Warrior...Princess...National Hero

Yesterday was Canada Day. Friday is July 4th, Independence Day in the U.S. I thought a fitting honor to those who've granted great service to others would be to resurrect an old game.

For those who may not know... Following in alphabetical order, change the last name to any great person from your home country. Leave a few words about them, and then describe a Xena episode set in the named location and time period.

Warrior...Princess...Adams

John Adams was a signer of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, and lobbied very hard to abolish slavery in the original Declaration. He was also elected President after the Revolutionary War.

One of Aphrodite's spells goes awry and Xena and Gabrielle awaken in colonial Philadelphia, as the Continental Congress is about to sign the document they have debated over for months. Gabrielle goes undercover as the scribe of Congress as Xena and Aphrodite must undo the spell that has tranformed the august body into The Continence Congress, about to enact the Declaration of Depends. Xena bounces her chakram off the Liberty Bell, leaving a large crack that can't be fixed.


Warrior...Princess...Barton
Clara Barton served the U.S. military during the Civil War, enacting many innovations in army hospitals that saved thousands of lives. She also served in other countries, and started an organization that eventually became The Red Cross.

Xena and Gabrielle are trapped in a large barn full of wounded. The two work hard with Nurse Barton to treat soldiers and civilians from both sides, and help deliver a slave's baby that turns out to be part Centaur...

Warrior...Princess...Carver

George Washington Carver was an agricultural chemist. He discovered ways to transform plant and mineral products into new kinds of food, paint, stains, and dyes. He worked with peanuts and invented Peanut Butter!

Xena and Gabrielle chase Callisto through a time vortex and find themselves in Alabama at the Tuskeegee Institute. Carver has created a new product that the locals are speculating about, and Callisto assumes it must be an Ambrosia recipe. She commandeers the Institute and tries to force Carver to transform her into a goddess. Instead Xena and Gabrielle push her into a giant vat of peanut butter where the three have an intense wrestling match. After the fight Gabrielle notices a clump of ground peanut clinging to the end of Xena's breast and tries to brush it off, only to have the Warrior Princess reply: "Hey! that's my Warrior Nipple."

"Oh," says Gabrielle. "I was wondering what that was."

[This message was edited by Brian on 02 July 2003 at 02:43 PM.]

Warrior...Princess...Drew

Dr. Charles Drew discovered how to separate blood cells from blood plasma, store them and then reconstitute them for later use. He essentially invented blood transfusions and the blood bank. When WWII started the British hired him to start their blood drives, and then when the US became involved he founded the Blood Chapter of the American Red Cross. His technique for preserving blood plasma probably saved hundreds of thousands of lives in WWII.

He died at age 46 in North Carolina from injuries he suffered in a car wreck. A blood transfusion would probably kept him alive, but the hospital refuse to treat him because he was black. By the time he arrived at the "colored" hospital he had bled to death.

Gabrielle falls off Argo and is bleeding profusely from the head. Xena cannot stop the flow of blood, and Gabrielle tells Xena her last wish in life. Xena is fighting tears and tries to comfort her, when suddenly Dr Drew appears. He rescues Gabrielle with a blood transfusion. Later X and G head for town and see a horrible car wreck. Dr. Drew is taken to the hospital where Xena throws two guards through a window, severs a few hands with her chakram, and with her swordpoint at a doctor's neck tells him "You're gonna save my friend."

Afterwards Xena tells the hospital staff that if even a Centaur or the Horde arrive needing help, they'd better treat them or she'll come back and crucify all of them.

Warrior...Princess...Embery

Joan Embery is the official ambassador of the San Diego Zoo. She appears all over the world educating people about animals and habitat.


Xena and Gabrielle are summoned to Mount Olympus by Aphrodite, who reveals someone is hunting all the unicorns on Oympus. They find Joan Embery who is also hunting the fiend, who explains how the horns are being taken from unicorns because of their rumored Viagra-like properties. Our heroes discover Ming Tien tracking another victim and Xena throws a broken unicorn horn into his temple. Ming says, "What have you done?" Xena replies, "I killed you, you bastard."

Warrior...Princess...Finnbogadottir

Vigdis Finnbogadottir is the Prime Minister of Iceland. She was also the director of the Rekjavik Theatre Company.


While visiting Brunhilda in Valhalla, Xena and Gabrielle overhear Thor and Odin discussing a play they'd seen recently. Gabrielle's birthday is approaching so Xena plans a surprise trip to an island on the edge of the earth, a land so far away only a few hearty souls know of it's existence. Upon arrival they are greeted by Finnbogadottir, who insists that Gabrielle author a play about Xena's adventures and agrees to produce it. The script is so bad though when opening night curtain comes down, the critics so viciously rip the play that Xena remarks, "Wow...that's pretty cold." Gabrielle replies, "Cold my ass..that's a veritible Ice-Land."

quote:

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Originally posted by Lady Lazarus:
__*is both amused and impressed that _Brian_ will probably complete this game all on his own*__

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A solo thread seems to be the forecast. I guess everyone forgot how to play.

Warrior...Princess...Grissom

Virgil Grissom was chosen for the US astronaut program in 1959. A Lietenant Colonel in the Air Force, he had flown over 100 combat missions in the Korean War, served as a jet instructor, and piloted one of the early sub-orbital rocket tests. He completed a successful Gemini mission and was chosen as mission commander of Apollo One. Gus Grissom and fellow astronauts Ed White and Roger Chaffee met their deaths on January 27, 1967, at Cape Kennedy, Florida, when a flash fire consumed their spacecraft during a full-scale simulation in preparation for the subsequently scheduled launch of their Saturn/Apollo mission.

Xena and Gabrielle are vacationing in Florida and become drunk in a tiki bar. Men are bragging about their adventures and Gabrielle can't resist regaling the motley assemblage with some of Xena's exploits. After an hour of raucous oneupmanship, a quiet man named Scott stands on his chair and tells the story of a man who fought in foreign wars, who taught others to survive jet flight, and braved a trip into space at a time when no one knew exactly what weightlessness would do to the human mind and body.

"He was my father, Virgil Grissom, and he's remembered as a great hero because he died in a fire during a test for space flight. But to me he was a hero long before that. He did these amazing things not for money, or power, or advancement of his own agenda, but because he was serving his country and all of mankind in a brave new science. His death was tragic. His life was heroic."

it's not that i don't want to participate...i'm just having a hard time making up a story about Xena, Gabrielle and Hubert Humphrey.

i'll get back to you....

WHAT WOULD XENA DO?

are you sitting on the soap?

Warrior...Princess...Humphrey

Hubert Horatio Humphrey was a senator from Minnesota and then Vice President to Lyndon Johnson. He was the Democratic Presidential nominee in 1968 and lost a very close race to Richard Nixon. He returned to the Senate until his death in 1978. One of his notable moments was at the 1948 Democratic national convention when he introduced a civil rights plank to the platform well before the desegregation movement had gained a fledgling status.

Xena and Gabrielle are walking to Amphipolis and meet a man walking with great purpose and vigor. They ask who he is and where he's going, and he explains he is HHH aka The Happy Warrior and is on his way to Athens to address the civil government about the inequaties of slavery.

"Are you related to Joxer?" Xena asks.

They walk together for awhile, amazed by his determined righteousness, his concern for all of mankind, and the way he seems to keep talking without ever having to pause for a breath. He exhorts his views on equality and prosperity for all without stopping his dialogue even when they are attacked by Bacchae.

After a day of trudging together they part ways. "By the gods," says Gabrielle, "he's so irritating. How do they put up with him?"

Xena looks at The Bard, rolls her eyes and says "Hey they put up with him just fine."

Warrior...Princess...Ichiro

Ichiro Suzuki is a star baseball player for the Seattle Mariners. He was the first non-pitcher to come from Japan and make a star impact on the major leagues. His following in Japan is tremendous. I understand this doesn't really fit the category with the rest of the folks I've mentioned, but I love baseball, I love that it's gaining international prominence, and since I'm the only one who seems to be playing this game anyway I just decided to hell with it... I'll post what I want.

Xena, Gabrielle and Akemi venture to Osa, where a man has become renown for hitting with a club. A large gathering watches Ichiro knock thrown balls over 400 feet. He then demonstrates his great ability to catch balls hit by others, and his throwing arm wows them all. A proud Akemi tells how Ichiro is a big success in the big land the sun rises from. Gabrielle snorts at the Akemi's bragging, "Big deal, Xena is syndicated in 140 countries."

"But has she ever hit a split-finger fastball 450 feet for a walk-off homerun?" Akemi retorts.

"She could do it with her chakram," a snide Gabrielle answers.

Xena breaks in. "Shaddup you two, and go fetch some peanuts and Cracker Jack. I really like this baseball game."

OK, I'll play:

Warrior...Princess...Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson was the third president of the US, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and the founder of the University of Virginia. He died, coincidentally, on July 4, 1826, the fiftieth anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Xena and Gabrielle have taken a ship with the Norse peoples to a "strange world" across the sea. When they arrive, Xena and Gabrielle venture inland to a great building, where they go inside.

"By the gods, Xena, look at all these scrolls!" Gabrielle exclaims while running over to one of the bookcases at UVA.

"Great. Now we'll be here for days." Xena sighed.

Gabrielle says, "Hey Xena, look at this one....'We the people....' "

How's 'zat?

FEAR THE SWINE

quote:

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Originally posted by evilswine:
How's 'zat?

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That was marvelous. Was it good for you too? Seriously... thanks for playing.

Warrior...Princess...Keller

Helen Keller was afflicted by scarlet fever in her first year and she was left blind and deaf. Through incredibly hard work and blessed with the most patient of teachers Helen learned how to speak, how to sign, how to read Braille and became an inspiration to the world. She travelled the world to demonstrate that afflictions of eye and ear did not equate to affliction of mind. Her spirit, her intellect, and her bravery won respect from all who met her.

Helen Keller sits in a meadow with Joxer, teaching him his alpha beta gammas. When her patience is strained she excuses herself to get water from a nearby stream. Suddenly one of the Horde stumbles up, bloody, beaten, and obviously exhausted.

"Kal... Kaltaka," he pleads.

"Ares is the God of War in these parts. Kell reigns in a land far from here. Go west, you'll find him," Joxer says. The Horde man stumbles off and he's no sooner out of sight when a second Pomira arrives.

"Kaltaka... Kaltaka!" he begs.

"So you're Celtic. I'm Thracian. But you don't see me shouting it out all over," Joxer scolds. The stricken man wanders away and once more a Pomira male approaches.

"Kal...Kal...Kaltaka!" he calls with his dying breaths. "Kaltaka!"

"Well goody-goody for you, you got to go to Cal Tech. I barely made it through Popodoupolous Elementary, but not all of us could afford a big fancy college."

"kaltaka... kal... ta... ka" murmurs the Pomira, nearly unconscious.

Just then Helen Keller reappears carrying a bucket of water, which she shares with the stranger and revitalizes him. After a lengthy and lively conversation, Helen gives the bucket to him so he may aid his comrades, and then waves goodbye.

"How was I supposed to know what he wanted?" Joxer says. "How did you know what he wanted anyway?"

"An affliciton of the eye is not an affliction of mind; An affliction of the ear is not an affliction of the mind. I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear him, but I could understand his heart," Helen explains. "You however have perfect eyes, perfect ears, but the most afflicted mind I've ever known. You are nothing less than an Olympian Dumb Ass, Joxer."

"Thanks," he blushes. "I have Herculean strength too!" Joxer flexes his muscles and loses his balance, falling into the mud.

"Yeah, I knew you were special right away, Joxer," Helen says, shaking her head sadly.

warrior...princess...LadyBird

G: aren't the trails lovely in this region Xena?

X: huh? oh, sure. not too many rocks...mostly downhill...sure. nice trails.

G: i'm talking about the beautiful flowers along the trail, Xena. it's almost as if someone spread wildflower seeds all along the trailsides just so they'd be more enjoyable to travel.

X: flowers. riiiight.

G: so what is this place called, Xena? i don't think we've ever been here before, have we?

X: it's called Texas. and i have we'll be very well-received here...

WHAT WOULD XENA DO?

are you sitting on the soap?

common sense would tell me not to try and continue
but i'm after a piece of the diamond in you
so keep your heart open
this spirit ain't broken...
and just a little is enough

i still can't eidt--the last line is meant to be:

X:...and i have a feeling we'll be very well-received here.

WHAT WOULD XENA DO?

are you sitting on the soap?

common sense would tell me not to try and continue
but i'm after a piece of the diamond in you
so keep your heart open
this spirit ain't broken...
and just a little is enough

Bravo!! Hooray for the Texans!!!

Warrior...Princess...Mandela

Nelson Mandela was the head of the African National Congress, a political party trying to end apartheid in South Africa. The opposition feared him enough to outlaw the party and put him in prison for twenty years. That's Twenty fucking YEARS, kids. Eventually he not only won release, but he reinstated his party, became the elected leader of the nation that had imprisoned him, and outlawed apartheid.


Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus are aboard a ship off north Africa, when a gang takes over the vessel and sails for open sea. After a long trip south they arrive at the opposite end of the Dark Continent. Thrown off the boat, the trio makes their way through the strange land but are thrown in prison for being in the wrong neighborhood after dark. They meet Nelson Mandela, who explains the social/political system and why our heroes are imprisoned. Autolycus picks the cell lock, frees the others, and Xena et al ride into Johannesburg with a fury. Before long, our trio is headed home, a new government is in place, and Mandela is no longer serving a prison sentence, but serving his country and the world instead. On the boat trip home Gabrielle gets seasick, Xena shows her a new pressure point, and for the remainder of the journey Gabrielle is constantly heard saying, "If the gods didn't want us to eat fish, why did they make it taste so good?"

Warrior...Princess...Nobel

Alfred Nobel invented dynamite. He dedicated a large share of the fortune he made from his invention to the Swedish Royal Academy, to recognize great achievement worldwide. Hence, "The Nobel Prize."


Xena and Gabrielle meet Amarice in Northern Europe and party like it's 1999 with the Valkyries. Amarice and Gabrielle seem bent on dying of alcohol poisoning so Xena hauls them off to dry out and recuperate on a cruise to Sweden. A & G wake up with horrible hangovers, and Xena is feeling some pain too, so tempers are flaring.

"Blow out the lantern, Gabrielle," complains Amarice. "The bright light is killing me."

"That would make it difficult to clean off the puke on my blanket that one of my fellow passengers so thoughtfully deposited while I was sleeping," barks Gabrielle. "So shut your eyes and shut your mouth too."

"Bite me blondie, and maybe I'll put your lights out when I blow out that lantern too." Amarice holds her nose. "You reek of wretch, woman, and since your boots are full of spew I'm sure you were the one who soiled your blanket. You were always a lightweight bitch when it came to holding ale."

Whoosh, chunk, whoosh, ching, whoosh, whoosh, grab. The pair watch the severed tresses of their own hair fall to the deck, and look up to see the Warrior Princess holding her chakram and glaring. "By the gods, I'll decapitate the next wench who yells in here. Shut up! I'm trying to sleep! Blow out the lantern Gabrielle."

"Blow it out your ear, High and Mighty Princess. I'm doing something here," Gabrielle says.

"I'll shove that lantern out of sight and then you can just blow it out your ass. How's that sound, SideKick?" Amarice screams.

"Blow it out your twats, you screeching ravens!" Xena cries, reaching for the chakram.

A nice man appears. "Perhaps I can help resolve this. I couldn't help over hearing all this talk of blowing up, blowing out, blowing away. My latest invention, Dynamite, is quite suitable for such things."

"Who brought him home last night?" Xena growls at her companions. "By the gods, can't you two keep your pants on for one night? What in Hades is dynamite?"

"A kind of combination of Greek fire, Chinese black powder, and Joxer radish stew farts. Deadly, easy to contain and use, and looks harmless before it's lit. Watch what it does to the planking on the side of the ship." Nobel proceeds to blow a hole in the hull and water comes rushing in. "Hmmm. I guess I didn't think that one through."

"Nice play, Aristophanes," Gabrielle whines. "I hope you invented lifeboats and life jackets too."

"I did! Inflatable ones. Let's start filling them with air!" Nobel exclaims. All four start puffing air into the life tubes.

"Blow it out your ear Xena."
"Blow it our your ass Bardbreath."
"Blow it out your twat Amazon Wannabe."
"At least something's getting blown in here," Nobel says with a dirty grin. Xena throws her chakram and severs his head. The other two stare in silent disbelief.

"Just blow," she commands.

I really like the Nobel-one! Good story, Brian!

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Leader of The Valkyries

Thank you Moonshade. Plenty of room for other Scrollers on this thread...pick a letter and have fun.

Brian