THREAD UPDATE NOTE: 6/14/18
This thread was originally an "All About Johnny Depp" type thread, meant for commentary on both personal and professional aspects of his life. Hence the first several pages of it. Due to the latest Scroll rules which require posts more fitting to the topics of forums(i.e. "Movies"),etc., I have been asked to change it so that it pertains to his movies alone. If anyone wishes to respond to my earlier posts or have an open discussion about any other things Johnny Depp, feel free to either PM me or email me(my email is in my profile.)
Thanks! Enjoy!

I saw "The Brave," finally!

Johnny Depp wrote that screenplay with his brother and directed the thing--AND was the star of it. Talk about um--brave?? And it was an amazing piece of work.

I love the way it ended. I won't spoil anything. But--think of the great old movie "Notorious," staring Ingrid Bergman, Claude Reins(sp??) and Cary Grant. Johnny always loved his old movies. Anyway--that's just a li'l teaser!

The Brave is about a guy that signs up to do a "snuff" movie(where people actually DIE onscreen)--so that he can make some money for his family to get out of the hell hole they're all living in. Johnny's character Raphael, is of Native American descent(hence "The Brave"). I believe his wife is of Latino origins, though. Alot of people in Raphael's community are also Latino--not entirely Native American. The point is, it's a dirt poor area where people trash-pick to get anything of any value, or sell/steal things--whatnot. In addition to his wife Rita, Raphael has two kids, a boy and a girl. Anywho--overall, it's not a nice situation. the little "village" they all live in is about to be dumped into the ground by the government. So, this priest(Clarence Williams III) is asked to help Raphael get the money to his family once the snuff movie is made and Raphael, well, dies. Of course, being a priest, the guy is like, "HUH???" He don't wanna have anything to do with someone committing the mortal sin of suicide and him, a priest HELPING him do that.

Marlon Brando is the guy that runs the snuff movie company. He's amazing. Just stunning. Not that we don't know that though!

Johnny's performance is probably one of the best I have seen him do.

Highly recommended!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

Btw, I got "The Brave" on Amazon for not a bad price, considering it had to be imported from--I think, Japan?? There's a lot of symbols on there, either Japanese or Chinese--I'm terrible, cuz I never was able to get them right. But I got that version cuz it plays on every DVD player. I think it cost about 20.00 or some such. Worth it, though!

Now. Change of topic--WHAT is going on with the Heard? Are they getting divorced or what?? You can never ascertain the whole story, cuz every time you look up Johnny on Google, you get tabloids. And the stories are always contradicting themselves--one minute everything is hunky dory, they're posing in Australia together in order to quash split rumors--then, up they come again. I have a feeling it's almost over. I mean--look at those two, really. Do they actually look happy? In recent pics, Johnny just looks like he'd rather be home sleeping. Lmao. The Heard either looks like she's scored a million bucks(well, more than that, literally! ) or she looks bored outa her skull.

Hopefully he'll move on down the tracks. At least he stays active!!! That Black Mass movie looks amazing. The trailer--yikes!!! Check it out...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE3e3hGF2jc

No, you will not recognize him, either! Those blue contacts he wore--I must say they are two of the best god dam contacts I ever seen in my life! Anything that can cover those chocolate brown dreams and look natural--these costumers more than know what they're doing.

Ok,not liking all the code on the thread description, just cuz I edited it a li'l--wonder why that happens anywho?? No mods to fix it either. Ahhhh vell!

Good. Code is gone. Anyway...

Johnny never seemed to have good luck with women. While it seemed Vanessa Paradis was his best bet, after all, he had kids with her and stayed with her for 13 years(record-breaking, considering the shorter relationships he had in the past), there had to be a reason they broke up, other than the Heard. Yes, I know her name is Amber, lol, but I make no bones about dissing her. I strongly agree with many who feel she is USING Johnny for his fortune AND his status. I don't think she's capable of loving him. Is she capable of loving anybody? Who knows. But something about that woman just rubs me the wrong way. I liked Vanessa. I liked Winona Ryder back in the day--even had a li'l crush on her then lol! But Amber--uh, no. Kate Moss seemed cool enough, didn't get a chance to read too much about their relationship other than the obvious biz about him trashing the hotel room while arguing with her, and getting arrested--ugh! Anyway, my point is, I hope he finds someone who not only loves him, but accepts him for who he TRULY is, inside and out. I'd be lying if I said I don't wish it were me, lol! But realistically speaking? I know what my chances probably are. I just hope he gets the happiness he deserves. One thing I can tell about him--when he loves someone, he goes wholeheartedly into it! Not many people exist on Earth that you can say that about all the time.

His daughter is stunning! I hope she doesn't get caught up in the rat race though. She never looks happy in those pics she takes. Definitely wanna see Yoga Hosers!

Recently I've been purchasing Instant Videos of 21 Jump Street, from Amazon.

So far, I have gotten thru Season 1, Season 2, and most of Season 3.

For those who remember that show--omg, look at it now, and remember! The 80's! Big hair! Ronald Reagan! No cell phones, so if you're stuck in the middle of nowhere, you're screwed!

Johnny's character Tom Hanson was (gasp) a REPUBLICAN????

AND he was a straight-up golden boy who wanted to be a cop cuz his father was--and his dad was killed in the line of duty, so that was even more of an incentive.

He liked BOWLING for crying out loud! Lmao!

Being that I can't imagine Johnny being into any of the above, I'd say that was some KILLER acting, IMHO!

No WONDER he hated that show, though--

It occurred to me that despite the sources being tabloids, there has to be a reason all these divorce rumors between Johnny and the Heard keep going strong. I mean--okay, they show up in Brisbane, Australia, seemingly to quash the rumors in their tracks. They're holding hands, and she looks like a cat content with her cream, but where's the love? He just looked like he'd been forced to take her with him, and he would rather be holed up somewhere than with her. Another important fact--he was missing for a week before they came out in Brisbane all seemingly hunky-dory. Why was he missing? Probably just needed a break to get his head on straight. He even put his job on the line! He must have really needed that break.

I think the reason he went to Brisbane with her is because, if they confirm the divorce is actually gonna happen, the press will be all over both of them--how Kim Kardashian, to end a marriage after only two months!! And all that! Ugh--and Johnny knows he doesn't just have himself to think about either. His kids would be hounded--maybe not Jack, cuz he seems pretty sequestered, but the press would be all over poor Lily Rose, on the eve of her career. I can see them coming up with all kinds of ideas as to WHY Johnny and Amber would split up after only two months. Can you hear them now? "Hey Lily, did you finally break your father's back and convince him to dump Amber, even though they officially tied the knot two months ago??"

Or something like that??

No. Johnny did not want that for her. So--he opted to pretend it was all cool with him and the Heard. Whatever divorce happened--he was prepared to wait at least a year before he announced anything about it.

When you think about it, it kinda does make sense.

Problem is--the press kinda caught on--or someone let something slip.

What's a man to do?? I think in the end, things will come to a head, probably sooner than Johnny might have planned. How long can he go on like this? This is the worst relationship he has ever had--absolutely without love, honor, or anything of the sort--despite the marriage vows.

I can only hope he just gets his true happiness and passion back! Lily and Jack need THAT, probably more than they need to be protected from the press.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

Okay. So, Johnny's got a problem. A big problem. His doggies are about to be killed in Australia, if they are not taken back to the U.S. in less than 50 hours now.

Apparently, neither Johnny NOR the Heard complied with the rules and registered the two Yorkies, Pistol and Boo, and whatever else they had to do to ensure that their babies could hang out there while Johnny works on "Pirates 5."

I can see Barnaby Joyce's point on one thing. Johnny and the Heard should have done what they had to do. Those doggies don't deserve the trauma they are going through now. All this could have been avoided, and yes, no celebrity is exempt from the rules.

I don't know, nor do I have proof, that Johnny "deliberately" flouted the rules--there could be all kinds of reasons he didn't do what he was supposed to--confusion about what exactly was required--hell, all kinds of things. Still--it was a risk, bringing those doggies to another country. Personally, I wouldn't have done it. The travel stress alone would have held me back from bringing any of my cats to a foreign country, ever.

But hey, it's Johnny's choice! I do wish he'd followed the rules though, if only to give those cuties a nice time in Australia instead of the hell they're dealing with now.

EUTHENASIA, however? REALLY, Mr. Joyce?? Are you actually gonna kill two innocent dogs merely in the name of enforcing the rules?? Even if neither Johnny nor Amber comply with your 50 hour order--to kill those dogs?? They're already there! Whatever "diseases" they may have brought with them(and apparently, they HAVE been fully vaccinated--at least according to the Heard...) have already been risked. So what is the point, really?? Can't you just hold them in your little quarantine and keep them comfy? WHY do you have to threaten to KILL them? Would you really do it??

Ugh. That's just animal cruelty. Rules are rules, I get it--but these dogs shouldn't have to pay for that.

So. Apparently, the Heard is in negotiations with the authorities. That's nice, but I wonder if she thought of something--a perfect solution that, if she were standing in front of me now, I would have suggested to her. Here goes:

"Hey! Amber! Here's a novel idea! Why don't YOU take the dogs back to the States yourself?? It's not like YOU have a schedule to adhere to like Johnny does. You're not working right now! All you're there in Australia to do is go around trying to "quash" rumors of divorce between you two(not that I'm buying the attempt, but we've been through that. ). So, Amber, how about it? Do it for the doggies. Save their lives. Rather than 'negotiate' for them to stay in the Gold Coast, just do the right thing and take them home. Whaddya think, Amber?? Sound like an intelligent idea??"

It does to ME!

I really hope she takes them back home. I don't wanna see those poor babies die.

I don't think even the producers and director of Pirates would freak out if Johnny took time off himself to take the dogs home. He has, however, missed alot of work, due to his hand injury AND failing to show up on time cuz he was missing for a week. The responsibility really should be the Heard's. She has the time. He doesn't, really. But if she doesn't do it, if she's not smart enough to think of that--I am sure Johnny will do SOMETHING to save his four-legged children!!!

http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/14/...tralia-dog-deadline/

I hope it all works out for the doggies' sakes!

Update: Johnny and the Heard are apparently taking the dogs home Friday(Australian time) night, a.k.a I think tonight, in U.S. time. Cool. Here's a question though--why is JOHNNY the one that Joyce keeps going after? What--does the Heard have NOTHING to do with it at ALL???

He could have a hefty fine, and that wouldn't break him, but they also mentioned 10 years jail time? Puh-lease. If Heard doesn't get the same punishment he does, I'll be mega-pissed. There's something that doesn't smell right here.

http://www.tmz.com/2015/05/14/...lia-killed-put-down/

And then there's THIS:...

http://www.theguardian.com/fil...s-says-barnaby-joyce

Again! Johnny did it, it's all Johnny's fault. Just blame it all on Johnny. He is not blameless. But Heard needs to answer for her own actions too....and that is really creepy, that "stateless" crap...

Just leave the man alone and let him take his dogs back home, and make sure the hefty fine is split by BOTH of them--not just Johnny. ugh!

Hopefully there's no more issue with these poor doggies...

It's been awhile since I posted here(ooo, miss me? *crickets*)

Ok, so Johnny's doggies are safe and the Heard took them home along with her dad. Thank God!

They're still talking about making Johnny and the Heard pay hefty fines or worse, but at least they're including the Heard in those threats...at last.

NOW? The tabloids have gone completely INSANE!!!

First, there was allegations that Johnny--get this--WALKED OFF THE SET of the Pirates movie, ABANDONED his role as Jack Sparrow completely--to go back home to Los Angeles and SAVE HIS MARRIAGE????

Then?? His publicist, Michael Singer, came on board and said that none of that is based in reality. In other words?? A COMPLETE fallacy, folks.

Ok. HOW much fun are the people who write this crap having right now? They are probably peeing themselves laughing at all the people who must--surely--be tearing their hair out wondering what the REAL story is.

Personally, I think it's funny anymore, lol. But hell, Johnny Depp's publicist is who he is. If he's quoted as saying it's a load of crap, it's a load of crap.

AS IF???? Johnny would WALK OFF a MOVIE set??? To save THAT marriage???

Even if he really does love the Heard...and come on, everyone knows that old saying, "A picture speaks a thousand words"......he's not gonna friggin' screw over Disney and mess up his job obligations, even if he is having a really hard time with life right now.

Lily Rose's birthday is coming up. She's gonna be Sweet Sixteen. He will probably go home for that, but I am more than certain it'll be at a time when he's not needed on the movie set.

ARRRRG! Ok enough of this. I want Yoga Hosers, dammit, lol. I want Black Mass. I want new movies!

I may buy Mortdecai on Amazon, lol. Just cuz--Ynot? I betcha dollars to donuts it's really a cool film. Just cuz some people are Johnny-haters now--doesn't mean they were right about the movie sucking. And hey. I actually really liked the Lone Ranger. Transcendence was great, although the story is so sad, I can't watch it all the time--depressing. And before anyone(i.e. the crickets, lol...) says I'm being biased cuz I'm an obvious "fangirl," lemme at least say honestly that The Tourist really didn't show Johnny off at all. Angelina Jolie--bah. She's lovely and all, and a fine actress, but the story was kinda silly, and she and Johnny have no onscreen chemistry. None.

Guess y'all know by now that for obvious reasons, I will never watch The Rum Diary.

CARRY ON, LURKERS!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

Ain't nobody gonna put my Johnny in jail. No way.

They are just using SCARE TACTICS to try to frig with everybody's head.

But here's a thought that occurred to me. Despite my obvious opinions about Heard the Terd, I strongly suspect that I am correct in this.

SHE probably smuggled the dang doggies into the country. Johnny was friggin' missing for a week before he ended up in Brisbane with her. Right? He was not in the best of states of mind, his whole appearance and body language spoke volumes. How would HE know the doggies were in the bag?? He was probably so out of it, and the doggies were hidden somewhere in the back of the jet...so here's the deal. Heard the Terd wants his money. What better way to get it than to have her hubby thrown in jail?

What would Xena do? Hmmm...let's see...

"Amber--I have just cut off the flow of blood to your brain. You have thirty seconds to live. Now. Two choices. Either fess up about the dogs, and how YOU smuggled them in, and take the consequences they are trying to give Johnny. OR? Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!"

Just a cotton-pickin' minute here....

What the HELL was I thinking? Sheesh, everyone is talking about JOHNNY facing 10 years??? What about, um, Amber??? Won't SHE get ten years?

And why--just why--won't the PILOT get ten years???

They are talking about TWO years for the pilot, who was obviously involved in the doggie smuggling. HUH??? TWO YEARS?

And Johnny gets TEN???

Er--anyone remember Homey the Clown?

*bops Barnaby Joyce and all other Australian Authority Figures on the head*

"I DON'T THINK SO!"

Gabrielle's take:

"It's unjust, by the gods! Let all who broke the law serve the same time. Otherwise, I will blow smoke in your face, OR just whack you with my big stick!!!"

Aphrodite's Take:

"AS IF??? WHere's the LOVE, people?"

Ares's Take:

"Oooh goodie, a chance to kick some butt! ANY butt! After all, I am the God of War--why not?"

Joxer's Take:

"Huh????"

Xena's take:

"I'm gonna ask you a very simple question, Mr. Barnaby Joyce. Do you feel lucky? Because--oops, just cut off the flow of blood to your brain..."

Zeus's Take:

"Humans are just a bunch of imbeciles. Pass the grapes..."

And last but not least--

KATE'S TAKE!!!!

"Attention, Amber Heard? Amber Heard? You have an urgent message from someone who claims to have found your diary on the private jet you smuggled the dogs on. Apparently, said diary includes details about how you never told your husband you were bringing Pistol and Boo, and were hoping the scandal behind that would alleviate from the OTHER thing written in your diary--about how you used to be a man, but you had full transgender surgery because, in high school, you actually killed somebody and wanted to hide behind a new identity, to protect your butt from going to jail yourself! Amber Heard, please come to the front desk please, and tell us ALLLLL About it!!!"

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

News of the doggie trials has slowed down some, so here' an update on the latest:

Johnny went home to L.A.(with Heard the Terd of course..) to celebrate Lily-Rose's sweet 16. Only Lily Rose, being one of the utmost in cool teenagers(they said she got her "quirky" ssnse of humor from her dad, which wouldn't surprise me...) posted pics of a party she had with a bunch of her friends, and one picture was called "My Sour Sixteen" lmao, that just says it all. Check her out with the picture with the long white dress and the onion necklace on it...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs...eet-16-birthday.html

The "sour sixteen" thing ain't exactly all a joke tho--she has to be miserable with someone like THAT terd as a stepmom(). Anywho. So ok--this article is WEEEEEIRD in the 3rd degree. Why? Cuz it has this whole interesting story about how Johnny, Heard the Terd, Vanessa, Lily-Rose, Jack and maybe some other family were all there at this restaurant called Ago in L.A. to celebrate with Lily. Right?? However. The pics of Johnny and Heard the Terd are non-existant!!! Soooo--who knows WHO was there? I know one thing. Johnny had to have been there, why would he miss? But it's intriguing how he and the Heard were not pictured with anybody. I think there was one pic of them apparently going into the restaurant together, but--that is really weird. No one was pictured together. Me wonders--was everybody REAAALY all together for this here gathering?

Hmmmm. Inquiring minds wanna know. Check out this article with the "inspiring" first sentence... and the headline, "Mom and Stepmom spend time with Johnny Depp to celebrate Lily Rose's Birthday" or whatever---

http://hollywoodlife.com/2015/...p-daughter-sweet-16/

Okay--REALLY? If they got along so well at the party, why could they not pose for pictures together? Very odd I must say.

Then again it's really weeeird that Johnny wasn't pictured too. Say what you will about them not wanting publicity in the wake of the dog crisis, but--i dunno. Something smells funny and it ain't dog poop!

Fast forward to now...

Johnny's back in Australia, having apparently taken the Heard with him. Australian officials searched the private jet for about an hour looking for doggies lmao, but found none. Oh well! So they moved on. Nothing really exciting is going on except that Johnny posed for pics with locals in the Jack Sparrow costume(one woman wore pyjamas..) and this "National Enquirer"(ho-hum) article about how Johnny "apparently" got drunk with Keith Richards, they both got tossed out of wherever they drank, and then Johnny brought Keith back to where he was with the Terd(the article says L.A. but um, isn't Johnny in Australia now?? ) Anywho, they partied on, and apparently the Terd was pissed but held her piece in front of Keith, then the next morning let Johnny have it. Lmao, whatever. The picture they have of Johnny and Keith could have been an old pic. Who even knows? It's entertaining, all of it. And then there's that lovely thing called...PHOTOSHOP!

http://www.nationalenquirer.co...ny-depp-deep-trouble

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

Russell. Brand. Is EPIC!!!!!

Even Xena couldn't top this one! ROTFLMAO!

http://www.smh.com.au/entertai...20150604-ghgc7p.html

RIP, Sir Christopher Lee. :'(

Johnny greatly admired this man, and was honored to work with him in the two Tim Burton films mentioned in this article. I was also reminded that Mr. Lee was in the Dark Shadows movie. Need to watch that again as it's been awhile!

He was indeed a very funny guy, and should have been recognized for his comedy talent as well as Dracula and the Hammer films.

Great article!

http://www.abqjournal.com/5977...-dies-at-age-93.html

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

Ahhhh, that Heard. I love it when I'm right sometimes...

http://gossipandgab.com/75440/...amber-heard-tells-us

Ok...Really?? Her marriage to Johnny is a fairly organic process. It sounds like she's baking a loaf of bread. And then--let's get back to the important things, shall we? I.e. Amber herself. Her career, her "fiercely independent spirit" and most of all, her *fear* about losing her freedom.

I think I'll let this tidbit say it for me here....

http://www.torontosun.com/2015...y-dumbness-this-week

Thanks, Liz!!!

Now. Onto the IMPORTANT things, right? I saw Nick of Time and Donnie Brasco in the same week. Amazing movies. Here's my take on both:

NICK OF TIME

Johnny is an accountant named Gene Watson who starts off the movie by being late for work. He brings his 6 year old daughter on the Amtrak train to L.A. because they had to be in San Diego for his soon-to-be ex wife's funeral--not sure how she died, but it's not that poignant. So anyway, Gene gets to L.A. with his daughter Lynn whom he has no choice but to bring with him. Everything is pretty routine, he just has to use a pay phone to make a call to his job(pre-cell phone age, folks!) SUDDENLY! Christopher Walken(Mr. Smith) and Roma Maffia(Ms. Jones), pretending to be police officers, descend upon Gene and Lynn. They kidnap them, and tell Gene they will kill Lynn if he doesn't bump off the governor of California Eleanor Grant(Marsha Mason). Whoa! What's Gene to do? Well, a lot of shenanagans, that's what. Gene doesn't go around bumping off governors, let alone people in general. It's not what he does. But he loves his little girl so much, he doesn't know what to do. Nevertheless,, he'll do anything, just anything, to expose these two crazies, Smith and Jones, and get his little Lynn safely back in his arms--and leave the governor intact, thank you very much! See Huey, a regular shoe-shining man(Charles S. Dutton) get in on the action too--and watch what happens as the story unfolds. Gripping! Scary! That Christopher Walken--whoa! He can do psycho even better than Johnny in Secret Window and Sweeney Todd, and that's saying something! Johnny--I just wanted to hug him AND his daughter(played really amazingly by Courtney Chase), and tell them everything will be all right. Talk about making me really care about the characters! Great story all the way around!

Apparently this movie didn't get very good reviews. I am guessing it's only because there wasn't a lot of back story on Smith and Jones and why not only they, but EVERYONE wanted to kill this poor governor Eleanor Grant. It would have been helpful to have a little flashback I guess, other than just vague reasons like "broken promises" to people of California...I mean sheesh, practically EVERYONE was involved in wanting to kill this woman! Except Johnny, Lynn, Huey the shoe shine man, a few scattered other pedestrians--and of course Governor Grant herself! Marsha Mason was really on target in this movie. Great acting. I used to see her in TV movies and think she overacted quite a bit--but in this one, she gave just as much as was needed. Charles S. Dutton--always stellar, always funny even in the scariest moments. He was also with Johnny in Secret Window. He's an amazing talent!

Highly recommended! 5 Stars

DONNIE BRASCO

Johnny plays Donnie Brasco the "jeweler," a.k.a. Joe Pistone, undercover FBI agent investigating the Mafia. He gets friendly with Lefty, played by Al Pacino. Lefty can't seem to get a break within his "family" of mobsters. They keep passing him by. But he loves his friend "Donnie." In turn, Lefty gets under Joe "Donnie" Pistone's skin. So much so, that Joe gets emotionally involved in this case, and neglects his three young daughters, and his wife, played by Anne Heche. Not that he's not always neglecting that family in one way or another, thanks to job demands, but this one is especially tough on him. The movie is amazingly funny in the right spots, meant to piss you off in other spots--cry in important spots, whatnot. Lefty has 30 years experience in the mob, and not once has any "boss" given him any higher rank, which is defined as being "made." The result--Lefty and Donnie get to watch all these other guys get up there, and one made guy even moves in and takes Donnie under his wing, away from Lefty. Joe "Donnie" has no choice but to let this happen--he still has his job to do!!! Lefty is hurt, of course, but won't take Donnie out for it. The powerful bond between these two men is the strong point of the story, as well as the love that is still underlying between Joe Pistone and his wife. The conflict is perfect in every way. Spot on acting by all! And based on a true story.

Uber Highly Recommended! 5 and 1/2 Stars. FUGGETABUTIT!!!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

i seem some hot pics of Amber Heard, so i may make her an xc wife & take her off Johnny's hands.

Right now Rose McIvercrazed is xc wife #1 with Mary Elizabeth Winsteadcrazed 2nd & Amy Adamscrazed in 3rd. Amber will have to take a number til it's her turn to please the xc. And the other xc wives all have their numbers & are anxiously waitin. Either that or they tryin to escape the harem.

quote:

Originally posted by xenacrazed:
i seem some hot pics of Amber Heard, so i may make her an xc wife & take her off Johnny's hands.

Right now Rose McIvercrazed is xc wife #1 with Mary Elizabeth Winsteadcrazed 2nd & Amy Adamscrazed in 3rd. Amber will have to take a number til it's her turn to please the xc. And the other xc wives all have their numbers & are anxiously waitin. Either that or they tryin to escape the harem.

Yayyy!!! xc frees Johnny from the Heard!

She'll probably enjoy herself quite alot, and as an added bonus, she gets to look at all the other hot wives, bein' bisexual and all!

Now I can make Johnny a full-on husband! Whoohoo!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

I think I'm gunna make a top 10 list of all the best Johnny movies, at least according to my tastes!

It should be a helluva lot better than that other dude who decided to "rank" Johnny's movies cuz "Somebody had to do it." I mean--the guy wouldn't ever RANK "The Brave" because of all the "controversy" surrounding Johnny's Native American heritage. HUH??? Ok...so why did he even mention "The Brave" at all if he wasn't gunna rank it? Why even bother ranking Johnny's movies at all if you can't be non-biased and screw what people say--is he or isn't he a descendent of the Cherokees or Creek? Who cares? Jeeeeez...

Ok rant over. As soon as I decide what I like best, I shall post it--WITHOUT bias--except of course for The Rum Diary. I will allow myself that indulgence at least.

I will get on my movie list soon, but I want to be fair and see if I can make sure my collection is complete. It occurred to me I have not seen Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, among very few others, including Mortdecai which I did purchase on Amazon. Recently I have become almost obsessed with Alice in Wonderland, and Johnny's amazing Mad Hatter creation! I love his costume and ideas behind it--I LOVE his watercolors--and most of all I love his portrayal. There are two sides to the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's "Alice,"--the side that is completely bonkers, around the bend, mad(but all the best people are, after all )...and then there's this AWESOME Scottish warrior who wants revenge on the Red Queen for the destruction of the White Queen's court. Wow! And his affinity with the nearly adult Alice--it's adorable. I love the idea to make her nineteen and confined by a stringent society where she is "expected" to marry this really pompous butthole lord named Hamish(what kinda name is that anywho? ), wear corsets, stockings and overall, not be "distracted" by white rabbits in waistcoats or wondering what it is like to fly. The idea that Wonderland can follow someone into adulthood and not be confined to merely a child's fancies--is amazing. The cast was spot on, and Tim Burton is at his best! Highly recommended.

Unfortunately, much as I hate to say this, I couldn't get through Mortdecai. I will probably watch the rest of it just to see how it ends, but before that I had to at least discuss exactly why I didn't like it. It wasn't Johnny or anything he did with the character. Johnny would have been marvelous--maybe even perfect--but for some glaring problems with the whole movie in general.

First, the script. How contrived can you get? Those lines--I mean, let's just TRY to make Johnny funny, shall we? I mean--really TRY. Never mind that he is perfectly capable of being funny on his own, no, this character has to be HILARIOUS! Let's write these--GREAT lines for him! REALLY try hard! Unfortunately that "trying" was what ruined the punchline every time.

The mustache jokes everyone is byotching about in the reviews didn't even bother me as much as the other silly "jokes" and the pace. Johnny's portrayal didn't strike me as contrived or "just a cheap imitation of all his other weird characters" as one reporter said words to the effect of. No. The PACE of the movie and the script, the STORY(why is Johanna(Gwynneth Paltrow), Charlie Mortdecai's "beloved wife," so very interested in his case when she could care less about her husband and would turn on him almost completely because of a MUSTACHE? Well--*POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT*--methinks it was probably SHE who stole the Goya painting in the first place and maybe even had the old lady killed. Adds an element of predictability there, which doesn't do much for the movie's credibility I'm afraid.)

When it all comes down to it--alot of it was the director choice. Come on--David KOEPP??? Okay he directed action films like Lost World, and he was intriguing in his approach to the dark and broody Secret Window, a movie I watch almost once a week, thanks to Johnny's stunning portrayal of the devastated writer-turned-psycho Mort Rainey. But--a comedy caper mystery??? Come on, Koepp. Every director has his/her limits. Why couldn't they get someone like, say, the one who directed the Pink Panther movies if he's still around, or the one who directed the Austin Powers movies, Jay Roach? Why Koepp? It just didn't fit. Parts of it looked like it wanted to be serious, but just couldn't cut the mustard because let's face it, it ain't serious, folks! It's a romp! It's gotta move, and at a quick, steady pace. Nah--between Koepp and whoever wrote that infernal script--Mortdecai was severely maligned, moreso by the makers of it than even the critics themselves.

Sad, really. It sucks when Johnny is not shown off to his best in movies. Even the most exquisite actor or actress in the world can't always save a terrible movie--you crickets might have seen my earlier review on the Tourist. Angelina Jolie and Johnny, great actors that they are, just couldn't save that sadly silly story. And, they were the wrong match for each other--no chemistry. Grossly miscast as love interests.

Oh well! All I can say is one thing. Johnny shouldn't have had to take the rap for Mortdecai's unpopularity. He really would have looked fabulous if it had been approached in a much more suitable-to-capers kinda way. Hey, the story isn't bad, not really--if you tweak it up a little bit, make it less predictable, have better LINES for the actors to say, and overall a different director? Yeah, that could have been amazing. Truly.

Paul Bettany did rock. His "Jock" was my favorite character. The rest--meh. Gwynneth Paltrow. She was better in her heyday, especially in "Shakespeare in Love." More meh on the rest, except poor Johnny, flailing around trying to make this movie work, God, he even PRODUCED it! But as someone who produces staged operas, I know the rule of Honor the Director's Vision--even if I myself pen the project.

Sorry, my love! <3 May Black Mass, which is getting amazing reviews for the trailers alone, at least give you the RESPECT and presentation you deserve, and allow you to work your magic on a movie worth your salt.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

Amber Heardcrazed is not co-operating! When i went to get her to take to my xc bed chamber, she screamed so loud she scared the other xc wives- and they's already scared cuz of me!

She was then sedated- as all xc wives are- but still she put up a fight. i had Danica Patrickcrazed beat her to a pulp but still she wouldn't submit. *sigh*

If this keeps up i'll have to give her back to JohnE Depp. If he wants her...

Sooo, back to movies, I get paid tomorrow. One of the first things I will do(besides pay overdue bills...) is get Fear and Loathing on Amazon, and really do a thorough scan to be sure I have EVERY Johnny movie known to man. At one point after my movie list, I will get back to my 21 Jump Street watchin' so I can rate which three shows(those starrin' Johnny that is! ) are the best for each season. Or, I'll narrow it down to one per season if I can...

What irks me? On YouTube, I have tried to play that damn "Great White Open" vid by Tom Petty which Johnny was so amazing in. But for some really weird reason, it cuts off before the song ends! Wtf??? Well--at least I finally figured out that that was Faye Dunaway starring in it with Johnny, as his manager. But I used to love watchin' that on MTV, especially when Johnny goes back to the tattoo artist all burned out at the end, and the guy just grins at him, kinda knowingly lmao.

There's prolly a part one and two for that vid that I gotta look for--one wonders just why there's a necessity for that--the song ain't THAT long, is it?

Ah well! More laters!

I saw a release date for Yoga Hosers listed as June 1st, but is that correct? Cuz I sure as hell am not seeing it in Philly theaters, and it's July already!

Should probably look that up again and find out what the flark is goin' on here....

Ain' no Yoga Hosers anywhere! How odd! Did someone decide to do a repeat of "The Brave" and not release it cuz of some dufus givin' it a bad review? Hope not...cuz I ain't even seen a trailer!

Now, Lily-Rose is reportedly starring in a music vid, and earlier this week, she was seen advertising Chanel or something again, with Vanessa.

Meanwhile the constant flip-flops of the Heard and Johnny happy/divorcing/happy joy/train wreck/fairly normal/messy messy/Heard seen in London drunk without Johnny/Organic process...

And meanwhile back on the ranch...KATE burns a stick of incense while waiting for Johnny to come to the bed chamber which is complete with rose petals, candles, passionate romantic music...

Omg--this almost made me cry! :')

http://www.washingtonpost.com/...e495e9b78_video.html

You see--THIS is what Johnny is all about. Anyone who gets confuzzled by all that other nonsense only needs to see this vid, and know that THIS is why he does what he does. Not to make money--to make SMILES!

Love you, baby! Got a special oil ready for you in the bed chamber....