This Storm

I just wanted to sit here and watch
From our dusty car port,
Surrounded by my mother’s potted garden.
Some plants flourishing in a rich summer spectrum
Others brittle and hanging breathless
Whithered from days’ previous dry heat.
Both are toiling in the winds busy
Ushering in a gray sky thickening and black.
And I just wanted to feel the air,
That had been circling harshly around the evergreens
And erratically through the molting cottonwood limbs,
Apply its efforts to smoothing the furrow in my brow.
And rinse my lungs with the thickness of pre-rain,
Carried heavy like a baby in arms.
But I can’t sit still long enough
To breathe.
The sky groans,
Like Atlas pulling his burden.
A loud crack from the breaking pressure
And the dust begins to jump and billow
As the rain seems to pound down,
Upon this parched and fractured ground,
That settled not long enough—
To embrace what had been coming.

Beautiful poem. Beautiful. I have to thank you for it, in fact, because it was a balm to me in a particularly bad moment. Thank you.

quote:

But I can’t sit still long enough
To breathe.
The sky groans,
Like Atlas pulling his burden.
A loud crack from the breaking pressure
And the dust begins to jump and billow
As the rain seems to pound down,
Upon this parched and fractured ground,
That settled not long enough—
To embrace what had been coming.

i love the way this whole passage works. the images...the word choices...where you made the the line breaks. captures the building restlessness and tension nicely. and the last lines are perfection. says everything the whole rest of it was saying but you don't really realize it til it's said (ok...that makes sense to me...hopefully you get what i mean.) nice work, mystery person.

You know, my guest name "guess who" was much like when a lover comes from behind you and puts there hands over your eyes and says "guess who!" always expecting fully for you to say without hesitation that "it's my love -insert name here-!"

So i'm hurt lovers, i'm hurt. You don't know my name!

*cries in a corner* IT'S ME!

Shoot! I was so hurt! I forgot to say thanks chicas! For the replies and all. I must be out of practice when you don't recognize the work of my hands.

I'm glad it could soothe, nanzar! that was the odd confusion of this poem. It's like it was both tension and calm. But neither dominated the time enough to be claimed one or the other!

Zooms-- the things you caught, so great! Thank you sooo much. I was using punctuation, i know, not my strongest suit sometimes, but this time it just worked--along with the breaks, and that's what i'm proudest of with this one. I also liked the last two lines because it closed the poem without saying "in conclusion...". :P

Thanks again for your time guys. I really appreciate it. i'm working at a new place and i can't share anythign i write. i'm shy.

mons

i was about 90% sure it was you...

yeah, i figured. i was just razzin ya.