a friend sent me these via email. also, can i get an "amen!" to the art one?? sometimes it IS just that simple.

enjoy

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A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black, totally naked men sitting on a bench.Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society."In fact," he pointed out, "some serious art critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said,"Would you like to know what the painting is really about?""Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all.They're just three Irish coal-miners.

The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

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Joe rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.Joe smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe.Poor Joe breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely.Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed Joe stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They're full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they're firm and don't sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"

Clearing his throat once again, Joe stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."

ROTFLMFAO!!! *gasps for breath* Oh, I love jokes like this!!! Great! Just great!

For his birthday lil Patrick asked his father for a bike. His father said "Son. we`d give you one but the mortgage on the house is £80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There is no way we can afford it"
The next day the father saw Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase so he asked "Son, where are you going?"
Lil Patrick turned to him & said "I was walking past your room last night & I heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too, and I`ll be damned if i`m staying here by myself with an £80,000 mortgage & no f**king bike."