I hope you don't mind my studying you.
As you sip your coffee
and your hazelnut eyes stare off
into whereever it is you go
when your mind wanders
to a familiar, broken place.
It's unfair
Someone stole your heart
Before I could get to it.
And i ran in feebly
To catch the falling pieces
In your daydream
But they had shattered
Fallen to the ground in millions
And i ended up catching you
On your hands and knees
Trying to figure out what went wrong
When they couldn't make you feel safe,
Or anything like they must have felt
While in your arms.
So is it too late to help?
Can I glue anything together for you?
I'll never be anything more
Than the lover of your mosaic.
But if I had been there before
I would have shown you what was missing.
Instead of merely watching
As you sigh and take another sip
Of black unsweetened humility.

mons!

Hey, great poem. It really grabs you and pulls you in. I like these lines:

quote:

---

I'll never be anything more
Than the lover of your mosaic.

---

That tells the truth.

And this:

quote:

---

But if I had been there before
I would have shown you what was missing.

---

Love always makes us feel more powerful to help others. I don't know if it's true, but I know the feeling.

Thanks nanzar. I actually wanted to cut out a piece, to make it read better/smoother, what have you, but when you post as a "guest" it doensn't seem to let you. I wanted to cut out:

into where ever it is you go
when your mind wanders

I was told this part was too vague. And it was! So read it without! I think it's cooler.

I liked that part about the mosaic too. Because, unless your loved one was locked in a cage before you, their heart has been ravaged and reassembled numerous times, and the best thing you can do is love them for their pieces. Ha!

Ah well, if i could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Thanks for your time.

mons

i like that piece--don't take it out. the "place" you're talking about is vague...being vague about it helps convey that imo...

WHAT WOULD XENA DO?

are you sitting on the soap?

Ditto Zoom.
That was a favorite line for me too. I just didn't mention it because it was so smooth (something I've come to expect from you mons).

mons,

Interesting poem...I too really liked the lines Nanzar mentioned:

"I'll never be anything more
Than the lover of your mosaic."

It's a beautiful image overall... although I also really liked these lines:

"Trying to figure out what went wrong
When they couldn't make you feel safe,
Or anything like they must have felt
While in your arms."

Just something about that hit me, and really stood out to me.

Sorry I'm not more talkative, but just know I enjoyed this poem.

~Gabber



"Don't think I can't feel that there's something wrong
You've been the sweetest part of my life for so long
I look in your eyes – there's a distant light
And you and I know there'll be a storm tonight

But baby, this is serious
Are you thinkin' 'bout you or us?

Don't say what you're about to say
Look back before you leave my life
Be sure before you close that door
Before you roll those dies
Baby, think twice..."

This bit really hit me:

So is it too late to help?
Can I glue anything together for you?

It just sounded like someone making naive offers of help, because they weren't sure what else to do.

Sweet poem.

Prep S.

what does the "s" stand for? anyhoo. thanks for your input. you make a good argument. i'm still thinking about that line. seeing as the subject it was written about is never going to see this. i think i'll keep those two lines, for some reason, i guess i thought it was invasive. i don't know. i'm crazy! thanks though! :P

GABBER!

Yeah, i liked those too! Cause this part got the admiration aspect in. Like you can love art, but never truly "love" art. i'm glad you enjoyed it, and that you read it! thanks.

ARGY!

damn. you --> hit it right on the head! that was exactly what i was trying to say with those two lines. For me, they were the most important. without them, it just seemed like another, umm... "love" poem, and it's not. it's a ... well, i don't know what to call it. it's an admiration poem. ha. does that make sense! anyhoo. thanks for the read dear!

mons

quote:

---

Originally posted by mons:
Prep S.

what does the "s" stand for?

---

spleen

WHAT WOULD XENA DO?

are you sitting on the soap?

"C" is for cookie;
that's good enough for me!