I only just noticed I hadn't read the last part of this yet

This was a good installment. I liked the way it ended, it was happy

Assuming this is the end of course and you aren't planning on writing Robbie suddenly having complications after the surgery and dying and Dylan coming back and finishing Tash and Kim off and then hunting Josie down for tricking him..

lol! well i wasn't planning on it, but now that you mention it...

actaully, the fic's not quite finished - one more movie-lengthed special presentaion to go . just some tying up of loose ends and stuff - i promise there won't be any complications for anyone...physically...o.o

eee! you started a new page! i was wondering how long that was going to take

okay, well, i'm just posting in here because i was paranoid that someone might go on an archiving spree and lock this thread away before i finished it

and on the subject, good news everyone! i've finished another episode . of course, it's thrown my original plan of "one more" a bit out of whack, seeing as how i ditched a nice neat ending in favour of some more robbie and kim moments . i'm thinking it's got at least another week in it, so we shall see how it goes. problem is, the DAMN uni has done away with floppy disks (bastards) so i'm going to have to learn to use my cd burning skills for good instead of evil before i can post it. argh! >.<

stupid uni, first msn and now this.
*glares threateningly at them*

finally, i have completed another chapter! just so you know, time spent writing in no way corrolates to the quality. enjoy
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24/12/04

Kim wandered cautiously into the darkened hospital room. Robbie was lying in the bed, hooked up to some kind of machine. It didn’t look too serious – precautionary really, but it was still pretty disturbing to see him like that.
“Hey,” whispered Robbie, slightly pained, as his boyfriend approached his side.
“Hey,” answered Kim, almost as weakly as Robbie had greeted him. Robbie smiled.
“You’re okay,” he said, as if he had only just realised it. Kim shrugged apathetically. After seeing Robbie, he didn’t really think he could complain.
“And you?” he asked meekly, “Are you okay?” Robbie smiled again and nodded.
“I will be, I think. They’ve got me on some kind of morphine. It’s good, you should try it.” Kim grinned.
“Ah, so that was you’re plan all along,” he teased. “Get yourself all beat up so they’d pump you full of mind-altering drugs. And here I was thinking that you were doing it all to try and keep me safe.”
“Yeah well,” smirked Robbie, “I’ve got to have some incentive to save your sorry butt, right?” Kim smiled weakly and looked away. Robbie could tell that he was upset. “Hey,” Robbie laughed. “I didn’t mean that. You’ve got a cute butt,” he amended, “Really. It’s not sorry at all.” Kim’s face didn’t change.
“Yeah I know,” he sighed. The corner of his mouth flickered upwards at the look on Robbie’s face; a sort of ‘I know you know but there’s no need to brag about it’ look. “I know you were only joking,” Kim clarified, allowing himself to smile properly. “Still…” the smile quickly disappeared.
“You shouldn’t have had to save me,” said Kim. “I’m a strong guy, Rob. I’m a big, strong guy and I should be the one protecting you. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything to stop Dylan from…” He choked a little as he thought of what Robbie must have gone through at the hands of that soulless son of a bitch.
“It shouldn’t have happened,” he went on, shaking his head in disgust. “I shouldn’t have let it get that far. If I had just believed you about Dylan in the first place…”
“Hey,” Robbie stopped him, “I didn’t even believe he’d be capable of this.” Kim didn’t seem comforted by that. “I mean sure,” Robbie tried to lighten the mood, “I thought he might have killed you, but what are the odds of anyone wanting to hurt me?” Kim put his brooding on hold for a moment to narrow his eyes at Robbie.
“Pretty good I’d say.” Kim fought the very strong urge to punch Robbie in the arm. Robbie let his tongue slip playfully between his teeth, knowing that Kim was powerless against his wit. And besides, who was going to hit a poor little injured thing like him? Not Kim, apparently.
Kim slowly lowered himself over his boyfriend. Robbie’s neck arched into his pillow (the closest gesture he could achieve to being taken aback while lying down). Kim leant across him, placing a hand on the other side of the bed to hold himself steady. Robbie tensed up as Kim slowly fell into him – trapping him beneath his body. It was weird: he knew he was with Kim, and that he was safe, but somehow all he could think of was Dylan.
Kim pressed his lips softly to Robbie’s. Robbie paused a little, but Kim didn’t see it. Robbie felt Kim slip inside him, causing a less than pleasant shiver to rise up from the pit of his stomach. He turned his head.
“What?” asked Kim, feeling a shaky hand pushing up against his chest.
“I…” Robbie couldn’t think of a nice way to say ‘You’re reminding me of the guy that tried to rape me.’ Instead he just shuddered at the thought. Kim didn’t quite understand why, but he knew that Robbie was scared.
“Rob, it’s okay,” he said gently, “I’m not going to hurt you.” Robbie knew that; of course Kim would never hurt him. Now if he could just stop shaking…
“Hey, it’s okay,” Kim tried to settle him again. He brushed the backs of his fingers against Robbie’s cheek. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to.” He buried his other hand into Robbie’s hair, running his fingers through the warm-brown strands. Robbie closed his eyes and nestled his head into Kim’s palm. “I love you Robbie,” said Kim tenderly. Robbie’s mouth twitched into a tiny smile, grateful of the reminder.
Kim let his hand fall from Robbie’s face to his chest, gently so as not to disturb the myriad of wounds that he was sure would parallel his own. He felt Robbie breathing underneath him. The rise and fall of his body felt so delicate, the peaceful rhythm carrying Robbie calmly into a deep and well-deserved rest.
Kim smiled, his eyes sparkling with the beginnings of tears. It was truly remarkable that after all they had been through, Robbie still seemed as innocent as ever.
Kim silently leant over and placed a kiss on Robbie’s forehead. He lingered a moment, then broke away. He dragged a chair over to Robbie’s side. He wasn’t about to leave his beautiful boy unprotected again.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Madogis,

27/12/04

Dalby sat on his bed, staring at the blackened walls of his room. It was like being in a sensory deprivation tank, which was good. He didn’t want to feel or think about anything at the moment.
“Eric?” Dalby peered over at the crack of light seeping in from the doorway. “Are you okay?” Flynn waited for a response. Dalby didn’t answer. Flynn sighed, and entered the room.
Dalby squinted painfully as the door – now fully ajar – let in a sudden wave of blinding light. Trying to hide his face in Flynn’s shadow, he shifted uncomfortably as Flynn sat down beside him.
“Eric,” began Flynn, “What happened with Robbie today, it must have been pretty scary. Did you want to talk about it?” Dalby shook his head, but Flynn could tell that he was upset. “He’ll be okay, you know,” Flynn tried to reassure him. “Why don’t you go to see him tomorrow? I have another shift at the hospital, I could take you in.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he’d love that,” said Dalby, finally breaking his silence. “Me and Robbie,” he explained his sarcasm, “We’re not exactly friends. Just as well – those guys’d be better off not knowing me. I mean, if Dylan can end up that insane, what chance have I got?”
“Eric, you’re not Dylan,” said Flynn definitely. “Dylan’s family has a history of mental problems. He’s a very sick boy; it just took us a while – for something like this to happen – for us to realise it. You’re not like that. You’re not a danger to anyone.”
“Yeah,” sulked Dalby, “Well neither was he.
“Before this happened, Dylan was supposed to be the proof that I’d be okay – the perfect example of parent-killer turned ‘nice guy’. Now look at him. He’ll probably spend the rest of his life in jail. Another thing we have in common.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s not like anyone would care.”
“Yes they would.” Flynn took a dramatic pause, making sure that Eric understood that he wasn’t just saying this. “Eric, whether you’re prepared to believe it or not, I do care about you. I don’t want to see you hurt again, especially over something that isn’t your fault.”
Dalby watched Flynn closely, waiting for any hint of a lie, but there was none. He considered the older man carefully.
“Do you love me?” Flynn blinked; he hadn’t been expecting that. He sat back a little, thinking about the question.
“I think so,” he answered carefully. Dalby nodded as Flynn confirmed his suspicion. He had thought for a long time that Flynn was in love with him, but he hadn’t known for sure. Now he did.
He shuffled across the bed, knowing in his heart that this was the right thing to do. Flynn had been good to him, and there was no point in denying him what he wanted. It was easier this way.
He put his arms around Flynn, and laid his head on his chest. Flynn, appreciative of the gesture, hugged him back. Dalby tensed up a little at the sensation of a grown man’s hands on his body, patting and rubbing him. He shivered; this was real.
He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the memories of the last time. But that time was different. That man had never loved him; he’d never done anything but lie and hurt him. Flynn would never lie to him - never hurt him. Flynn would take care of him. This was a small price to pay for that.
“Are you okay?” He opened his eyes as Flynn’s worried voice called attention from the sudden hammering of his own heart. Flynn couldn’t know he was scared – it would just insult him, and make him angry. He didn’t want to do that. Flynn had been good to him.
Dalby pulled himself up against Flynn’s body in lieu of an answer, drawing tighter into the man’s embrace. This was different from last time. Then, his father had taken something from him. Now, Dalby was giving something to Flynn – something he deserved. It was easier this way.
Dalby touched his chin to Flynn’s shoulder, breathing deeply in anticipation of his next move. Flynn held the boy closely to himself, slightly concerned about how long this hug was lasting, but unwilling to be the first to break it. He knew that affection like this was rare with Eric, and he didn’t want to do anything to discourage it.
Dalby knew what he had to do. Flynn wasn’t letting him go anytime soon and, maybe, Dalby didn’t want to be let go. Maybe this was the right thing for both of them, even if it didn’t exactly feel that way just now.
This was it. He closed his eyes and pulled himself up on Flynn again, faster this time, determined to go through with it. Flynn jumped as wet lips caressed the skin of his neck. He glanced over to Dalby, and Dalby looked up to him – the two of them, alone in the dark.
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note: i wrote this BEFORE my midnight rendevous, so this chapter was in no way influenced by that, just in case anyone was wondering

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Madogis,

28/12/04

Dalby lay contemplating the rays of the morning sun as they filtered through his window. He rolled over onto his opposite side, deciding that he’d had enough of this day already. He considered the option of going back to sleep, but for some reason the damn birds wouldn’t let him.
“You’re up early,” chirped Sally as he entered the kitchen. She sounded just like one of them – so happy to be welcoming him into waking world. He looked at her briefly, and then cast a shameful eye to the ground.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled.
He brushed past Sally to take an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter. He rolled his eyes at her (not that she could see it) as she obligingly stepped out of his way. Why did she have to be so nice?
He held the apple out in front of him, lost deeply in thought. The front door burst open.
Flynn jogged in tiredly – his eyes closed in exhaustion. Dalby watched silently as Sally went to her husband and kissed him good morning.
“What did you want for breakfast?” she asked him, her wrists crossed lovingly around the back of his neck. Flynn smiled at her and looked into the kitchen. His face fell a little as he saw Dalby standing there, clutching the piece of fruit in his hand. They stared anxiously at one another, and then at Sally; did she know what had happened between them? Flynn remembered her question.
“I’ll have whatever’s going,” he answered her. He quickly planted a kiss on her neck, as a small yet obvious reminder that he loved her. Dalby was sure that it was for his benefit. He looked down at his apple.
“Well I can’t decide,” Sally laughed to Flynn. “Eric,” she asked, “What do you feel like?”
‘Eric’ didn’t feel like watching Flynn rub it in.
“I’m not hungry,” he told her. He placed the apple back down on the counter to prove it. “I’m going for a walk. I’ll see you later.” He strode past the happily married couple without so much as a sideways glance, leaving nothing but a bruised and pockmarked apple in his wake.
Sally looked at Flynn as the door slammed shut once more, wondering what all that was about. Flynn of course knew the answer, but just played along with her surprise.

Tasha walked along the water’s edge, gazing out over the ocean. She hoped that it might inspire her, or offer her some wonderful thought on what to do next.
Before, when she had felt lost or alone, she would think of the people who loved her – people like Robbie and Kim and Dylan – and everything would seem that much clearer. But now they had all betrayed her. How could she ever really trust them again? She was so confused.
Tasha saw someone walking towards her. She cocked her head curiously. What was he doing down here?
“Dalby?” called Tash. Dalby hadn’t noticed that there was anyone else on the beach – he was too busy watching the grains of sand forcing themselves up between his toes; it was a distraction if nothing else. “Dalby!” she called again. Dalby looked up to see her trotting towards him. He groaned. He was sure that she was just full of fun questions that he didn’t want to answer.
“Hey, are you okay?” she pried, right on cue. She could already tell that he wasn’t. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he lied shortly, “I’m fine.” This was fairly unconvincing. Tasha reached a hand out to him.
“Did you want to talk about it?” Dalby flinched noticeably as she tried to touch his arm.
“Just leave it, will you?” he demanded. Tash tried not to be offended by his outburst, but Dalby could see that she was. He sighed. “Look,” he apologised, “I just…I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Tash nodded. She sniffed. Dalby could see tears forming in her eyes. “Hey,” he said soothingly (and slightly panicked), “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.” Tash shook her head.
“It’s not you,” she sniffled, “I’m seeing Dylan today. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him. What should I say? He’s my brother, but he…he almost killed my best friends! He almost killed me!” That thought was too much to take. She burst into tears, causing Dalby to feel even more uncomfortable than he had with Sally and Flynn (a feat he didn’t think possible).
“It’s okay,” he assured her, dragging up the courage to hold her. “It’ll be okay.” He gingerly patted her back, forcing his bad memories to stay out of this one. He brushed her hair from her face, determined to make her look at him. “It’ll be okay,” he said again, making sure she was listening. “I’ll go with you. I mean, if you want me to.”
Tasha gazed into Dalby’s eyes through the tears in her own. He was like looking into the sea – the same turmoil and calmness all at once. She nodded and laid her head on his shoulder, seeking to be held closer. If she could no longer trust her family or friends, then maybe she could trust an old enemy.

i hope the supposed dates are right on this lot (also i probably should have re-read before posting them)
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29/12/04

“Are you sure you want to do this?” asked Peter cautiously. Tasha looked past the detective and into the direction of the holding cells. Dalby fidgeted beside her, wishing that he could let go of his own fear long enough to help her out with hers (a cell was the last place he wanted to visit). Tasha nodded to be led on.
The three of them ambled through the police station. Dalby could almost hear Tash willing herself to keep it together, though she never said a word. He realised that he should probably be doing the same.
They rounded a corner. The cells (occasionally host to petty thieves and drunkards) today held only one prisoner. Dylan’s eyes lit up at the sight of his unexpected visitors.
“Tash! Eric!” he smiled excitedly, “What are you guys doing here?” Dalby couldn’t understand how Dylan could be so happy; it was as though he had forgotten he was in a jail cell. Dalby was sure that if he were on the other side of those bars, he’d never smile again.
“Um, could you give us a minute?” asked Tash to Peter, who was standing uncomfortably close behind them. In reality, Pete was a good distance away from the two teenagers, but neither one of them felt right about him being there – this was between them and Dylan.
“Sure,” said Peter warily. He didn’t like this idea at all. Both Tasha and Dalby had, in the past, shown that they were quite prepared to break the rules if they thought they had to. And he knew that Dylan meant something to them, or they wouldn’t be here. Still, under the circumstances, he doubted that either of them would try to or even want to have Dylan freed. He backed off a few paces – not so far that he wouldn’t be able to intercept any untoward behaviour – and resigned himself to minding his own business (for the moment at least).
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Dylan told them. “I’ve been so bored.” He stood up to try and hug his sister through the bars, but Pete held up a hand, warning him to stay away from her. Tash was thankful that he did, because she felt suddenly disgusted by the sight of her brother.
“Bored?” she repeated incredulously. “Robbie and Kim are in hospital because of you, and you’re going to sit there and complain that you’re bored?”
“Tash, don’t be like that,” he scolded her.
“Like what?” she demanded. “Upset that you tried to kill my friends?”
“I didn’t mean it to go that far,” Dylan tried to defend himself. “I just wanted to scare them – make them realise that they shouldn’t mess with you.” He smiled at her again, but Tasha just glared. Dylan understood that she was disappointed in him, and took on a more apologetic tone. “I guess I got carried away.”
“You tried to torture them to death!” Dalby interjected. “I don’t think “carried away” quite covers it!”
“Eric, you’re the last person I’d expect to be judging me for this,” he frowned. “I mean you of all people should know what it’s like to get caught up in the moment…when you just can’t control yourself…”
“I am NOTHING like you!” spat Dalby. Dylan smirked as if he’d just heard a joke that no one else could.
“You’re right,” he conceded. “You’re not.
“You’re father will never forgive you for what you did to him.” He came forward again, and wrapped a hand around each of the bars that framed his cruel face. “He will haunt you ‘til the day you die. He will plague your every thought and dream. He will not let you rest until you feel just as dead inside as he is.”
Peter could see that this conversation was fast becoming ugly. He walked back to Dalby and stepped in between him and Dylan. Dalby shook as he struggled to keep his fist clenched at his side. Tash couldn’t believe what Dylan was saying.
“But Angie…” he went on, “Angie’s forgiven me. She knows that I love her, and that I didn’t mean to kill her. And now she’s come back to me. She’s come back so I can make it right.”
Peter determined that it was definitely time for some intervention.
“Okay,” he said, ushering Tasha and Dalby away from the cell, “I think that’s enough. Dylan, why don’t you go and sit back down? Try to get some rest. Tasha, Dalby, I think it might be best if you go home now – maybe come back later.” Pete had no intention of allowing them back here.

“Why was he talking like that?” asked Tasha, visibly shaken as they reached the reception area. “Angie’s dead – he knows she’s dead! Why was he talking about her like she was still alive?” Dalby put his hand on her shoulder, but it didn’t seem to help. She looked imploringly to him, desperate to be given some kind of explanation for it all. “Why would he say those things to you? Why would he be so mean?”
“Because he’s a jerk?” suggested Dalby insensitively. Peter thought a little more seriously about it. He had seen erratic behaviour like this before, and it chilled him to the bone as he remembered where. He could only pray that Dylan Russell wasn’t headed down the same path as Sarah Lewis.
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30/12/04

Kim sat with his chin resting on his thumbs as he watched Robbie sleeping. His fingers were clasped tightly under his nose, a subconscious act of prayer for his baby to be okay.
He couldn’t stand it any longer. He had to touch him. He had to feel that he was breathing, and know that his blood was still running warm beneath his pallid skin. He placed a timid hand on the small space of chest left exposed by Robbie’s hospital gown. Kim closed his eyes, taking in every reassurance that this offered him. He felt Robbie’s heart beating – slow and calm at first, but then it grew suddenly faster.
Kim opened his eyes. A second later, Robbie did the same and gasped – he was petrified.
“Rob?” asked Kim, not knowing what the matter was.
Robbie could feel someone touching him – a hand near his neck. He didn’t know whose it was or what was happening to him. All he knew was that he was in danger.
“Get away!” he fought weakly. Kim quickly withdrew his hand.
“Rob…” he repeated sadly. He didn’t understand. “Robbie,” he tried, “It’s alright. It’s me, Kim.”
Robbie closed his eyes and shook his head. He wouldn’t fall for Dylan’s lies. Kim was scared.
“Robbie!” Kim held him by the shoulders and demanded that his boyfriend look at him. Robbie’s eyes snapped open again, and met the pale-blue windows of his lover’s soul. He trembled violently in his bed, gradually allowing his sharp intakes of breath to slow down. He tried to say something – apologise maybe – but all he could manage was a tired squeak. How could he be so stupid?
Kim hated seeing him like this. And he hated himself for triggering it. He laid his head on the pillow next to Robbie’s and petted his hair. This did little to ease the tension in Robbie’s shivering body. In fact, it seemed to keep it elevated.
“It’s okay,” Kim whispered, increasingly drained by the sound of Robbie sobbing in his ear. Robbie closed his eyes again, refusing to look at Kim. He was so ashamed – why was he being such a little girl about this?
Kim stared into space, afraid of doing anything that might upset Robbie further. This was no way for either of them to live.

Kim sat away from Robbie, who had eventually managed to get back to sleep. It had taken a few very long and painfully silent minutes, but he had done it. Kim wouldn’t be selfish enough to try and touch him again.
Kim looked up as he heard footsteps scuffing up the hallway. Flynn passed the door, looking as though he was on his way to somewhere. Kim didn’t care. He sprang up and called the doctor back to him.
“Flynn!” Flynn stopped in his tracks, and turned to see Kim gently shutting the door of Robbie’s room behind him. “Can I talk to you?” Flynn seemed about to say no, but reconsidered. He had a bit of time before his next appointment.
“Sure,” he agreed helpfully, “What’s up?” That was a good question.
“It’s Robbie,” began Kim. “He’s…” He didn’t quite know how to explain it. “He’s not right. It’s like he’s here, but he’s not, you know? He wakes up and doesn’t realise where he is or who I am. And then when I tell him, he just seems…distant, or something. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”
“Well he’s been through some pretty serious trauma,” Flynn reminded him. “It’s going to take him a while to get over it. Just give him some time. I’m sure he’ll come to you when he’s ready.”
Kim wasn’t so sure. He looked off to the side and shook his head, holding his arms across his chest.
“He’s getting worse Flynn. Before he didn’t want me to kiss him, but now it’s like I can’t even touch him. He’s just so scared of me.”
“Kim,” (Flynn could see that he was upset) “I know this is hard, but you can’t take it personally. Victims of physical abuse sometimes have problems dealing with intimacy – even with people they care about. Something as simple as holding his hand could feel like a threat to Robbie.”
“A threat?” said Kim in disbelief. “But I love him! Why would I threaten him?”
“It doesn’t have to be a threat of violence,” Flynn tried to explain calmly. “The thought of you wanting something more from him could be just as terrifying right now.”
“But I don’t want anything from him,” said Kim looking lovingly back at Robbie through the darkened window of the door. “I just want to be there for him.” He fought back a desperate tear as it welled in the corner of his eye. “How do I make him understand that?”
Flynn looked away – distracted as he saw Eric (and Tasha) approaching from the other end of the hallway.
‘I wish I knew,’ he thought.
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31/12/04

Tasha kept close to Dalby, her armed linked firmly with his. She looked like a bride being led down the isle of a wedding she didn’t want.
She forced a smile as she saw Kim standing outside Robbie’s room. He did the same for her, though neither of them felt genuinely happy enough for this to last.
Dalby caught site of Flynn, and stopped without meaning to. Tasha tried to keep walking, only to realise that she was snagged on her immobile companion. She looked to him questioningly, but he wasn’t looking at her. Tasha followed Dalby’s eye-line to Flynn, who was staring back at Dalby, just as intensely.
“Hi,” said Flynn, as if Eric was the only person there.
“Hey,” Dalby responded accordingly.
Tasha watched them curiously. There was definitely something they weren’t saying – something that might explain why Dalby had been on the beach that morning.
“Hi Tasha,” added Flynn, finally registering her. “Are you here to see Robbie?” Tasha nodded (it was the least she could do). “Okay. Kim, could you take her in? I just wanted to talk to Dalby about something.”
Kim, unimpressed that Flynn had done little to help him, grudgingly did as he was asked.
“So,” said Flynn, looking around the now empty hallway, “Alone at last.”
“Is that supposed to be funny?” glared Dalby.
“Uh, no,” said Flynn awkwardly. “Sorry.”
“Oh, don’t let me stop you,” said Dalby, scorned. “You’re obviously having a great time. Tell me, what did you find more hilarious: the part where you told me you loved me, and then rejected me, or the part where you were all over Sally just to make sure that I knew what an idiot I was?”
“Eric, that’s not what I – ”
“Don’t bother,” he waved his hand. “I should have known I couldn’t trust you. You’re just like my father! He was always toying with me. He thought it was funny too. He’d tell me that he’d love me, and then he’d…” He paused. The fire suddenly left his voice. “He’d ask me to prove that I loved him too.” He stepped over to the wall and secured his back against it. “He only made me do it when he was drunk.” He looked so vacant now. “He’d get angry if I didn’t do what I was asked.”
Dalby slid down the wall and brought his knees up to his chest. Flynn didn’t know what to say to him.
“Eric,” Flynn crouched down beside him, “What exactly did he ask you to do?”
Eric shook his head – he didn’t want to say it.
“Eric,” prodded Flynn, sensing that this was about more than the beatings, “Tell me what he did to you.”
Eric pulled his knees up tighter and hid his face behind them. He’d never told anyone about this before.
“My dad said,” he began meekly, “That if I didn’t do what I was told, then he’d force me to do it. But if he had to force me,” he stared out into space, “Then that meant that I didn’t love him. He said that if I was prepared to hurt him like that, then he’d make sure to hurt me just as bad. At first I didn’t believe him, but then…” A tear ran down his cheek. “I should have believed him.”
Flynn sat down against the wall and put a loose arm across Eric’s shoulders. Eric felt a little nervous about this, but strangely not as scared as he thought he would. Then he remembered: Flynn was a good man.
“I never thought you’d force me, you know,” Eric assured him. “I know you’re not like that.” Flynn nodded – that was a start, he guessed. “I just thought I owed it to you to give you what you wanted.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” said Flynn seriously. “Why would you think that I’d want that anyway?”
“You told me that you loved me,” said Eric, shaking his head at his own twisted logic. “Whenever my dad said that, it was always lead to…bad stuff. I just thought that maybe if I started it – if I had some kind of control – then, I don’t know, it might be good or something.” He shrugged. “Robbie and Kim seem to like it. I thought, maybe it’s different if it’s with someone who really cares about you.”
“No one who really cares about you would ask you to do that for them,” stated Flynn. “And you’re only 16 – no adult has the right to even look at you that way. Do you understand?” Eric nodded. “Good, because I meant what I said last night. I do love you and I am going to take care of you, okay?” He nodded again, a smile creeping onto his tear-soaked face. Flynn smiled as well. “Oh, but just so we’re clear, you don’t actually have any feelings for me, right? Romantically speaking?” Dalby laughed.
“Sorry, no.” Flynn gave a dramatic sigh of relief.
“Oh thank God, because that could have gotten really awkward. Not that I’d blame you of course; I am a very attractive man.” He grinned and so did Dalby. Flynn stood up.
“I’ve gotta get back to work,” he reminded himself. He helped Eric to his feet. “I’ll see you at home?”
“Yeah,” Eric smiled sincerely (it was good to be able to do that again). “See ya.”
______________________________________________________
01/01/05

Dalby walked into the hospital room to see Tasha sitting at Robbie’s bedside. Robbie smiled as Tash took up his hand and rubbed the back of it with her thumb. Kim stood (arms still crossed over his chest) at the end of the bed, watching them. He didn’t want to be, but it was pretty clear that he was jealous.
“Hi,” Dalby drew attention to himself. The three friends looked back at him.
“Dalby,” said Robbie, obviously not sure what tone to use, “Did Flynn tell you to come and see me?” It was a fair assumption, being that Flynn had recently asked Robbie to do the same for Dalby.
“Well, he suggested it,” admitted Dalby, “And I didn’t say no. I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Dalby couldn’t help feeling out of place here. “Um, I’m going to go get something to eat,” he excused himself, “Anyone want anything?” Tash shook her head. Robbie didn’t say anything and Kim didn’t seem to register that anything had been said. “Okay then.” He gave a nod to Tash to make sure that she was fine with him leaving. She returned it compliantly, and so he headed for the door.
“Wait up,” said Kim, breaking his brooding silence. “I’ll come with you.”

Dalby stood awkwardly beside Kim at the vending machine. His plan to escape had failed horribly. The worst part was, he wasn’t even hungry.
“Are you going to get anything?” he asked Kim, who was staring blankly through the glass.
Kim placed a hand at the top of the machine, bracing himself against it. He stood still.
How could it be so easy for Tasha to hold him like that? Why didn’t Robbie shudder when she did? He shook his head, unable to comprehend it, and slammed an open palm onto the glass.
Dalby stood back as Kim hit the vending machine again, and again, grunting with frustration.
Why wasn’t Robbie afraid of her? What had he done to turn Robbie away? It didn’t make any sense! It wasn’t fair!
Dalby kept watching from a safe distance as the machine thudded and rattled. He didn’t try to stop it. He didn’t know exactly what this was about, but he could tell that it was something that Kim needed to work out on his own. Better to work it out on a machine than on someone he ‘loved’, thought Dalby.

“I’m glad they left,” confessed Tasha, still stroking Robbie’s hand.
“Me too,” agreed Robbie. “Although I really should have asked Kim to go and steal me some ice-chips from Maternity – I love those things. Mum had them when she was pregnant with the twins and – ”
“Robbie,” Tasha stopped him, placing a gentle hand on his cheek. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“For what?”
“For this,” she cried, “All of this is my fault. If I hadn’t gotten so upset and told Dylan – ”
“Tash,” he held her hand again, “You are the last person to blame here, okay? I cheated on you – WE cheated on you. That’s a pretty fair thing to get upset about.” Tash nodded – it really was. Robbie smiled at her briefly, then resumed being serious. “I am so sorry I hurt you like that. If I could take it back…”
“Would you?” she asked.
“What?”
“Would you take back being with Kim, if it meant not hurting me?” It was quite possibly the most difficult hypothetical he’d ever been asked.
“Tash, I…”
He thought for a moment about what it might have meant to stay with her: no pain or suffering. No guilt or shame. No fear to speak of. It might have been nice.
“Tash…” He still couldn’t find an answer for her. The last time he remembered being truly safe and happy was with her, but he had thrown all that away. He had thrown it away for his friend, Kim, who he could no-longer stand to be near. He had gambled everything and lost, but now Tasha seemed to be offering him a chance to win it all back.
She moved her hand across his neck. He still felt safe with her. He knew that she could never hurt him, even if she wanted to. He curled his fingers through her hair, and led her face down to his. She almost resisted him, but couldn’t. They kissed.
It should have been what they both wanted, but the guilt and the fear in Robbie’s heart didn’t go away. The place that he had hoped for her to fill with happiness, just stung with remorse. Tasha, for her part, felt the same. Evidently, two wrongs did not make a right.
“I think I should go,” she said. Robbie nodded, eyes closed in apology for having dragged her down with him. He heard her go. She didn’t deserve these games and, quite frankly, he was sick of playing them.

________________________________________________
and on that note, fanfic girl is going to kill me

ooooooooooooo...I didn't realize this was going again until just now. wheeeee

*makes popcorn*

*curses everything for not being able to log in* my mistakes will go incorrected forever!

*sweeps loose popcorn away from heitie*
_______________________________________

02/01/05

Beth wandered through the hospital to Robbie’s room. She was glad to see a familiar face ahead of her.
“Tasha,” she called. Tash froze. She had hoped to get out of here without running into anyone.
“Hi Beth,” she said politely. “Are you here to see Robbie? Did you get any of Kim’s messages?”
“Yes,” said Beth, rather blasé. “Kim wasn’t very clear, but it sounded like Robbie was okay. Is he?”
“Why don’t you see for yourself?” asked Kim over Tasha’s shoulder. Tasha jumped at his sudden arrival (with good reason, thought Dalby, who was trailing sheepishly behind him). “That is, if you’re not too busy. I called you like seven times yesterday,” Kim bitterly explained his quip, “Where were you?”
“I was in the city with the twins,” Beth defended herself, with a tone that suggested that she should be doing no such thing (the bitter feeling was more than mutual).
“What, all night?” pressed Kim.
“We got in late,” Beth’s voice grew louder, “And your messages sounded like you had everything under control. I didn’t see any point in worrying the kids just because their stupid brother and his irresponsible 'boyfriend' snuck out and got themselves into trouble!” Kim’s fingers flexed into a tight fist at his side.
“Beth,” Tasha tried to keep some peace between them, “It wasn’t like that.”
“Really?” said Beth. “By the way Kim, Jesse called yesterday morning. He was wondering if you were going to be at work, seeing as how you had a big night. It seems he saw you stumbling out of Noah’s, drunk, with Dylan Russell. I told him I didn’t know what you were doing – you never came home.” She glared at him. “What, it wasn’t enough to cheat on my daughter; you had to do it to my son as well?” Tasha and Dalby both looked at Kim – panicked by the thought of what this deplorable accusation could provoke. “I suppose Robbie saw you two together and did something stupid because of it,” Beth kept running her mouth. “That’s why he’s here, isn’t it?” Kim swore he could taste blood; his jaw was clenched so hard.
“Go talk to Robbie,” he shuddered, forcing himself to stay still. “I’ll be here when you want to apologize.” He jerked his head in the direction of Robbie’s room. Beth scoffed at the idea of apologizing to him and left to see her son, relieving Tasha and Dalby greatly. Kim exhaled and looked down at his stinging palm. He surveyed the four tiny moon-shaped cuts on his flushed skin. Tash and Dalby lingered awkwardly.
“Um, I was about to go home,” Tash informed him quietly, “But if you want me to stay…”
“No,” said Kim. “I’m fine.” Tasha nodded, not wanting to test his welcome release of her. She motioned for Dalby to follow her out. Dalby gave a brief look of condolence to Kim, and then did as Tasha willed.

“God, why is everyone being so horrible today?” demanded Tash as she stormed into her empty lounge-room. “First Dylan says that stuff about you’re dad ‘haunting’ you – you know that’s garbage, right?”
“I don’t believe in ghosts,” Dalby half-heartedly agreed. He didn’t really think that’s what Dylan meant, but either way, he didn’t want to go into it. Besides, Tasha seemed to be in the middle of something here.
“Then Beth accuses Kim of cheating on Robbie with Dylan!” she ranted. “Who does she think she is?”
“Um, Robbie’s mum?” answered Dalby dangerously. Tasha glared at his insolence.
“Yeah, well she might try acting like it. Some mother – she doesn’t even care that he’s in hospital. All she cares about is blaming Kim for it, even though it’s totally not his fault.” Tasha looked away as she said this. “Poor Kim. He’s been through so much already. To have to hear her say those awful things…” She looked so guilty as she spoke about him. Dalby sensed that there was more to this.
“Tash, is there something you’re not telling me?” She turned on him quickly.
“No!” she protested, “Why would there be?” Dalby crossed his arms and waited for a truthful response. She tried to maintain a façade of bewildered innocence, but eventually let it fall. “Alright,” she confessed, “I may have…accidentally…I kissed Robbie.” She saw the look of shock on Dalby’s face. “Well he kissed me!” she defended herself. “It was a mistake,” she admitted. “All these lectures I’ve been giving Robbie and Kim about how friends don’t kiss friends’ boyfriends...” Dalby took a moment to process that.
“Well what are you going to do?” he asked (once he understood what she had said). He remembered what Kim had done to the vending machine on the mere thought of Tasha usurping him. “You can’t tell Kim.”
“What?” asked Tash, unaware of Kim’s recent outburst. “Why?”
“You just can’t,” said Dalby. “Look, you said it was a mistake, so you’re not going to do it again, right? So why does Kim have to know? Just pretend like it never happened.” Tash wasn’t sure she could do that. After all, her biggest gripe with being cheated on was being lied to. Could she really lie to Kim?
She nodded. Somehow, lying seemed like the right thing to do. It would only hurt Kim to know the truth, and like Dalby said, it wasn’t going to happen again.
Right or wrong – Dalby didn’t care. He just wanted her to be safe.
-------------------------
hey, i'm logged in. what the...o.o?

i didnt' read this chapter before posting it, so hopefully it makes sense
_____________________________________________________
03/01/05

Kim sat in the hall of the hospital, people walking in and out of his tunneled vision. He was still angry.
Beth had no idea what she was talking about. She had no idea what he and Robbie had been through. But worse still, Kim got the feeling that, even if she did know, she wouldn’t have cared.
She was so wrapped up in the past, determined to punish him for hurting her daughter, even if it meant devastating her son in the process. It wasn’t fair, thought Kim shaking his head, and it wasn’t right.
“Kim?” A meek voice brought him back from his seething.
“Beth.” He was surprised that she had approached him so gently. She almost appeared shameful.
“I talked to Robbie,” she explained. “He wouldn’t tell me everything that happened, but he said that you were there for him, so…thank you.” It wasn’t exactly the apology that Kim was hoping for, but it would do.
“Well you do that for the people you love,” he said pointedly, “Be there for them. No matter what.” This comment was not lost on Beth.
“Look, Kim, about what I said before…It was callous.”
“It was disgusting.” There was still a distinct air of wounded rage around him.
“I was wrong,” she admitted again. “I’m sorry.”
So there it was, an apology. It occurred to Kim now that that was far too easy, but he nodded his acceptance none-the-less. (Robbie had endured over eight hours of torture for him, the least he could do was swallow his pride.) Beth attempted to smile at him. She hadn’t enjoyed this anymore than he had.
“So I talked to Flynn,” she pressed on hastily. “He says we can take Robbie home tomorrow.”
“We?” Kim questioned her inclusion of him.
“Well you do still live with us, don’t you?”
“Do I?” Kim tested her. Beth was reluctant to spell out her self-decided defeat.
“I don’t approve of what you’re doing Kim. And I don’t approve of what you’re leading my son to do. But despite what I might think of your relationship with Robbie, upsetting him right now is the last thing I want to do. If he’d feel more comfortable having you in the house while he recovers, then I’m willing to accept that. But only while he recovers,” she warned. “And I don’t think I need to say this, but I’d appreciate it if you kept your hands to yourself. Though I doubt even you’d try to do anything with him in this state.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” glared Kim. Such generosity Beth showed, taking the time to warn him off his own seriously injured boyfriend. Beth didn’t like his sarcasm.
“You can sleep in the TV room to be sure.”

“I can walk you know,” Robbie laughed (nervously) as Kim made to carry him from Beth’s car.
“I know,” said Kim, shifting Robbie’s weight in his arms, “But Flynn told me to take care of you and that’s what I’m going to do.” Doctor’s orders or no, Kim was determined to somehow make everything okay; Robbie was determined to keep pretending that it already was.
Kim carefully lifted Robbie up off the back seat and turned towards the house.
“The sooner I get you into bed the better.”
“Um, I don’t think that’s what Flynn meant by taking care of me,” joked Robbie. Kim smirked at him.
“Yeah well, the sooner I can do that the better, too,” retorted Kim. Robbie smiled, but his eyes didn’t follow the action. Contrary to his teasing, he wasn’t at all keen to resume their physical intimacy.
Beth stood on the other side of the car, watching as Kim cradled her baby over the threshold. She followed them silently into the house, and on to Robbie’s room. Without a word, she went to his bed and turned down the sheets.
Robbie gritted his teeth as Kim lowered him onto the mattress. It was a welcome change from the hospital one (softer, and inherently warmer), but he had little chance to indulge in it – his side hurt so much.
“Shh,” cooed Kim quietly as Robbie squeaked at him. Every time Robbie made a sound of pain, it was like Kim felt it in his own body. He knelt down beside the bed and laid a palm on the heavily bandaged wound above Robbie’s hip, as if somehow hoping to heal it. Beth scowled at him, wondering if he even knew the meaning of ‘Keep your hands to yourself.’
“Looks like the trip’s knocked you around a bit,” she appraised Robbie, in an effort to distract herself from another confrontation with Kim (whom she blamed for most of the knocking). “I think we’ll let you get some sleep.” She began towards the door. “You just call us if you need anything. Kim?” She gestured for him to follow her out. He stood up and pawed tenderly at Robbie, reluctant to leave him on his own.
“I love you,” Kim assured him. He planted a quick, non-threatening kiss on Robbie’s cheek. Robbie smiled weakly, but couldn’t say ‘I love you’ in return; How could he if he wasn’t even sure it was true?

okay, let's just pretend that the dates still make sense...(just like we'll pretend that the rest of this does )
_________________________________
04/01/05

Shallow breathing…whimpering in the darkness. Kim’s eyelids fluttered open to the strange sound. He squinted up from the cushion he was sleeping on to the bedroom door, which had been left open a crack.
“Robbie?” he whispered uncomfortably from his place on the TV-room lounge. In the bedroom, Robbie stopped still. He hadn’t meant to wake Kim up.
“Go back to sleep,” his disembodied voice shivered. Kim, still half-asleep as it was, made to do as he was told. He settled back into the cushion. Then, a minute later, he heard the sound again: his baby in pain.
“Rob?” Kim sat up in concern. Groggily, he went to the door and pushed it open. The ghostly green light from the nearby clock radio lit Robbie’s face, just enough to see that he had been crying. “Rob…”
Kim knelt down beside him and stroked his arm. Robbie didn’t want to admit how much he was hurting – how much he was feeling the absence of a ready supply of hospital drugs. He didn’t want to give Dylan the satisfaction of having done this to him. And most of all, he didn’t want to appear weak.
“Rob,” repeated Kim gently, “What’s wrong?” Robbie’s arm jerked subconsciously under Kim’s hand. Kim backed off and resigned himself to fondling the sheets beside, heated by Robbie’s flushed body.
Robbie gritted his teeth behind his lips, determined not to let Kim see his pain. Kim held his hand. Robbie almost pulled away again on instinct, but then he looked into Kim’s eyes. No matter what his tortured body was telling him, he knew that Kim loved him. He knew there was no point in hiding from him.
“It hurts,” Robbie finally breathed. His eyes watered again.
Kim made a move to hold him, but stopped himself. Robbie had been so afraid of him lately; maybe forcing contact wasn’t the best way to comfort him. He settled for placing a loving hand at Robbie’s collar.
Robbie closed his eyes, shuddering a little. He opened his mouth as if he was going to tell Kim to let him go, but no words came out. Instead he just let the sensation of Kim’s skin linger on his own.
He moved his own hand slowly towards Kim’s. Kim thought that Robbie was going to push him away, until he noticed his boyfriend’s fingers curling around him; Robbie didn’t want Kim to go anywhere.
“Stay with me?” Robbie pleaded, suddenly disliking the idea of being left alone. Kim thought carefully about what Robbie was asking. He looked out to the rest of the house through the open door.
“You know you’re mum will kill me if she finds me in here with you.”
“I don’t care,” said Robbie defiantly.
“Oh, thanks,” said Kim with mock insult. Robbie almost allowed himself to smile. Kim, seeing this, knew that Robbie’s lighter side wasn’t entirely gone and considered that maybe this could be all right.
He nodded to show his decision. Robbie closed his eyes briefly, praying that he had done the right thing.
Kim watched nervously as Robbie rolled over to make room for him in the single bed. Robbie brought his knees up slowly to his chest, and waited silently for Kim to join him from behind.
Kim took a deep breath and lifted up the covers. Robbie shivered at the draft on his back. Kim sat down and swung his legs onto the bed, letting the quilt fall across them. He turned in towards his boyfriend.
Robbie was no longer cold with Kim’s chest shuffling closer to his back, but he didn’t stop shivering. Kim laid a careful arm across Robbie’s stomach in an effort to keep him safe and warm. Robbie flinched without meaning to. He knew that Kim wanting to hold him was not a bad thing, but that didn’t keep him from being inwardly panicked about it. What if Kim was expecting more?
Kim didn’t let go as he normally did when Robbie reacted like this. Lying there, he realised that Robbie was not the only one who was afraid. He himself would have to learn to stop fearing Robbie’s rejection of him. If he could be strong and keep holding on, then maybe Robbie would get used to it and be okay.
Robbie breathed rapidly for a few moments, and then, when he realised that Kim was on the same page, started to calm down. Kim sighed with relief at feeling something close to a normal heartbeat beneath him.
“It’ll be okay, you know,” he whispered to Robbie’s back. “You won’t be scared forever. We’ll get through this, I promise.” He kissed Robbie’s shoulder and then sank quietly down into the pillow.
Robbie didn’t attempt a response. He hoped that Kim didn’t need one. All he wanted to do was cry. Not from physical pain, but hopelessness. He saw no end to this living hell, despite Kim’s oblivious optimism.
Robbie couldn’t tell Kim the full story of what had happened. If Kim knew that Dylan had tried to take advantage of him, and that that was the reason he was so afraid…Robbie was disgusted with himself for even making the connection. Imagine what Kim would think, being compared to that deranged, perverted psychopath! Add to that his transgression with Tasha, and Robbie was well and truly trapped by his guilt.
He felt Kim’s chest rise against his back, and then fall in the pattern of someone resuming a peaceful sleep. Robbie sighed and closed his eyes again, willing himself to gain the calm and comfort from this that he desperately sought. Somehow, he didn’t think that getting back to sleep would be quite so easy for him.
________________________________________________

05/01/05

Robbie stared blankly across to the other side of the room. The morning light had only just crept in.
“How are you feeling?” asked Kim, as he held Robbie a little closer. Robbie nodded; he was okay. “What are you looking at?” Robbie kept his back to him in mild avoidance. He was beginning to adjust to the idea of Kim’s weight in his bed – on his body. It still unnerved him, but he seemed to be coping with it for now.
“Your guitar,” answered Robbie absently. He hadn’t really been all that focussed on the instrument, but it was the clearest thing in his range of vision at the moment.
He thought of a way to literally get Kim off his back.
“Play me something?”
Kim smiled. He kissed Robbie’s shoulder and rolled away from the bed. Robbie blinked slowly, trying to settle his face into an expression of quiet adoration, rather than relief.
Kim picked up the guitar. He drew a lumpy beanbag under himself and sat down, still smiling at Robbie as he steadied the guitar over his knee. Robbie smiled back (not too unconvincingly, he hoped).
Kim began to strum the guitar. He stopped a few times, adjusting the tuning as he went, and then began to pluck the strings into a slow, somber melody.
“Somewhere, deep inside, something’s got a hold on you,” he started to sing. “And it’s pushing me aside, see it stretch on forever…” He began to strum loudly as he moved into the chorus, but Robbie had had enough of that far too appropriate song.
“Something else, maybe?” he interrupted. Kim stopped, sensing that he’d struck a nerve. It dawned on him that one night with Robbie hadn’t fixed everything like he’d hoped. He began a different song.
“So here we are,” he sang directly to Robbie, slower, and with more intention. “We are alone. There’s weight on your mind. I want to know, the truth, if this is how you feel…” Robbie cringed at the lyrics, but didn’t stop Kim – he knew they were purposely chosen. “Say it to me, if this was ever real…
“I want the truth from you. Give me the truth, even if it hurts me. I want to truth from you. Give me the truth, even if it hurts me…” He put down the guitar and let the last line echo over the reverberation of his final strum. “I want the truth.”
Robbie didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. The truth, even if it hurts him…It would hurt him, so much.
“Kim…” He didn’t want to try and explain how messed up his feelings were right now.
“Please Robbie,” Kim begged him. “We haven’t been right for a while now. I want to believe that it’s just because you’re still freaked out over Dylan, but…” He didn’t know what to believe. “If there’s something wrong here, you have to tell me. Please.”
Robbie considered this. Kim was already hurting; keeping secrets from him wasn’t going to make that any better. He swallowed hard, trying to muster the courage – searching his mind for the right, easy words.
“Kim,” he tried sadly, “This isn’t because of anything you’ve done. You have to understand that.” Kim nodded, happy to agree with anything that Robbie said if it meant he’d keep talking. “I’m just really confused right now. I don’t know how I feel about anything, or what I want.”
“You mean, you don’t know how you feel about me,” Kim concluded darkly. “You’re not sure if you…‘want’ me.”
“Don’t say it like that,” Robbie said to the sordid nature his confession had taken on.
“How should I say it then?” asked Kim, clearly devastated by the news. Robbie thought about it.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Kim, you know I care about you,” he tried to remind him, “You know I do.” Kim didn’t seem all that concerned with whether or not Robbie ‘cared’ about him.
“Do you still love me?” he asked, point-blank. Robbie stalled. Kim wanted to walk out right then, but his feet wouldn’t move. He stared at Robbie, tears welling in his eyes as he waited for a verbal answer.
“I don’t know,” Robbie conceded painfully. Kim still couldn’t bring himself to move. He nodded again, trying to display some kind of understanding for where his boyfriend was coming from. (Could he still call him his boyfriend?) He got up and headed towards the door.
“Kim,” Robbie tried to stop him from leaving, but Kim couldn’t listen to this right now. Another word and he’d loose it.
He tugged at the door handle, drawing it to an ominous close behind him. Robbie jumped as it shut against its frame – inordinately loud in this bitter silence.
Robbie rolled onto his back and felt across the bed to the place where Kim had been laying with him. It was still warm. He stroked it thoughtfully, wondering if Kim would ever lie there again, wondering if it would someday feel okay for that to happen.
________________________________________________
06/01/05

Kim stood outside the bedroom. He’d been away for hours now, trying to decide how best to proceed, trying to convince himself to go through with it.
He opened the door quietly and peaked inside the room before entering. Robbie was still there, curled up, asleep on the bed where Kim himself had been resting. Kim smiled inwardly, but couldn’t sustain it.
He went to his own side of the bedroom and picked up an old sports bag. He opened it, holding the zip together to keep the noise down. He looked inside it, dark and empty. He sighed and lifted it onto his bed.
He glanced over at Robbie, still asleep (he’d been too anxious to sleep the night before). He went to the draws. Clothes and a few CDs; he didn’t pack much. He didn’t want to have to need much. He wanted to be back here in his room – in their room – within the week. He packed one of Robbie’s shirts as well.
He hauled the bag onto his back and took a small piece of paper from his pocket. He paused, staring through it as he reassured himself that this was the right thing to do.
Robbie’s eyelashes fluttered as he dreamed. He held tightly to the pillow. Kim wanted to be that pillow.
The edges of the paper caught around his fingers as he reluctantly lowered it onto the open mattress. Robbie didn’t stir. Kim wanted so much to touch him, but he couldn’t stand the thought of waking him, and having to explain this. He sniffed, shaking his head free of any further emotion, and left the room.

Robbie rolled over in an attempt to find a more comfortable position to sleep in. Something crumpled underneath him. He opened his eyes, concerned with what it was he’d accidentally crushed.
He held it out in front of him – folded paper. He squinted at it with tired eyes. There was writing inside:

Rob,
I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life, which is why this is so hard for me. I don’t want to leave you alone like this, but I think you need some space to figure things out. Take your time. I’ll be around.

Always,
Kim XX

Robbie stared at Kim’s name for a long time. He couldn’t bring himself to reread the rest of the letter.
He stood up slowly and walked across the room to Kim’s draws. There was enough missing to tell Robbie that the note was serious.
He sat down on Kim’s bed. This was what he wanted – space. No one near him to touch him or threaten him. So why did it feel so wrong?
He lay down, clutching the note in his hand. He nestled into Kim’s vacant pillow and brought the quilt up to cover himself. Without Kim there, he felt cold. He closed his eyes tightly and shivered to try and make himself warmer. It must have worked. He was soon asleep again, dreaming of the day that Kim would forgive him for being so selfish.

Kim sat on the beach with his bag, watching the sun go down and wondering what he should do now.
“Hi Kim,” called Tasha as she saw him there alone. She noticed the bag. “What’s that for?”
“Hey Tash,” he replied distantly. “Uh…” She was the last person he wanted to tell. “I’m moving out of Robbie’s place for a while.” He saw her concern. “We haven’t split up or anything,” he told her, “We both just need some time apart after this whole Dylan thing. Sort some stuff out.” Tasha felt a twinge of guilt. She sincerely hoped that she wasn’t a part of that ‘stuff’. Kim jealously thought that she might have been.
“So where are you going to stay?” Tasha asked. Kim didn’t respond. He hadn’t really thought about it. “You could always come and stay at Irene’s place,” she offered. It seemed odd that Tash would want that.
“I don’t know,” said Kim warily. “The last time I crossed paths with Irene, she scalded me with coffee.”
“She’ll be fine,” Tash assured him. “She’s over all that now – we both are. And Kirsty and Kane won’t mind. Come on, I bet your old room’s still how you left it.” He couldn’t shake the suspicion that this was all some kind of master plan to keep him away from Robbie, as crazy as that sounded.
“Thanks,” he decided to cling to his last lingering shred of sanity and accept her act of friendship.
Tash helped him up off the beach, silently cursing herself for making life more difficult. Hiding the truth from Kim about her kiss with Robbie would have been hard enough anyway, but now that she had cornered herself into seeing him – lying to him – every single day…It was going to be damn near impossible.
__________________________________________

07/01/05

Robbie kept dreaming. Hidden underneath the covers, he didn’t hear the other person enter the room.
Kit looked at the mound of blankets that was sure to be her boyfriend. She climbed onto Kim’s bed, grinning to herself as she laid a sneaky arm over the top of the quilt. It wriggled pleasantly to her touch.
She smiled and put her head on his shoulder (strange, even with the bulk of the bedding, it felt smaller and bonier than she remembered it).
Robbie smiled too, still dreaming of Kim holding him close, and not being afraid.
They felt comfortably content together.
“Kim…” they both sighed adoringly.
Each opened their eyes to the unexpected voice of the other. Kit dragged the bed covers away.
“Robbie!” she screamed at him in alarm.
“Kit!” he did the same.
They stared at each other for a moment as the realisation of what they were just doing set in.
“Oh god,” said Kit mortified as she hurried off the bed. Robbie – face twisted in disgust – vacated as well.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded, pained by the sudden movement.
“Scott and I just got back from Paris!” Kit snapped. “What are you doing in Kim’s bed?” She noticed the crumpled bit of paper that Robbie had left near the pillow. “What’s this?” She began unraveling it.
“Don’t!” Robbie warned her. He didn’t want her to find out like this. He lunged at her, hurting himself in the process. He sat back down, holding his side. Kit didn’t realise; She was too busy skimming the note.
“Is this a love letter?” she almost laughed. “It is, isn’t it?” She taunted him, mistaking his pain for embarrassment. She read the note out loud with evil, sisterly glee.
“‘To my dearest Robbie,’” she quoted melodramatically.
“It doesn’t say that,” Robbie grumbled angrily to the ground. He winced as he tried to calm his stitches.
“‘I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life…’” She ignored him. “Aww, that’s so cute.” Robbie glared at her. “‘Which is why this is so hard for me…’” The delight slowly faded from her voice. “Rob, has Tasha broken up with you?” She almost sounded sorry for him. Robbie didn’t care.
“Just keep reading,” he instructed her bitterly. She had to find out about this sooner or later, and if she was so interested in his love life…
“‘I don’t want to leave you alone like this…’” She recited this much more flatly, and decided to read the rest quietly to herself. Robbie watched her eyes linger heavily on the last line. She’d seen who it was from.
“Kim.” She looked up at Robbie. “This is from Kim?” Robbie didn’t say anything. Kit shook her head, starting to laugh again. “This is a joke, right? You guys are playing some kind of stupid prank.”
“It’s not a joke,” said Robbie.
“What, you and Kim are together? Yeah right.” Her tone was more of denial than dismissal.
“It’s true,” Robbie told her. “Or it was.” He stared at the note. “I don’t know what we are anymore.”
Kit turned the paper over in her hand, looking at it from every angle. She grinned to herself.
“You know I always knew this would happen,” she reflected. “Not specifically with MY boyfriend, but I always knew you’d end up shagging some guy. I even bet Dad a carton of beer on it. ‘Course, I’d just take the thirty bucks now.” She smiled upwards, silently inviting her father to come back to earth and pay up.
“You and Dad bet on whether or not I was gay…” Robbie repeated slowly, “For beer?”
“Yep,” she laughed. “He just thought you were a bit of a wuss, and that if he was extra hard on you he could toughen you up. But I guess that didn’t work too well, did it?” Robbie stared at her. Did she actually think this was funny? “Oh come on Rob,” she said as she sat down beside him. “Don’t look at me like that.” She put her arm around him, hoping to cheer him up. “Like I said, I’ve been waiting for this little epiphany for a while now. Kim though – who knew? But it’s all right. I reckon I got over him in Paris. I was only coming here to make sure, you know? So no hard feelings.” Robbie turned away from her coldly.
“Okay,” she caved as if bowing to a spoilt princess. “I am a little disappointed in you for stealing my man. But I guess it wasn’t going to last if he’d rather have you than me. I mean if you guys wanna be gay...”
Robbie stood up suddenly. He could no longer feign interest in her ‘support’. Kit looked at him strangely.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. She saw no reason for him to be upset after she’d taken everything so well.
“Nothing,” he forced himself. “Thank you for understanding, Kit. I know this can’t be easy for you.”
“Hey,” she smiled, rising to meet him, “What are big sisters for?” She hugged him tightly. He didn’t appreciate it. For one thing, she was hurting him, but why stop her now when she was on such a roll?
He held her falsely, ensuring that her loving arms didn’t aggravate his wounds any further. All those years of pain and degradation – letting him feel like he was never good enough. What were big sisters for indeed?
________________________________

08/01/05

“Am I doing this right?” the girl flirted helplessly with Kim. She waggled her buttocks up and down on the step-machine, desperate to engage her spunky trainer. Kim stared past her, completely uninterested.
“Yeah, that’s great,” he listlessly tried to do his job, but his mind was miles away. Jesse noticed.
“Mate,” he pulled Kim aside, much to the young girl’s dismay, “Why don’t you take a break? I’ll cover for you here.” Kim tried to refuse – he wanted to try and stay occupied – but Jesse insisted. “Look, just take a few minutes. Go clear your head. You’re no good to me like this.” Kim agreed.
“I’m sorry,” he said, ashamed of himself. He shouldn’t have been bringing his problems to work with him.
“It’s fine,” said Jesse sympathetically. He patted Kim on the back as he headed out of the gym.
“Knocking off already, are we?” said a familiar voice as Kim reached the doorway. “Slacker,” Kit teased.
“Kit,” he said, shocked to see her standing there. “What are you doing here?” He stopped to think a minute. “Oh, you came back from Paris today, didn’t you? Sorry, I totally forgot about it.”
“Yeah,” she noted, “Robbie didn’t seem to be expecting me either.” She pretended to wonder what it might have meant. “Must have been something pretty big going on for you both to just forget me like that.”
“You spoke to Robbie?” Kim quickly tried to ascertain what she knew.
“I sure did,” she continued her act. “He told me how much you’ve missed me and how you haven’t been able to stop talking about me since I left.” Kim opened his mouth to say something, then bit his lip, smiling.
“He told you everything, didn’t he?” Kim concluded. Kit raised her eyebrow at him and crossed her arms.
“This is my big-mouth little brother we’re talking about,” she reminded him. Kim nodded. He should have known that Robbie wouldn’t have lied to her like that. “Kim, why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he tried to find a reason. “I guess I didn’t really think you’d mind.” Kit tried not to laugh out loud at his insensitivity. “Well I didn’t think you were that serious about us! You did skip the country.”
“Yeah, well you skipped all the way over to the other team,” she retaliated. “Jesus Kim, you sleep with me once and decide that you’re gay. You sure know how to raise a girl’s self-esteem.”
“Twice,” he corrected her, “And it wasn’t like that. I didn’t ‘decide’ that I’m gay. I just…realised it.
“Look, Kit, you’re like the coolest girl I’ve ever met, but it still didn’t feel right to be with you. And if I can’t feel right with you, then what hope has any other girl got?” Kit seemed to appreciate his reasoning.
“Okay,” she said reluctantly, “I forgive you. But that still doesn’t explain one thing: if you’re so into boys now, why the hell are you dating Robbie? He’s the biggest girl I know!” She laughed.
“Well if that’s true,” said Kim politely, “Then at least I can still wear that T-shirt you gave me: ‘Boyfriend of an extremely tough chick.’”
“Robbie?” Kit scoffed. “Extremely tough? Come off it.” Kim’s confidence didn’t waver.
“You’d be surprised.”

Robbie sat in the lounge-room on the verge of tears. He stared down at the open photo album in his lap. His throat closed as he focussed on a picture of a painfully naïve boy, standing next to a man who was clearly being told to smile: Jack Hunter, forced to appear happy with his greatest disappointment – his son.
“Robbie?” his mother’s voice drifted dotingly into his lamentations. “Sweet, are you okay?”
“Sure,” said Robbie, suddenly bright. “I’m fine.” He closed the album and smiled up at her. “I was just wondering if you ever cheated on Jack?” Beth stared at him incredulously. “You know, got a little of your own back? Because I’ve been thinking,” he explained, “And that would’ve been a really good excuse for him to hate my guts – If I was another’s man’s child.” Beth’s mouth gaped open in shock.
“Then again,” Robbie continued, “Kit seems to think that Dad just didn’t want a fairy for a son. Do you think that’s what it was, Mum? Maybe you agreed with him. Maybe that’s why you didn’t do anything to stop him abusing me, because deep down you knew it was for my own good. I’m sure that’s right, isn’t it? Mum?” Beth was speechless. She had no idea how Robbie could even think these awful things, let alone –
“Robbie?” Beth’s voice snapped him out of his vicious daydream. He shook his head, and looked up from the still open photo album. He realised that he hadn’t said anything to her. But he wanted to. He wanted to hurt his mother just as much as she allowed him to get hurt – more. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to ask her why he was never worth protecting. He didn’t have the strength to deal with the answer, or to get into an argument about it. Still, he couldn’t keep his emotions in check. He began to cry.
Beth sat down without hesitation and held her son. She saw the old photo of her late husband and realised sadly what Robbie must have been thinking. She held him closer and rocked him reassuringly.
Of course he would cry, seeing himself with his father. It was clear to Beth that Robbie had finally realised what a disgrace to Jack’s memory he had become.
___________________________________________
the songs were "better be home soon" by crowded house, and "the truth" by good charlotte, in case anyone was wondering

no-body sue!!

09/01/05

"Hey everyone," called Scott, walking into his family’s loungeroom, "I’m back!" His happiness fell into confusion as he saw his brother in tears over a dusty old photo album and his mother trying to consol him. "Hey, what’s going on? Rob, what’s happened?"
"Scott!" said Beth, registering his arrival. "Oh, nothing, " she added in answer. She hastily alighted from the lounge, giving Robbie a sobering pat on the back as she went. "Scott…" she rushed over to welcome her eldest son home (Robbie didn’t follow her), "I feel like I haven’t seen you in…"
"Six weeks?" Scott grinned and hugged her. He glanced over her shoulder at Robbie, who still looked upset. "Mum," he whispered, "What’s the matter with him?" Beth shrugged stiffly and broke away.
"Oh, don’t worry about him," she said dismissively. "So, how was Paris? Tell me everything!" (A very subtle change of subject, thought Robbie sarcastically as he cleaned himself up in the background.)
"I thought Kit would have bored you to tears with it all by now," joked Scott. "Where is she anyway?" Beth looked at him strangely. "What, she hasn’t left already…?" He groaned. "I know I was longer at the Palace than I said I’d be (have you ever tried getting away from Hayley when she hasn’t chatted to you in a month and a half?) but I still thought that Kit would have waited for me here."
"I haven’t seen Kit all morning," said Beth curiously. She looked back at Robbie to see if he knew anything about it. Robbie, having had enough time to compose himself, nodded at her.
"Yeah, she was here earlier," he said plainly. "But then she left. I’m not sure where you were."
"She left without speaking to me?" said Beth, slighted.
"Why would she do that?" asked Scott. "The plan was for me to take the luggage home while she came here first to see everyone. She was really excited about it too – she couldn’t wait. I don’t get why she’d leave without talking to anyone."
"Well she talked to me," Robbie corrected Scott before he could catch himself. This must have been obvious anyway, but he didn’t need to draw attention to it. To Beth, it was as good as a confession.
"You told her about Kim, didn’t you?" It was as if she had forgotten that Scott was in the room - she accused Robbie so openly. "What did you say to her?" Robbie glared back at her defiantly.
"I told her that Kim wasn’t here and that she could probably find him at the gym." (It stung him to talk about Kim’s absence so casually). "Why, what should I have said?" Robbie tested her; he didn’t know if his mother was ready to let Scott in on the latest family scandal.
"Does she know about you?" asked Beth in an icy voice, ignoring Scott’s continuing attempts to understand what was going on. Robbie shook his head, feigning cluelessness. "Does she know about you and Kim?" Beth practically growled her clarification. Scott gaped at them both, confused.
"Wait…him and Kim, what? Will someone please tell me what’s going on?" Beth locked her jaw to stop herself from answering, but Robbie invited her to do it.
"Go ahead Mum, tell him. Or don’t you want Scott to know what I am?" He was already angry over Kit’s revelations about his father – he didn’t need his mother acting like his condition was so shameful that she couldn’t even speak about it.
"I’m gay, Scott," said Robbie, impatient of Beth’s hesitation. Beth looked like she had just been slapped in the face. She turned her back on Robbie and focused her attention on Scott. She let her sullen features soften into a warm, if not nervous, smile.
"He doesn’t mean that," she assured him, "He’s just confused."
"No I’m not," insisted Robbie with surprising confidence.
"Teenagers," Beth ignored him, "You know how they are; they think they’re someone else every five minutes." To Beth’s surprise, Scott didn’t look shocked. In fact, he looked as though he might laugh.
"Robbie," he chuckled, "You’re not seriously back on that again are you? We talked about this remember? You’re not gay. If you’re having problems with Tash again…"
"I’m fine, thanks," Robbie interrupted him loudly. That’s all he needed, for Beth to hear about his ‘problems’.
"What, you knew about this," Beth squinted at Scott, "And you didn’t tell me?"
"There was nothing to tell," he grinned. "Robbie was just having a little…performance anxiety – "
"SCOTT!" yelled Robbie.
" – And he thought it meant that he wasn’t really attracted to Tasha; that he had to be gay, see? It’s ridiculous." Robbie jumped up, flushed with embarrassment and rage.
"Go to Hell Scott; I can’t believe you just said that! You have no idea what I’ve been through or how I feel, and the only thing that’s ridiculous is the unfortunate fact that I ever thought I could trust you!" He stormed out, leaving Beth rather alarmed. Scott, still trying to contain his amusement at his melodramatic little brother, put a comforting arm around her.
"Don’t worry Mum, you’re totally right about this being a phase; he’ll get over it." She didn’t seem convinced. "Really," he smiled, "It’ll be fine." He kissed her on the cheek. "Ah, It’s good to be home."
____________________________________________

guess what my favourite part of that was

I just realised I hadn't posted in here since apparently January o.o

But then I saw Heitie's post about Popcorn and could have sworn I did one about scavenging the scraps, but then I remembered that wacky day where all the posts disappeared, so I'll assume it got deleted..

Unless you suggested it be removed..

Or I just MEANT to do a post about the popcorn..?

I don't know.

This post is also here to make you feel bad about not doing any writing before leaving to watch tv tonight, too

Beth is such a bitch in your story

lol, yeah. yeah she is

you did post about the scraps, i remember it happening. i might have even vaccumed up what you'd missed, but now we'll all just have to live in heitie's filth forever. which should compliment my filth nicely.

*disclaimer* heitie is a very clean and tidy person, and if by some chance she did drop any of her popcorn, it is certain that she would have cleaned up after herself, and possibly salem after sharing her popcorn with him, because she's like that. rest assured that my filth's not going anywhere.

--

Robbie had gotten to the road above the beach before he worked out where he’d been headed: the gym. He grunted in annoyance at himself (bugging Kim at work was not going to help anything) and slammed his palms into the fence beside him. He swore and recoiled. Besides hurting both his hands, the harsh shudder that the action sent through the rest of his body made him realise that the adrenaline from his fight with Scott was wearing off. He could feel the pain in his side again, and taking a brisk walk through Summer Bay hadn’t done anything to lessen it.
He folded himself over the fence for support as he wept in frustration. He couldn’t understand how his life had become so messed up in such a short time…and now he didn’t even have Kim to get him through it.
“Robbie?” He froze. Crying in public – being seen – this was a new low. He tried to wipe his tears away before turning to see who it was, but then they asked “Are you okay?” and he knew he didn’t have to look.
“Kim,” he sniffed, “What are you doing here?”
“I work up the road, remember? Shouldn’t you be at home?” Robbie ignored him. He took his glasses off to dry his eyes more thoroughly. He was not sorry to have his vision compromised by this – it seemed to make this confrontation less awkward. “You’ve been crying,” Kim observed astutely. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Robbie lied obviously.
“Rob…” The caring tone in Kim’s voice defeated Robbie’s willingness to mislead him.
“Scott and Kit came home today,” Robbie began reluctantly. “I told them about us and…they laughed at me…amongst other things.” Kim sighed. He had thought it might be something like this. He held Robbie by the shoulders and, although Robbie didn’t look at him, tried to comfort him.
“Rob, It’s okay. It doesn’t matter if they don’t take us seriously at first – they’re probably just shocked; they don’t know how else to deal with it just yet. They’ll come around, you’ll see.” He moved closer to Robbie, but Robbie put a hand up to Kim’s chest to stop him (Kim had momentarily forgotten about the invisible barrier that surrounded his boyfriend these days).
“So there still is an ‘us’ then?” asked Robbie skeptically.
“Well you just said – ”
“I was telling them what we had,” said Robbie. “I seem to remember you walking out on me since then.”
“I left you so you could sort out your issues,” said Kim. “You were treating me like you didn’t even know me anymore and you wouldn’t even tell me why. I wasn’t going to hang around for that, it hurt.”
“I’m sorry,” glared Robbie. “I guess I should have gotten over my issues faster then.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Robbie tried to turn away from him but Kim caught him back. “I just wanted you to talk to me,” he explained. “I just wanted to know that you were still with me. But if you weren’t going to do that…I might have left you physically, but your mind checked out on me a long time ago.”
Robbie tried to ignore Kim’s hands as they clasped onto his shoulders. He stared evasively at the ground.
“Rob, please,” said Kim, “Just tell me what’s wrong. Why don’t you want to be with me anymore? And don’t tell me that you don’t love me because I know that’s not true.”
“How do you know?” asked Robbie defiantly.
“Because you can’t say it. If we were really over, if there was no chance of things between us going back to the way they were, you’d say so. I know you Rob; you wouldn’t string me along like this if you knew for sure that it was done.”
“You have so much faith in me, don’t you?” said Robbie sadly.
“I love you,” said Kim, as though the correlation between faith and love was indisputable.
“Don’t,” Robbie warned him.
“I can’t help it,” said Kim. He let his hands slip down Robbie’s arms, and drew Robbie’s hands into his own. “In fact, Jesse gave me the rest of the day off because I was so distracted thinking about you – if you were okay. Why don’t I take you home?” Robbie, touched by this fact though he was, started to pull away.
“I can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t go back there, not right now.”
“Come back to Irene’s then,” suggested Kim, massaging Robbie’s wrists with his thumbs.
“Tash…” Robbie reminded him. He didn’t think that him being in her house with Kim was the best idea.
“Tash is cool, remember? She’s happy for us. That is, if there still is an ‘us’…” He waited hopefully for Robbie to confirm his bold assumption. Robbie bowed his head for a moment, and then looked up at Kim.
Robbie moved forward to let Kim embrace him. He was still unwilling to verbalise his consent to continue their relationship, but Kim took this as a good start. He held Robbie tightly and kissed his cheek. Robbie successfully calmed his heartbeat against Kim’s and hugged back. Kim gently tilted Robbie’s head back in his hand and kissed him. Robbie, though cautious, didn’t object.

--

“What are you doing cooped up in here on such a nice day?” asked Flynn, spotting Dalby in the kitchen.
“I’m not,” said Dalby, “Well I wasn’t. I’ve been down the beach all morning with Tash. I just came home to have a shower and get some lunch and then…what?” He stopped as he saw Flynn grinning at him.
“Nothing,” said Flynn, trying to act casual. He had trouble wiping the grin from his face.
“Wait,” Dalby realised, “You think me and Tash…Oh whatever.” He seemed agitated by the implication.
“Hey,” said Flynn, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just really happy for you that you’ve found someone you can hang out with and talk to, that’s all. Someone your own age,” he smiled.
“Yeah, well,” said Dalby, a bit embarrassed, “Strange circumstances…”
“Make for strange bedfellows.” Dalby shot him a disapproving look. “Sorry.” Dalby checked his watch.
“Anyway, I gotta go. I told Tash…” He paused as he saw Flynn’s grin creeping back. “I’ll see you later.”

Tash looked up from the lounge as she heard the back door open. She thought it was strange that Dalby didn’t knock, but she sprang up to meet him anyway.
“Dalby, h– ” Her welcoming smile fell as she saw Kim and Robbie walk in. “Hi,” she finished hesitantly.
“Hey Tash,” said Kim nonchalantly. He led a reluctant Robbie into the house.
“Robbie,” said Tash, thinking she should say something, “How…how are you?” Robbie nodded shyly.
“I’m okay,” he said, feeling it rude not to make the same effort to speak. Tash nodded too, having already run out of things to say. She remembered why Kim was living here in the first place.
“So, you two have made up then?”
“Well we never broke up,” said Kim, bordering on sharply.
“No, I didn’t mean…”
“Yeah, we made up,” said Robbie in the interest of keeping the peace. Kim looked down at him, but didn’t say anything. He reached out and intertwined his fingers with Robbie’s; Robbie couldn’t help but feel a little possessed. Kim gestured towards the staircase, meaning that they should go up to his room. Robbie looked at Tasha for a moment. She smiled at him weakly; she was so obviously not okay with this. Robbie gave her an apologetic look and followed Kim as he led him away by the hand.
“She’s not ‘cool’,” said Robbie quietly as Kim shut the bedroom door.
“Yeah, well, she’s still getting used to seeing us together, isn’t she? It’s gotta be weird for her. You were her boyfriend.” He walked forward and wrapped his arms around Robbie. “But now you’re mine. Tash is just going to have to learn to deal with it.” He kissed Robbie’s neck. There was that feeling of being in Kim’s possession again…
“Kim, stop,” he said pushing Kim away from him. Kim backed off and sighed.
“You’re going to have to stop messing with me,” he said, frustrated.
“I’m not ‘messing’ with you,” said Robbie, equally as frustrated by the situation, “But I’m not stupid Kim. You just paraded me in front of my ex-girlfriend, and then told me that she’s got to get used to me being yours. I love you Kim, but if you’re going to be this mean to Tash about it and this possessive of me…”
“What?” asked Kim, quickly interrupting Robbie’s monologue.
“What…” said Robbie, confused by Kim’s confusion.
“You said you love me.” Robbie paused, then tried to look ignorant of it. Kim held Robbie’s face towards his own. “You did…You love me.” Kim smiled. Robbie didn’t. He pulled Kim’s hands away from him.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Rob…”
“It doesn’t matter if I love you! It doesn’t change anything.” He walked around Kim’s bed and sat on the other side of it. Kim crawled across the bed and knelt at Robbie’s back. “No one’s ever going to accept this,” Robbie continued as Kim started rubbing his shoulders, “And I don’t know if I can accept that.
“Rob, you have to stop thinking about other people,” Kim whispered gently to him. “Forget about your family, and Tash – even me. Just for one minute, think about what you want.” Kim rested his head against Robbie’s neck. Robbie brushed his cheek against Kim’s hair. “What do you want Robbie? Honestly?”
Robbie stared out the window. What did he want? For the longest time he’d been so confused by that very question, but now, sitting here with Kim, the answer was almost simple. Kim was right, this wasn’t about his family or Tash, this was about the two of them – how they felt about each other – and nothing else.
He turned his head to kiss Kim and twisted his shoulders slowly away from Kim’s hands. Robbie shifted so that his entire body was now facing his boyfriend. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Robbie put his hands on Kim’s chest, leaning down on him until Kim obligingly fell back to the bed.

--

Robbie lay motionless beneath the crumpled covers of Kim’s bed, staring contentedly into space.
“What are you thinking about?” asked Kim, shuffling closer to rest his arm across Robbie’s stomach.
“I’m thinking…you must be worried about me if you’re asking what I’m thinking.” They both smiled.
“Ok then,” tried Kim, “How are you feeling? Any better?” He rubbed his cheek against Robbie.
“Mmm,” said Robbie, “A little sore, but better. Definitely.” He lifted Kim’s arm from his stomach and held it to his shoulder. Kim’s fingers curled around to the back of his neck, gently caressing the damp skin.
“I love you,” Kim whispered sleepily, his head slipping back onto the pillow by Robbie’s.
“Ditto,” grinned Robbie, his voice a little hoarse as he tried to keep it down, so as not to disturb his lover.
As happy as Robbie was in this moment, his mind kept wandering to less agreeable issues. He sighed.
“What?” mumbled Kim, as though he might have been able to guess the answer. Robbie hesitated.
“…Tash.” Kim fought back a groan, but Robbie sensed it. “It’s just…well she’s right down stairs…Or she was. I think I heard the door before; I think she might have left. I feel kind of…well, not wrong, but…”
“I know,” said Kim, surprising Robbie (who had been expecting an argument). “But can we worry about that later? Can’t we just stay here for a while…alone…together…” He let the backs of his fingers catch around the tips of Robbie’s hair, toying with it softly. Robbie closed his eyes and pushed his head back into Kim’s hand, welcoming the shallow fingernails that turned to trail across it, and hummed appreciatively.
“What are you thinking now?” asked Kim quietly. He learned in to kiss the closest part of Robbie’s neck, while his fingers worked the other side. Robbie hummed again.
“I’m thinking…”

“This is driving me crazy.” Tasha glared up through the ceiling in the general direction of Kim’s bedroom.
“Yeah, I noticed,” said Dalby, who was watching her tiredly from across the loungeroom. “You haven’t moved from that spot since I got here. Do you want me to go up there? Cause I will if it’ll mean you’ll stop obsessing about it.” Tash turned her deadly glare onto him, but then seemed to reconsider her hostility.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just…they’re up there, in my house, doing God knows what with each other…”
“Maybe we should take a walk. Leave them to it.” Tasha’s glare returned for a moment, then softened.
“Nah, I have to stay. It’s not just them,” she assured Dalby as he began to roll his eyes. “Josie called before. She said she wanted to tell me something, in person. It sounded pretty important. I told her she could meet me here.” She glanced upwards. “I didn’t know that they’d be here when I said that though.”
“Can’t you call her back?” asked Dalby. “Tell her to meet you somewhere else?”
“She’d already be on her way,” said Tash. “Besides, they’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“We should really go down stairs,” said Robbie quietly, now returning the favour of stroking Kim’s hair.
“Mmm, why did you have to say ‘stairs’?” murmured Kim. Robbie laughed, playfully shoving Kim aside.
“Come on you, get off me. I have to go home. I’ve been gone for ages – mum will be getting worried.”
“Worried that you’re lying in a ditch somewhere, or worried that you’re lying here with me?”
“Both,” answered Robbie, “Equally, I’d say. And I’d like to get out of here before Tash gets back. Avoid that hassle if I can.” He dragged himself away from the bed. Kim sighed loudly and did the same.
Robbie shuffled slowly down the stairs, pausing slightly on each step. As one hand clawed bracingly at the railing, the other clasped to his injured side; it hadn’t appreciated the workout, or this subsequent jarring decent. Kim followed him down just as slowly, his hand resting lightly on Robbie’s back for extra support.
They stopped on the landing, and looked into the loungeroom. Tasha and Dalby were watching them.
“Ah…hi,” said Robbie sheepishly. Tasha looked down and nodded. Dalby waved, looking down also.
This was extremely awkward. Robbie felt like he should say something, but didn’t know what. Tasha looked like she just wanted to curl up and die, whilst Dalby and Kim seemed to be anxious to just move on.
“Come on,” said Kim to Robbie, breaking the silence, if not the tension. “I’ll walk you home.” Robbie nodded. “Catch you guys later,” added Kim casually as they walked on past Tasha and Dalby.
Dalby watched Tash carefully to see how she was taking this. She wasn’t displaying much of any emotion but he could tell that she was very upset. He stayed quiet, waiting for Robbie and Kim to be gone before he said anything to her, but a knock at the door disturbed their progress.
“Hi,” said Josie, surprised to see Kim as he opened the door for her. “Um, I was after Tash,” she glanced Robbie, “But if this is a bad time…” Josie saw Tash getting up quickly from the lounge behind them.
“We were just leaving,” Kim said pointedly, as he led Robbie past her and out of the house. Josie looked after them for a second, then back to Tash. This all seemed very odd, but she thought it best to ignore it.

Ah, dear sweet Josie. She'll make everything better

It was strange watching tonights episode of Home and Away, when Robbie was at Noah's talking to Beth. I'd only just read this, so I was expecting her to be a real bitch towards him