This is what I submitted for the first semester of my Master of Arts in Creative Writing.

It's just over 2000 words in length, which is about five A4 pages (just so you know how long it will take to read).

It is an extract from the novel I am writing.

For those who are interested.

------------------------------------------------

It was dusk, I thought. The light was hazy. Dark, but not quite. My head felt rusted to the pillow. I lifted it and tried to figure out where I was. The room around me lay under a blanket of dust. Collections of dirt on the shelves, webs in the corners. Mum would not have been pleased. I would have been off the couch, snatched away from the bounce of the ball, beer left to lose its chill, until all was scrubbed and rubbed and pristine and thankfully quiet again. If this was her place.

Through the twilight I could make out unfamiliar walls. They must have been very thin, because cold was present inside this house. I could feel it at the edges of the narrow guest bed, each time I shifted position. In another room a clock was counting down the hours. Its ticking was accompanied by gurgling sounds, from further away. A coffee machine, perhaps.

I turned my head to the right. From where I lay I could dimly make out a small hallway, heading away from me. It had a doorway leading off from it on the right and another a little further down on the left. At the end was a front door. The room I was in seemed to be in a corner of the hall as, looking the other way, the corridor continued off at an angle, past the line of my vision. I ventured to imagine that there was one more room I couldn't see at all. This place was a classic tiny, two bedroom, fibro, suburban monstrosity.

Tried to remember. Last night came in strobes. Smoke, drinks, music. Acidic taste in my mouth. It must be morning, now. Or afternoon. I was giddy. Dry. Tired. It must be morning. Didn't know this dust. Hadn't seen these flaky walls. Never heard that buzz. I snapped fully awake.

It could have been a razor. Harmless. Could have been something else entirely. I listened intently for tell tale sounds of illicit delight. A female voice started to hum. Pleasurable humming. No increase in intensity. She took her time. Her voice sounded low in her throat. A morning hum, perhaps. I rolled onto my back and shifted my hands. It was too warm to get up. She would have her fun and I would have mine.

The door on the left of the hallway unblocked, and steam rolled out. A woman emerged and moved along the small corridor, in the corner of my right eye. She had a quiet shuffle, and grasped a towel that only just covered her. Her feet left wet silhouettes on the floorboards for a moment before they disappeared. Hips flicked at the edges of her towel. Bare shoulders glistened. Water drops lay on her neck. Maybe she had forgotten to dry them. Scraggly hair tousled wetly around her head. Your hands could get snaggled in there. She wasn't like the women in the tabloids, all flawless plastic and skinny, long looks, but she was here. It had been a long time since anyone was here.

She continued along the hall toward me, then turned into the door leading off to the right. I felt relieved that she hadn't called out to me. My brain wasn't ready to control intelligent thought, let alone speech. Things were now being sprayed around with abandon in what I assumed must be her room. Drawers were yanked open. A door swung. Something made a soft thud as it landed on a bed or a chair. Women seemed to need a lot of time and thought to get ready.

Then she emerged into the corridor, dressed in a long-sleeved T-shirt and slacks, and headed toward me. Too late I closed my eyes. The bed enfolded me like sleep, urging me to fall back into its embrace.

'Are you awake?' she asked gently.

'Mmmmm, grmph.' I acted the rudely awakened.

'Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you, Mr Snooze. Thought you might be hungry.'

'Yeah.' My stomach grumbled. 'You could say that.'

'I'm just going to put on some coffee and toast. Join me, when you're ready. No rush. There's a clean towel in the bathroom. To the left, down the hall.'

I wasn't sure whether to have a shower or just get dressed. My body felt greasy and my shirt and trousers would be filthy after last night's escapade. Might need to borrow some clothes to make it home, but then I would have to re-establish contact later to return them. I wasn't sure at this stage if that was desirable. Looking around the room, I tried to see a way out of this situation. At the end of the bed lay my clothes, washed, dried and neatly folded. She must have risen early and decided to rescue them. A maiden in shining armour. Something might be expected in return. Sexual gratification, perhaps?

I swung my feet out of bed, on to the polished floor, and stood up. Too quickly. The room slid sideways, slamming me into a wall. Pushing myself off it I sagged back to the edge of the bed. My head, already pumping, felt like a bruised pear. She tore into the room.

'I heard a noise. You OK?' I felt disoriented and embarrassed. Definitely, not OK.

'I'm alright. Must've really tied one on last night.'

'Yeah, you would've never made it home.'

'Think I'll just sit here for a bit. I'll be alright in a moment.'

'Want me to bring you anything?'

'Not right now. I'll have a coffee later. Thanks.'
I saw the concern in her forehead as she reluctantly exited the room.

How would I ever get out of here when I couldn't even stand? Blood was swelled under my temples. I needed air. Focusing on my breathing I sucked in breaths through my clenched teeth. Coolness hit the back of my throat and I began to calm. My jaw relaxed and opened wider, letting in a steady breeze of oxygen. Slowly I counted the in and out of each mouthful of air, watching the steady rise and fall of my chest. My toes stared up at me. After a few minutes of this I felt ready to try to stand, again. I placed my feet squarely on the floorboards and rose delicately to a hunched position. This seemed to work. Gradually, I lifted to full height and moved deliberately forward, concentrated on each step. A warm shower would help me feel better.

The bathroom lurched closer as I wobbled down the hall. I grasped its doorway and stopped, to recover some energy. The tiles below me were filmed with gray, turned into little heaps of black in the corners of the floor. I scraped a tile with my toes to uncover that it was a dirt brown colour. The sink fared little better. It had accumulated hair and spots of toothpaste for who knows how long. Spatters of assorted beauty products had flicked their way onto the mirror. One fluorescent light shimmered, barely lighting the disarray. Off to the left, on the opposite side of the room, a bathtub seemed out of place. The wall above it sported some grimy taps and a nozzle, and I realised that this was one of those combined bath and showers. Some careful navigation would be needed to step successfully into that.

Mum's voice was in my ear. My hands resisted the unnatural desire to don gloves and start scouring away. More pressing matters urged me over to the toilet, which faced the door. This, thankfully, seemed to have been recently cleaned. Not until now had I realised how much I needed to relieve myself. Last night's beverages syphoned out of me in a magnificent stream.

Stepping carefully into the tub I let hot water gush on my back, and started to relax. Someone else could foot the bill, for once. I felt more aware, now, and looked further at the bathroom. From rails that had shed their white plastic in favour of red metal, two towels hung limply. One was wet, so the other must be for me. Where was the intriguing object I had heard this morning? Something electric, perhaps long, sleek and still glistening. Disappointed, I spotted the electric razor on a shelf, still plugged in. I had been alone in my self-appreciation activities, this morning. That would ruin potential fantasies for me in the future.

Shower finished, I hobbled back to grab my clothes, dressed and headed down the hall to find the kitchen. It must have been somewhere off to the right of the guestroom, as that was the only part of the house I hadn't really seen, yet.

Through the doorway I glimpsed her again. Seated at a table crowded with old newspapers, used coffee cups, cereal, jam and other breakfast items, she was flicking through a magazine. Her hair was still slightly damp, reddish brown with long curls that swung across her forehead and along each cheek. At the top of her nose a crease indicated she was lost in thought. As I headed through the door she stopped reading and looked up.

'Feeling better?'

'Yeah. Must've gotten up too fast or something.'

'Here, let me make you some toast.' She flicked the trigger on a toaster already stacked with two pieces of bread. 'There's fresh coffee in the pot over there.' She pointed at a bench. 'I left it brewing, so it should be hot.'
I made my way over to the coffee, and grabbed a cup from a selection next to it.

'What time is it?'

'I'd say about nine.' My brow furrowed. 'In the morning.' She added, 'I always write off the day after a big night out. Takes a while to recover.'

'I should get home.'

'Take your time. I haven't got anywhere I need to be.' She leant forward. 'Unless you do.'
My head was still too muddy to think quickly. I still didn't know who she was, and to ask now would be uncomfortable. More to the point, I didn't really want to find out. All I wanted was to get home, back into a familiar space. Maybe sleep some more.

For the life of me I couldn't figure out just why she was being so helpful. We'd obviously met before but I just couldn't remember when. I searched her place for clues. There were magazines piled on every free surface. Stuffed toys and mementos crowded into the spaces between. No male had lived here for a very long time, if ever. Books and CDs were stacked on the floor in towers that looked as though they would topple at any moment. This was not a space that had been designed for sharing. Among the assorted knick knacks there was barely room for one person to manoeuvre about. I'd never seen a place quite so cluttered. Women were supposed to be tidy. Like Mum.

She noticed me assess the damage.

'The place is usually not this untidy. I've been busy lately.'

'Oh yeah?'

'Yeah. You know, with the big event coming up?'
Alarmed, I scanned my data banks for any big events looming in the near future. Nothing came to mind. It was too late for confession, so I'd have to play along.

'Yeah. There must be heaps to do for that.'

'You've no idea - all the food and drink and choosing the right music. Getting everyone there is the worst.'
The conversation was getting a little too specific for my liking.

'I'm sure you'll be fine.'
I took a huge slurp of coffee, followed by a large bite of toast. Anything to engage my mouth with more activities and less talk.

She started to go into specifics about some of the problems that had arisen in the course of organising the upcoming function. I nodded and started to figure out how a graceful exit could be made from this scene, without causing any offense.

'Look, thanks for all your help. Sorry to eat and run, but I've got to get going.' In desperation I glanced around the room for something to inspire me. 'Mum will be going crazy that her plans for my weekend aren't happening.'
Her face held its emotion. It looked kind of solemn. Quite pretty, really.

'That's OK. How about we meet up for a coffee some time?'

'Sure.' Damn. I didn't really want to turn this into a lasting attachment. 'I'll give you a call.'

'It's changed.' She tore a scrap off one of the newspapers, scribbled down her number, and handed it to me. 'I'm free most weekends.'

'Good. Well, I'll see you soon.'
She followed me to the front door. 'Bye. Take it easy today.'

'You too.'
Her eyes were on me as I me walked down her front path and along the street. I waved as I turned a corner, and inhaled a chunk of fresh air. Free at last. At that moment I was relatively confident that I would not see or hear from her again for quite some time.

OK I'm interested. Are you going to keep us hanging for long?

Glad to see you made it here, Nanzar!

As for keeping you hanging, it took a lot of effort to get that little piece up to that stage. I have a lot of other bits I could show you, but they are very rough and disjointed, at the moment.

I had written the next part of the story, but now it doesn't fit, because I had to change a lot of who the female character was.

Hmmm, lemme see how I feel in a week or two and I might drop another section in here.

Thanks for the interest.

~~~~~~~~~~

for the record...i read it too...and my response is the same as nanzar's. so...it's a good piece that defienalty stirs up the intrigue. there's alot of unanswered questions just in the segment. so kudos.


~b

"sometimes love hurts so bad, you never want it again"

Argy!
I'm glad I found you guys again too. I can't come around as often but I'll be sure to check in once in a while.

I guess your idea of putting in the pieces as they come is a hard one to do. Sometimes a character and story go through many changes before you hit just the right combination. Don't be concerned about changes, just post it from the beginning again and we'll read it over. It will be nice to see the process from your perspective.

Wow! We are impressed. We didn't know you write. Keep it up!

Yeah, so now i'm CAUGHT and hanging like a cheap suit! You really know how to capture a reader. Right now, i'm wishing he had stayed there a bit longer so we could find out about both of them, and what the heck happened the night before.

The characters are rich, room for mystery without being vague. Do you have the story skeleton down, or are you still assembling? I hope to see an update soon; or a spoiler or two.

Amazing read-thanks.

stranger

Argy,

I am right there with everyone else – this left me intrigued and wondering what exactly happened between these two...wanting to find out, unlike the main character.

From a writing standpoint, I really like the way you used description throughout the excerpt. It's not overly done (as it can be so often) and not too little (once again, so often)... it feels just right. It sets the scene and even adds a bit more to the scene because of it. I also enjoyed your use of sentences...the quick endings of lines – basically was a great way of showing what state of mind your main character was in.

I enjoyed it and would like to see more if you get some more done. *laughs* I know how it is with novels taking time, but just know I'm interested as well.

Great job! And I hope you got a good grade for that dangit!!

~Gabber



"I'm here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
Whenever it ain't easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me

Some day they'll open up your world
Shake it down on a drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can't erase you..."