Some of my personal favourite funny quotes come from first seasons 'Altared States' where Gabrielle eats that weird nut bread...


X: “Have I made myself clear?”

G: “Uh, no. You’re a little fuzzy around the edges. So you keep trying-- You’ll get there.



AND



X: “What are you doing here? I thought I told you to wait for me at the cave.”

G: “I did, and then this rock told me I had to come find you..”

X: “The rock spoke to you?”

G: “Oh, yeah, I mean, his voice was a little gravelly, but I understood.

A few of my favs are: A Day In the Life when Xena useses Gab's scroll as toilet paper and Gab says " You used my scroll"! And in Fins, Femmes, Gems when Gab says "She wants me to fist a fish". And in Sickness and In hell when Xena calls Gab "Scabriella". WXF

This message has been edited. Last edited by: WXF,

There are so many quotes that I love, it is hard to pick my favorite. Here is one of them at least. It is from the season 5 episod, "Seeds of Faith":

Ares: I wish I'd known you were looking for a father.
Xena: I'm not.
Ares: *looking her over* Well, obviously someone got the job.
Xena: That'd be Gabrielle.
Ares: ...I would've paid to see that.

And in Sickness and In hell when Xena calls Gab "Scabriella". WXF [/QUOTE]

What exactly does that mean by th way? "Scabrielle"? I mean,what is Xena referring to? What word got mixed up with "Gabrielle"?

Scab = Gab

Coz she is covered in scabs.

But not eaten by scabs.

Ahaaaa! Now I get it! Haha,good one!

Besides I love the whole "I don't have lice!" thing.
I think it's hilarious! Espaecially those ones:

>I don't want you near the food, a lice infested rabbit is not on my diet. Xena: I don't have lice. It's dandruff, it's a minor scalp irritation, that's all.<

> Joxer- I just thought you liked being filthy, made you look tough or something. Xena: I'm not filthy. Hey, I'm not the one who has the lice. Xena: I don't have lice! <

>Give it a rest Gabrielle. Gabrielle: Not until you clean up your act Xena. Hey, I'm not the one with the fungus among us. Gabrielle: Oh, that's poetic. Did one of your bug friends whisper that in your ear?<


And the one when Xena's acting crazy in the Furies. >Don't be redicilous Melvis!<
That Melvi-thing always gets me!!

But I think that there are soooo many totally funny moments in the show,that it's hard to choose a favourite one.

Actually, I think the name she says is Mavis.

But yes, Lucy Lawless does comedy well.

Yeah well,might be Mavis.
For I'm German I don't know the English version well...yet!

Did anyone here watch the"Vagina Monologue" by the way? ...oops,maybe that should be a new topic in another "scroll" *g*

off the top of my head...okay fine, I had to look up the quotes. I haven't watched a Xena episode in a really long time...

From A Day In the Life-
Minya: The whip is mine, frying pan's yours. Hower is mine, she's yours.

From Warrior...Princess...Tramp (this was has everything to do with voice and delivery)-
Leah: Oh Hestia. If denying the flesh is the path to true rightousness, then what lesson can I learn from these wanton strumpets?

Another of my favourites lines is from second seasons Miss Amphipolis


Xena: “Beauty contest? You sent urgent word for us to come and see some underdressed, over-developed bimbos in a beauty contest?”

Salmoneous: “Pageant-- it’s called a pageant.”

Gabrielle: “Contest, pageant. It’s a feeble excuse for men to exploit and degrade women.”

Salmoneous: “Wrong as usual, Miss Sunshine. Since when do we ever need an excuse?”

BTDT
Xena - "No, no, yes, no. I tried that. Yes, both ways. No, I
don't know. No, again. Are there any more questions? Good."

Warrior...Princess
Diana - "This? It’s my round killing thing.”
Gabrielle - “Chakram.”
Diana - “Bless you. I use it to fight evil.”

WARRIOR...PRIESTESS...TRAMP
Gabrielle to Leah - "Believe me. If I have to go the rest of my life without companionship,
knowing myself wouldn't be a problem.

From Royal Couple of Thieves

Of course the trick to killing somebody with an apricot --is really in the wrist. The drawback is that it kills instantly so there's no time to gather information. So for situations like that, well--I use a muffin.

lol, what a fun thread . i love that BTDT one too

the one that always cracks me up with it's simplicity, "the quill is mightier":

"gabrielle awoke with a jerk."



(i've probably stuffed that up, but you know what i mean)

Another favourite Quote is from Second Seasons Warrior...Princess...Tramp

When Diana and Meg are both pretending to be Xena to get the baby back.....

Diana pretending to be Xena: “Hold it right there! I’m coming to get that baby. And anyone who tries to stop me is going to eat my sword. Oh! But wait! I still have my round killing thing.”

Meg pretending to be Xena: “Hold it, right there! In the blink of an eye I can split
the skull of anyone who moves with my trusty... shamrock!”

The REAL Xena: “Guess which one I am”

Discord: Well if it isn't the ever titilating Aphrodite. I almost didn't recognise you with your legs so close together.

Just doing my bit to run the thread into the ground

I can't believe no one has mentioned this quote yet from "A Day in the Life"

"Can we cook with your juices?!"

LOL Their all awesome quotes, some very talented writers there

Another Favs this time from Lost Mariner...

Gabrielle: "No! You don’t understand the danger. This is a boat-- on water. Water, boat, my stomach-- We don’t mix very well. So, unless you want a quick and colorful deck-washing, I suggest you put me on a boat for shore!"

and when Xena asks if shes OK...

Gabrielle:"Yeah, I’m fine. I’m-- seasick. I’m cursed. Actually, I’m really seasick."

I just gotta mention a quote from Gabrielle in Season 1's Dreamworker...

Gabrielle:"Its not like your breasts aren't dangerous enough!"

LOL!!! Yeah, that is a really good one, Amazon Hippy!

This is pretty good as well. Especially if you read something totally different in it... Not hard for me, being the kinky swede and all... *big grin*

Gabrielle: "For once, Xena, I'd like to be the
Roman noble and you be the slave."
from Legacy

LOL...GREAT quote...Now that I would love to see



More quotes...

From 'The Quest'... gotta love the things Autolycus comes out with...

Autolycus:"Choose the one drink you wouldn’t give your worst enemy, and give me a double"


*When Xena's in his body telling him what to do*

Autolycus:"Would you calm down? There’s barely enough room up here for my paranoia"

My alltime fave was just used...dammit...I'm too late...not surprised...

The one where Gabrielle tells Leah knowing herself wouldn't be a problem.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amazon Hippy:

_Autolycus:"Choose the one drink you wouldn’t give your worst enemy, and give me a double"

---

That is one cool thing to use when your ordering at the bar... I gotta try that!

From the Comedy of Eros... When Xena falls for draco, draco for gabrielle, gabrielle for joxer....

Xena knocks Draco out...

Xena:"I’m sorry, Sweetie, that hurt me a lot more than it hurt you. ‘Sweetie’? Did I say, ‘Sweetie’? I’ve never used that word in my life before. But, he’s so cute. Joxer! you know what to do. Hurry, there’s no time to lose!”

Gabrielle: Getting sand up the wazoo makes me kind of edgy.
Xena: I hate it when that happens.