Hi!

Argy is helping me beat my inner demons in hopes that a muse will shake out of the mess somehow. Please bare with me. I've written nothing since december, and it's all cause of this... *ahem* OTHER website i was seeing. it beat my sense of self-worth. I know, i Know. but the scrolls and i were on a trial seperation, you know? THEY CLOSED DOWN ON MEEE! but i've seen other sites, and i've seen the error of my ways. So i'm here to rekindle an old flame. Here is the excercise she so kindly gave me. Maybe i will poke the writer out in me again.

This afternoon:

Black trash bag wrapped around this winterized air conditioner, spring hasnt decided whether to arrive yet, so this tacky abstraction reflects the yellow light from the ceiling in an all too hideous manner. The textured concrete walls surrounding it are covered in a light brown. Who would ever think to clean walls, but there they are-- colonies of bunnies thrive in this dry climate. The bookshelf across the room looks strait at a closed window. A gallimaufry of literature on the shelf whisper thoughts of escape. They long for a sense of the sun behind a makeshift curtain, a once plush magenta towel. Some things havent been touched for years. All these well meaning trinkets, abandoned projects, indecisive purchases, collect dust like a hobby. Yet none have seen the rim of a trashcan, they have been all too content in their mediocrity. Among the discarded poetry attempts scattered about beige carpeting, I see footprints on top of vacuum tracks that lead to the stereo.

Thats right. I turned on the stereo. The room was so still before. The sound of dust settling had frightened me. My dark hair pulled back slack in a ponytail, still up from this mornings work out, I have yet to decide what I want to do next. I brush a rebelious clump of hair from my eyes. My clumsy gloss covered lips fumble through the lyrics of a piano infused tune. Curled eyelashes flutter undeclared thoughts out like a light thats too bright. I should change out of these work out pants, they make me sweat. This blushing coral shirt has got to go with it. Im not sure if I cant wrap my mind around a thought, or if I havent a thought to get lost in. That aside, things are much more different then they used to be. My head is lost in a clean pallet, and Im afraid to start mixing colors.

I should go back into the T.V. room. I should stumble back in front of my laptop computer, put my blanket over my lap, and sit patiently to watch my fingers tremble above the keyboard. You should see them twitch. Not knowing what letter to strike. Its an instinct like breathing, they know what they have to do, but Im suffocating. I believe thats why I left my cozy chair in the first place. Why I detoured into the kitchen before I left to my bedroom, and flipped the switch to the overhead light without a thought to look where it was first. Ive been here so long. In this apartment. In this town. I switched rooms just in hopes that I could breathe again. Maybe it was just habit.

While I sit on my plaid blanketed bed, I remember when my mom bought this for me when I was 15. I've had it for over a decade. Maybe i need a new comforter. I wonder if I should get in the shower, turn up the volume on the radio and jam my way through a 25 minute sud. I could always stay on the bed and think of--hmm, theres that song I love. I'm easily distracted. This song will take over, because I will sing at the top of my lungs till its over, and maybe to the next one too. So I begin to dance like a liquid phenomenon never before discovered, cause Ive been hidden away in this windowless apartment. I love to hear the music strain to keep up with my insightful movements. Percussion is guiding my heart to beat as the guitar tickles the bottom of my feet, as I step out for a moment in front of the gossamer of confusion's perception to become a part of the song.

Ive sung so long my throat is feeling tense. The couple of hours in my personal concert over, I exit stage left. I open my eyes and head to the distraction. I point my authoritive finger at the power button. I relish the ability to turn power on and off at will. It's like a brief moment of god-hood where I determine what will fill my worlds silent void. The music is off. The silence is back. I go to my laundry basket and dig out a pair of underwear. What kinda female do I want to be today? A woman, in my satin lavender Victoria Secret matching under garb? Or a girl, in my bikini cut Hanes and all purpose bra? I vote for whatever I find first, no one will see it anyway, I hope. So I grab the bikini cuts and the lavender pushup bra and leave this quiet room. I leave the walls, their dust , all the things I should have done, and head for the shower. I think I will go out this afternoon. Maybe I should rip that damned garbage bag cover off the air conditioner too. Maybe I will see what its like outside first. It may still be cold out there.

Thanks for the boost argy! and thanks for those of you who read through to the end. he he....

mons

[ April 12, 2003, 12:41 PM: Message edited by: Contestant #24 ]

I have been there!
I have *standing in front of everyone* slept now for two years, i get up now and again, but i feel sleeping so i go back to bed.
I lie there sometimes in a dream but not in Rem sleep. I can't sleep and yet all i seem to do is sleep. I try to beat it, my head feels so cloudy and fuzzy.

So i go back to sleep hoping one day i can get up and rejoin the world.

I wish i could write with the vision you have, i enjoyed reading about your afternoon.

My head is lost in a clean pallet, and I’m afraid to start mixing colors. (at least you know i made it that far... )

sweet line.

excellent, almost-poetic imagery throughout.

[ April 09, 2003, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: freak ]

First off, i have to apologize! i didn't proof-read in my haste to post. i deserve a beating! i will do that so some of my sentences make more sense! silly me. no respect for the reader! no RESPECT! terrible...

Thanks chester!

for reading and commenting. it does suck. i guess it could be thought of as some sort of depression, or maybe a simple bout with stagnation, either way, it sucks!

hey! what up FR ! ha ha.

thanks for reading. That was my favorite line too!! and i'm glad you got as far as you did, and found that one. reading the whole thing right now proved difficult, and i'm sorry 'bout that. it should be more poetic when i have less run-ons! HA! thank you though, for the compliment. really kinda healing. thanks.

needing an editor:
mons

[ April 09, 2003, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: Contestant #24 ]

I was told i have a Borderline personality!
and major depression, but i suppose things could be worse.

The line that made me want to read more:

quote:

---

Who would ever think to clean walls, but there they are-- colonies of bunnies thrive in this dry climate.

---

This is very real:

quote:

---

I relish the ability to turn power on and off at will. It's like a brief moment of god-hood where I determine what will fill my worlds silent void. The music is off. The silence is back.

---

I think it was very good overall.
I'm curious, what was the excercise that Argy gave you?

[ April 12, 2003, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: Nanzar ]

NANZAR!!!

what up chick!? its ME! MONS!! hehe thanks. i'm glad you liked it, it's also nice to know that i captured you by the third line. hardest thing about writing a long piece,making sure that someone will want to read all the way to the end. i liked that line, the thought of all the little bunnies sitting there, wondering when i'm gonna clean them off. he he. and i like that other part as well, cause it's all about the little things we can control that still have a big impact.

what was the excercise? well, i'll show ya:

1st paragraph:
describe the room
2nd: describe yourself
3rd: describe how you got into the room
4th: describe what you are doing in the room
5th: describe how you are going to leave the room

and try not to use "ing" words

that was it. i think i broke the "ing" rule a few times. but other than that, i followed instructions like a PRO! i will start writing again... without help... just not anytime soon! ha ha

evilswine

that part is just... THE WHOLE thing, you know. exactly how i've been feeling. i don't know where i am... i just AM. *LOL* all the things you mentioned.. man, are you watching me through a window!!?? that damned food network is captivating. and i will give you the same advice i'm taking. get up, get in the shower, and go somewhere. go out to lunch, or go to a movie. just something, and then later, when you are typing on the comp and watching the food network again, you will have something else to think about, something aside the things you could have done but didnt. Sooo... GET OFF LINE!!! and then later tell me what you did. i'm cur-ious now.

mons
thanks for reading!

Loved it.

A real sense of all the possibilities that the narrator can't deal with, because she doesn't know where to start.

She doesn't dust, she doesn't write, she can't decide on a co-ordinated set of underwear, she doesn't know whether or not to take the plastic bag off the air conditioner.

These parts were tops:

a once plush magenta towel

All these well meaning trinkets ... collect dust like a hobby

Her whole inability to type.

I could always stay on the bed and think of--hmm, theres that song I love. I'm easily distracted.

GREAT last line - It may still be cold out there.

She still hasn't conquered her inability for action. Will she stay inside or venture out? We suspect she will opt to stay.

Good one, monsie!

mons,

Ya know...I read that not sure if it was going to be good (it IS an exercise after all  I fear those), but it had a lot of great one-liners...that almost everyone else has pointed out.

Keep getting back on the saddle...you still got it.

~Gabber