Livia did so well returning Xena's toy..it's a pity the gods scrambled her tormented little mind. i was so hoping i would get to do that. inexplicably, however, the head i so beautifully plucked was a counterfeit. but i don't think it will matter. this uneasy alliance i've formed with Callisto (i thought i had issues...) has great potential and my options are limited at this point (i do have the Amazon...but she has much more value to me as a play thing than she ever would as a bargaining chip...). time is running out. i do like the way this one thinks--she gets to the heart of the matter--but i'm deeply suspicious of her motives...if i can still obtain the genuine article in time her motives won't really matter, though. so for now i'l just have to see where she will take me....

one minute i was tormenting the hairball in an Indian alley, the next i'm back in my cave. i thought at first Callisto had pulled a fast one, but the chakram's still here. too bad. that screeching vixen was indeed crazy, but so deliciously singleminded in her desire to make Xena's world a living hell. and wicked clever if isay so myself. i do wonder where she and her little her ever-so-intersting little bauble have gone...?

and now, the furher adventures of...
Alti, Excommunicated Amazon Caterer

places, places! Xena will be here soon.
altar dusted...check!
orb glowing...check!
icky artifacts buffed and polished...check!
goblets of deer's blood at perfect body temperature...check!

what? the crapcakes got burned? perfect! i'll put them over there next to the turtleweinies in Alfredo sauce (i never could stand that bastard Alfredo...). and i must remember...every glass of water gets a twist of lemming. how does that devil Martha Stewart do it...even i bow to her mastery of the evil catering arts!!!!

i've been exercising my powers of mind control on The Head. if it won't shut up, which is apparently the case, i'll make it sing for us. Oh Ephiny. wakie wakie lil Amazon. Eli's head is going to preform a number for us....

the loveliness of Heaven
seems somwhow sadly gay
the glory that was Rome
is Livia's today
i've been halved, yes in 2 pieces
i really hope to be one again some day....

i left my head in Alti's lair
upon an altar in a cave
where there are artifacts of doom
all strewn about the room
i wonder what will zoom write for me next

i left my bod in old Italia
i did not die without my head
if we get back some day head & body
the Way of Love will be for me.

lovely singing voice he has. any requests?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: zoom,

How about 'Fly me through the room' by the Ancient Italian singer Francis Sinataro?

you heard the lady, fur-face. hit it!

fly me thru the room
i'm just a head, it's not that hard
decapitation's going round
doubt me? just ask the bard
in other words, cast a spell
in other words, i'm i hell!

Ephiny is here
she's in a cage, she seems real pissed
no telling how by Alti
that Queen Amazon's been dissed
in other words, what a scene
in other words, Alti's mean!

*taps foot to the tunes*

In keeping with the season...

Oh Holy Head

Oh holy head
Whose eyes are brightly shining
Love is the way
That you came to be this way
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till it was sevr'd and the legs felt its worth.
A plan of death this life cannot fulfil
For yonder lives the part that makes it whole!

Fall on your face
Too hear the off tune singing
Oh he-ad divine
Oh head... where are your legs?
Oh he-ad divine
Oh head di-vine…

heh. nice. i was going to have The Head do some holiday tunes next...

somewhere in the vast darkness where space meets time, the cold brittle cackle of an eduring evil breaks the milennia-long silence.

goodbye for now Xena. have fun finding your chakram...

Livid. That's what I am. I need to be clear. Clear my mind. Ah, that's better. Now, I want those powers back, and I will have them. Let's start at square one. Who took them? That's right, that little bitch of Minya's. I believe she's been adopted by an equal little bitch. They haven't seen anything yet. Pack a bag, I'm off to Rome.

Would you look at that? I never noticed that before, but how could I not? I'm usually all about dark hair and an attitude, but this is definitely worth checking into. Look at those tig ol' bitties. And those lips, mmm, I bet they taste like fruit. She's a little thick in the middle, but it's just more cushion for the pushin. And she's so sweet, and smart, well not smart smart, but I haven't seen her walk into a tree lately.