Guilty Pleasures - Revisited

01 January 2005, 05:03 AM

<mons>

Okay, so this is the lay of the land-- i have been totally unable to come up with poetry. i sit down, try to figure out even a subject to write about, and i'm at a loss for any words. so, i went back to read some stuff from late last year when it was really just pouring out of me, in comparison. I came across the guilty pleasures poem and thought it would be interesting to write about how i feel now. see, in the first draft i was like "yeah, this will be worth any regret," and completely lost in the "now". in the second new part it's like, i don't know... "that sucked, and i don't think it was worth the regret, looking back on it."

so, this is the thing: you should be able to read the part on the right and have a poem, you should be able to read the part in the BOLD and have a poem, and you should be able to read it as a whole and have a poem! it's like 3 poems in one!

so. i hope you like it, cause there was just something really cool for me in the concept of this one. thanks for reading, and tell me what you think.

Guilty Pleasures Revisited

Hidden beneath diaphanous layers
Tattered along the edges now
Exposed easily in this utter drunkenness
More than a year stale
I’m pandering to my will again
Despite my lost muse
As I watch you sleep
I lay in bed tossing and turning
And caress your planed features
A smoky shadow of the reality it was
With an unfettered gaze
A moment of inaction
I haven’t the courage
The ability to change
To let my fingers touch
What I truly never had
What I can hardly believe
I’ve gotten lost in my obsession
My head will be swimming another day
Today is just one of many such days
In the memories of these lost hours
Squandered in a fruitless diversion
Found stashed away
Moments I should have buried
In a ribbon of indulgence
Now strangling me
Marked simply as “Beauty”
These vestiges I should have left behind
And like a gift
A curse, a burden to heft through life
I’ll unwrap you in those dark times
There’s been far too many as of late
Content in my insomnia
Left by the chill and winds of hindsight
With quiet and stillness worth the sight
This endless ache and longing must be done
Of an intoxicating re-creation
My head still throbs from this loveless hangover
Of a once wondrous and sleepless night

mons

01 January 2005, 10:17 AM

The Troll

This is a very interesting concept, and a great exercise for a silent muse. I'll have to try this sometime myself with one of my poems.

I liked this particular piece before as it was, but I think this turned out great too. You have so many perspectives going. It's like a 3d poem!

You use the word regret in your preamble. I think it deserves some play in your title. Don't know how though.

01 January 2005, 01:43 PM

Free Madness

This is awesome. Phenomenal idea. I'll have to try that as well.
I like the one in the bold the best. It's like looking back and realizing what happened, after being caught up in it. Despite the pain, you realize it must be over.
"This endless ache and longing must be done."
The choice to combine them was great--the realization as a reminder, an answer, of the past.
Brilliant work.

03 January 2005, 09:58 PM

Gabber

monsie,

*grins* Now aren't you glad I peer pressured you into putting this up here?

I think it deserves to be displayed...because the concept in and of itself rocks. That's something I usually can't do -- come up with some new concept, new idea. I just put my feelings out there in whatever form feels right...so I envy those of you who can do that.

Like I told you earlier, it's a beautiful poem. Both of them...and together as a whole. There's something about the way you write -- it'll always be pure mons. You find a way to use words and phrases that are original and not cliche. That's a good thing.

I'm glad you put this up. And here's to hoping that muse of yours kicks it into high gear sometime soon.

~Keri

05 January 2005, 07:50 PM

<mons>

Thanks chicas for reading my poem, and for commenting on it, always nice.

Regret, yup, it's in there, but i dont know if i want it to be the headliner. my biggest thing is the ache. the dull tossing and turning unsettling yearning for what i will never have. and where there are of course traces of regret in every yearning unmet, i would still like to keep my personal focus on the wanting. but you know me and titles NANZAR!! never my strong point.

Hey! nice to see ya reading my stuff again!

i love the fact that you liked the bold better, cause it's the segment i questioned more, whether or not it could truly exist on it's own like i wanted it to. and you should give it a try! it was lots of fun to put that twist of hindsight in there, to give life to the part of me that was talking then but i was consciously supressing. try it... post it... i'll read it.

mons

06 January 2005, 08:26 PM

mons

oh yes, i'm so glad!

oooooh, i loved to be looked upon with envy! *drunk with poer laughter ensues*

thanks, i'm glad you liked it and the concept. i think you should try it too! i would really love to see everyone give it a go! you know, pull out something that meant a lot, and just means something or feels different now.

i think my originality comes from my lack of schooling and general ignorance.

thanks though. i think we all go for orginality, and it really makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to think that i'm UNIQUE!!

i've been gettin' that damn muse of mine drunk and all hussied up.. in hopes that she might be in good spirits because of it, and give me a few sly inspirations. what a ho...

mons