Tom's Xena Page    The Daily Scroll  Hop To Forum Categories  Secret  Hop To Forums  The Brothel    Untitled 2.2

Read-Only Read-Only Topic
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Untitled 2.2
 Login/Join 
Chief Chesty Forlock
Chief

Picture of Argeaux
posted
'It wasn' t her eye.' Toby was emphatic.

'Are you sure? I'm positive it was her eye.' Anabelle raised an eyebrow. She leaned back in the booth and rapidly took mini-sips of her overly hot chocolate.

'It was her nose. The nail went through her nose.'

'Either way I'm glad I wasn't there to see it.'

'I bet she's glad she didn't have her head down any lower. Otherwise it could have been her eye.'

'At least she's got a story to tell at parties for the rest of her life.'

Toby rocked back in time with his belly laugh. 'What if she hears someone else telling the story of the woman with the nail in her nostril and pipes up, That's me! I'm the nail girl?'

'You are too cruel.' Anabelle smirked and reached for the sugar. 'Anyone might think you had planned the whole thing.'

------------------------------

EXERCISE: Write eight lines of dialogue. Make them natural but not static - the reader must want to read on after the eight lines. They will have to set the scene and perhaps provide body movement. Think about how the characters will interact. The dialogue must HOOK the reader.
 
Posts: 5457 | Location: Oz | Registered: 22 June 2003Report This Post
<stranger>
posted
Well, this reader is hooked! Your characters have dimension. I felt like i was evesdropping on a conversation at a party. I read their lines and my mind is itching to put faces and bodies along with the dialogue. Often, when the text isn't powerful, one can read dialogue but never really see anything. You don't have that issue.

I really loved this part:

She leaned back in the booth and rapidly took mini-sips of her overly hot chocolate.

Doesn't that drive you nuts, when your drink is molten lava in a cup! Always happens to me. Maybe I don't have a coffee drinkers tongue!

Ever the voyer,
stranger.
 
Report This Post
  Powered by Social Strata  

Read-Only Read-Only Topic

Tom's Xena Page    The Daily Scroll  Hop To Forum Categories  Secret  Hop To Forums  The Brothel    Untitled 2.2

© YourCopy 2002