Damn that Alti!

I still...have a headache.

*sharpens sword*

It almost seems I've experienced the same morning several times in several ways, each with a new person appearing. Even after we'd started for the nearby village, there we were sleeping by the same campfire. Well, it's not like this hasn't happened before...

*fixes leather thing on skirt*

*waits*

*silently weeps*

*yawns*

*isn't one for diaries*

Empty....that's all I feel. When they came to tell me, I couldn't cry. I couldn't laugh. I couldn't speak.

Nothing....that's what I feel about Gabrielle. I can't be sad, there's no way I can be sad. I can't be angry. Angry that someone else has taken her from me. Angry at her...I just can't.

Caesar won't enjoy his new life long. He hasn't hurt me by doing this. No...I won't let him hurt me anymore. He can think he's hurt me. That will make him overconfident. Okay, more overconfident than usual.

I fear losing Eve most of all. I never have been much of a mother to her. I suppose it would have been too dangerous anyway. She needs me now. Rome is no place for her to serve. Caesar requires a watchful eye from both of us. then there are the other threats. I have to be strong for her...even if she kills me. With Solan gone, she's the only one I have.

Chakrams everywhere! This is getting ridiculous. I've only needed my favorite stand-by. Is this the price of becoming a legend? All those blasted imitators!

They were all there today. Amazing. What in Hades is it that I'm going to do to deserve that bunch? I suppose I should ask Alti....or maybe read the scrolls of my future bard. Don't trust Alti. Hopefully the head of the holy man will keep her busy for awhile.

I don't remember Minya being pregnant when Alti showed me this time...Was it my imagination or was she getting bigger before my eyes? That can't be a good sign. Call me old-fashioned, but babies that don't come into this world naturally just aren't right.

What's this?

Xena Scrolls by Gabrielle of Potadaia.

Where is Potadaia?

"I sing a song of Xena, the former Destroyer of Nations who redeemed herself..."

Redeemed? Who redeemed me?

"...redeemed herself..."

Oh...hmmm...did I get a good payout for that?

This could take awhile. I need to know what the deal is with that third chakram and why everyone was so interested. Who can I ask about it without arousing too much suspiscion or risking letting Alti in my head?

Oh yes, of course. Joxer.

I knew that pregnancy wasn't right. Killed the fool. Rather a shame, I could have used him. I think I overdid the hysterics a bit though. Don't want these people to suspect anything is too different about me. Got a good vocal workout.

It's funny how other people see you. It should be obvious that I don't do or feel certain things, but people continue to project themselves on you. My only grief is for my son killed by that thing.

It's dangerous to be my child. Alti can try to get Eve--Livia--Eve...but damned if I'll let it happen. But how do I protect her? I just don't think that a mother-daughter chat is going to cut it. Son of bacchae! That's why I had Solan raised by centaurs. I've no business having children. Why on earth my future self would let Eve be raised by a damned no good Roman... It's dangerous to be my child.

My soul...why does everyone want my soul? It never did me much good. Maybe I should let them have it. Well...not Alti. Not Dahok....not that babykiller Hope. Not that religiious fool.

It's mine you bastards! I'll do whatever it takes to see you fail.

So I've made deals I never thought I could make. What next? Oh yes...my shopping list.

I can't believe my false prophet got burnt to a crisp like that. Kind of takes the wind right out of my sails. But no need to ignore an opportunity just because it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. Looks like I'll be doing a bit of grave robbing though to get my kidney.


Pity that wasn't Hope in the temple and there I thought I'd take care of one item on my list. I wonder if Zeus wishes me ill? His heart might have worked very well indeed. If he has one. I doubt it. There's a reason why I don't like to deal with the gods. They are about as trustworthy as I am. That one who brought me here in the first place for instance....something not right about that one.

I wonder if Iolaus has found where that so-called holy man hid the Chronos stone. FutureXena may have gone a bit soft in her heart, but-I hate to admit it-she's got something I don't.

No, not love...experience. All of me, all of what's to come. And maybe with what I know of this time, I can change things just a bit. Like staying away from Potadaia.

Who would have thought? That Drusilla is another one of my flames who qualifies as psychotic. Luckily, I refuse to be love's bitch. Good thing, seeing as it wasn't real.

Well, it wasn't real on my part. Poor kid. Loves me so much she was ready to kill me to become me. Add a double dose of Cupid's arrows and it's almost heartbreaking. Good thing I don't have much of a conscience.

You always hurt the ones you love, eh, Drusilla?

I wonder where he hid it? I wonder if I should waste any energy on trying to keep that stone. I mean, it could be very handy to know what's going to happen...and very confusing.

I think I'll just take what knowledge I have gotten from this and use it wisely--well, to my advantage anyway.

Where is Hercules is in all this? It seems out of character for him not to try and interfere. I'll have to keep an eye out for him.

I'd also do well to keep an eye out for the perfect way to get Love's outrage. I wonder if killing Drusilla is enough? Probably not. I've still got all those arrows of Cupid. Surely there's something I could do with those.
I suppose I could defile a temple of Dite's Afro...nah. It can't be that easy.

It's almost time.

I feel so disconnected. Like remembering something I suppressed so long ago. Maybe because it happened to me so long ago--even though it just happened. Time paradox is a bitch. Just give me something I can kill or fight. I leave this mystical stuff to the charlatans.

Heh...I wonder if Cupid has accidentally turned potential lovers into pigs or goats by using Artemis' arrows. The best tricks to play on the gods are the simple ones.

I don't like this.
I'm confused, I want Iolaus dead. Why? And what is Cupid talking about? That was not me that killed his lover...well it was me...the old me. Dammit.
So much has happened and now Cupid has my chakram. Must get it back from him. That meddling god has been a thorn in my side too long.
He said I will kill everyone I love. I must do something about him, and fast. I think I'll see if Dite's Afro can help me out. But I don't know, she never was very good at controlling him.

Damn gods. Well Zeus did one thing worthy of my respect, he killed Alti. Well all right, two things, killing Dahok. So many memories flood my mind. Gabrielle, dead. Minya and Joxer...and now Eve, Livia--what is she up to?
Must keep my eye on her too. Now that Cupid has gone insane, I am sure she will be next on his list.

Not if I can help it.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Cupid,

Cupid may have gone insane but I'm not. Yet.

Eve has one of the pieces of the Chakram. Great, just great. As for Hercules, he's furious at Cupid and at the gods. Now that Jeremaiah has turned out to be Cara's twin. What a bitch.

Cupid tried to kill him apparently and missed. Well isn't that just dandy. At least they punished him--Discord, I must say that was pretty good on Hera's part. I don't trust her not to find a way out of that "love" charm Dite's Afro apparently put on her.

Hercules is furious, he was practically spitting when he told me this. Apollo had filled him in. Still no sign of Iolaus--who I still want dead under my feet--damn Cupid! I'll make him regret this, I tell you now.

Enough of this. I'm going to go sharpen my sword. Need something to do with my hands--too bad there are no bunnies around to kill. That's how mad I am right now.

Bella. I don't believe it.
HOW am I going to convince anyone? Will Zeus and Hera listen to me? I doubt it. She put a scrambling spell on me(DAMN that Cupid and his scrambling spells--she got that from picking his brain I KNOW it)--I couldn't even tell Hercules without breaking into some stupid song. It's ridiculous!
Well, I don't need the gods, I never did. I'll do this on my own. Somehow.
If I could just find where Bella is hiding right now....
HOW am I going to do that? I don't even have my chakram anymore thanks to that incessant winged god.
Have to think of something. What would Gabrielle do?

Never mind. Don't want to go there.

I'll find her. Somehow...

The gods are more obsessed with this chakram than I am.
Well....I WILL get it back.
They're annoyed because apparently I hate my friends and family regardless of Cupid not throwing the pieces at them. They were so sure that the chakram pieces alone could do that. They forget that Bella does not need a chakram to do that...she did it some other way.

Then again they have no idea it was Bella anyway. They still think it was Cupid. Oh, they're positive Bella has the fourth chakram piece. But they don't know where she is, although I heard they were going to interrogate Cupid about her.

I don't trust Cupid as far as I can throw him. I will bet you he has some memory of all this. I mean to go to him later and find out. I WANT that chakram all together again--and in it's rightful place!

They're intrigued because Cupid, Dite's Afro and Tara are all wearing the chakram pieces around their necks. I overheard them talking together, Zeus and Hera. Suddenly, Zeus said something about a black opal. I froze.

Bella used a black opal to do her spell on me. Can Zeus have a clue about that? And if so...who did he get it from? Did someone tell him or did he read a mind?

Uhuh. Cupid apparently has no more memory of what happened after Jeremaiah died than Dite's Afro does. However, there's something about him...I saw him lecturing Bliss the other night before he whooshed him away. He looked at me, and sneered somethign like, "Black is your color, Xena." Before whooshing away.

Now why would he say something so redundant? Of course. Part of Bella's ability to get ahold of herself and channel her powers came from her affiliation with him. SHe probably connected with Cupid in such a way...he can't help but retain little clues. Of course. Dammit, I HATE when I don't get something right away.

Bella apparently wants me to fight her....see if I can't uncover the truth. She's waiting for me. Little blowhard that she is. And Cupid is connected to her now, so he is working with her.

Time to pay him a little visit!

man, Xena's gotten a lot more talkative over the course of this diary!

.........

I don't believe this. THere it is, a pendant, with part of MY CHAKRAM, hanging on this tree...near my camp, but who should be near it? Cupid. He doesn't look too happy. In fact I'll wager he is panicking right now.

Hmmmmm, time for some action hey?

I could almost feel sorry for that aggrivating winged god.
He whooshed away before I could question him. THen Hercules came over and told me that something was wrong with the gods...well him and Dite's Afro particularly. Dite's Afro has mysteriously disappeared in fact.

Hmm. Could it have something to do with....BELLA?

I swear I'm going to make her pay.

Done. At least TWO of the chakram pieces are back, well I think Eve's gone to get the third.
I hope so. Iolaus and I had a chuckle just now about Cupid's nightmare. That god has some pretty heavy paranoia going on...a billy goat haha...tempting as that is, I'm really not interested in that, although I may give him a WET willy or two for all the trouble he caused me!
Or maybe he's confusing me with my past self, the one who actually KILLED Jeremaiah...
Then again, under the influence of Bella....not to mention Jeremaiah, he's not been in the best of states. As big a pain as he is, I've never seen him be downright evil until recently.

Now to find HER and put this thing RIGHT. Someone like Bella I REALLY want to make suffer...Cupid? He's too stupid, it wouldn't be fun. Besides he's a pawn. Why waste perfectly good vengeance on a mere pawn?

Enough talk. I think I'll go ask Cupid if he'll tell me where she's hiding. He owes me that much!

Then I'll give him a wet willy.

That Eve...not that I'm ungrateful but I hope she saves SOME of that bitch for me! i've waited for this long enough.
Cupid told me where she was, nice of him...well Eve found her before I could, dammit, she's good at that, she takes after her mother that way...and Callisto. Clever.

Well I'll bide my time. She seems to have a good handle on Bella. Then again...it won't be long before I have MY say.

*insert battle cry here*