated! Talk about music being magical...kind of reminds me of john lennon's song Julia...lol ok a bit of sharing here, my first love was a girl called Julia, and i sang this to her once, but i reversed the lyrics in one phrase like this:

"When I cannot speak my mind
I can only sing my heart...Julia."

Anyway my point is, sometimes music says it best...I love that you incorporated that in the story. Well done...and well worth waiting for! Can't wait to see more. And i love the scenes with her brother and Jodie...just takes it back to something light and comfortable and then there's the mix of subtle then sublime intensity of the coffee shop, her outfit, voice, all of it. Cool.

No problem hon, glad to give feedback, it's exciting to see this story grow. Now...be a sweetie and check out my harry potter story hey? Now that i'm over that annoying writer's block lol. ta, babe.

Kate,

YAY! Good to see you on here, I was wondering when you were going to see this new chapter. I'm thrilled that it got an "OH MY GOD!" out of you, lol.

Extra thrilled that you liked the presence of the song in there. For a long time now, I'd known that I wanted to have that first "real" moment between Bree and Kendra be when Bree was up on stage...and I knew I wanted her to sing a song for Kendra. I just didn't know what. So I finally GOT to this scene after knowing that for awhile... and it all flowed. Everything leading up to the song was hard to write, took a lot outta me...that kind of description and intensity... but the song itself flowed. Easy and breezy-like. Just flowed. Course, it prolly helped that I was inspired when writing it...muse finally spoke up after a month of silence or so, and this was what came out. Still amazes me how easily it flowed. It's actually meant to be set apart from the story as its own poem/song...just lol, a change of eye color, that's all. But I adore it, I wish I could figure out some music to it. Still kickin' myself that I can't play guitar well, 'cause it really is so a guitar song.

I love the Julia reference...those lines are great. And thanks for sharing, m'dear. But you're right, sometimes music does say it best. I realized many months back that...poems are from the heart, but songs are from the soul. So when you actually write a song and sing it, not only is your heart on display, so is your soul. It's that PULL. I can't describe it, but it's the pull. I love writing music for that very reason...shows the side of me that can't come through my poetry.

Oh, and a bit of info for you!

I about squealed when you said, "Talk about music being magical..." because hee... see... before I even started WRITING this book, I did character developments for both Bree and Kendra so I'd know where they come from, where they're heading, etc. But I didn't know their names. I wanted their name to BE them...who they were. So I went onto this name site and looked through names for certain meanings... and for Bree, I was looking for a name that meant "Strong" because that's how I see her...and obviously, Bree was one of them and just seemed to scream this character so I went with that. Then I was looking for the other character... and I came upon Kendra which means... "Magical." PERFECT. So to hear you say that the song was magical, and it was for Kendra. Big squeal moment. LOL. I'm a dork, don't mind me.

Thanks! And yes, I'm always trying to make sure there is a nice mixture of light and serious. Plus, I want it to be obvious that Kendra DOES have a life...outside of Bree. She has friends. She has family. She has work. All things that are very important to her. While Bree might occupy her thoughts, she doesn't always occupy her whole day. Important, I think.

Thanks, it's exciting to see it grow too. It's the first time since high school that I've written this much for a book. I'm up to like page 42, I think. My last book made it to page 28. So woo! *cough* And um... *cough* as for your Harry Potter story, I've been meaning to tell you I'm sorry for not dropping in there. I've felt horrible 'cause of how you keep giving me feedback. But... *cough* the reason why I haven't, is because uh... you said there were spoilers for book 5 and well, uh... I never finished it. I had issues that only make sense to me, so uh... *whistles and looks off while blushing* Um, yeah, I know. Laura is on my case bigtime about this, and so it's my current mission to finish the book. I'm like on page 500, but I got like 300 more to go...so as soon as I finish, I WILL read your story! So yes, I figured I needed to explain that to you...I didn't want to be spoiled by your story. 'Cause somehow I have remained spoiler free since it came out. So yes, right... I'm a dork, and I shall go now... *cough*

~Keri

Keri,
{{{{hugs}}}}--eeek, i'm the dork, I remembered you told me you hadn't finished book 5 yet lol...oops my bad well take your time hon, serious spoilers do exist in my story and i do not want that ruined for ya. It's there for ya whenever you finish it or if you want i can even send it to you when you're done.

THAT IS SO COOL! You went and got meanings for their names and Kendra means magical...whoa, that's intense lol i guess i was on with that one, cool! It's great that you're showing that she has a life cuz like you said that is so important. I guess from one musician to another it's really cool to see how the music flows in the story...I guess it's the musician in you too but the story kind of sings too if ya catch my drift.

Anyway can't wait to see more...and y'know i miss chattin with ya if you ever get yahoo messenger or msn, let me know...my yahoo id is kate19119 and my msn is just my email addy which is in my profile.

Anyway talk soon hon take care!
kate

Kate,

*huuuuugs* *laughs* Don't worry about it, I couldn't remember if I had told you or not. It's my own fault for not having finished it already -- it's been awhile since you started writing that thing. Bad Keri. But I will try to finish it soon... so I can read yours. Wanna give feedback, why yes I do.

*big grin* I'm glad you liked that little story! It really is so cool that you said magical and Kendra's name means magical and the song was for Kendra...it's just great! *nod nod* Very important to show other life aspects. It can be very easy to get caught up in just the relationship, but I want there to be other aspects going on. *laughs* And yes, one musician to another indeed... it must come through to you. I apparently can't keep my stuff from singin'.

I miss chatting with you too! It's been awhile... Ooh, you have Yahoo messenger? I thought you only had MSN, which I don't have. BUT I have recently been hopping on Yahoo because a few friends from a new board I go to only have that, and it's the only way I can talk to them away from the board. So, definitely, let's chat sometime again -- my yahoo name is Keri Bearie.

Take care babe!

~Keri