well. that should rattle Xena's chain. in this life anyway. oh my silly little Warrior Princess...still tolerating that little blonde bitch i see. when will you ever accept that she will most certainly be your undoing. if your ridiculous inability to extricate Ares from your life doesn't undo you first.

silly, silly Warrior...don't you know no one can undo you like i undo you...

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Alti's morning ritual...

wake up.
be evil.
endure.


kill something and eat it. or don't kill something and eat it. meditate to concentrate, hone and focus evil powers. make hat out of breakfast's carcass...

dreams are rare and fitful for an evil that never sleeps, yet one image remains clear through the mist of agonizingly painful memory of a time before all the evil and all the pain...it will be the ultimate act to erase all vestiges of good that ever once might have existed here...an image still clear as if it were here before me now in the flesh...the blonde bard's finally silent severed head wearing the glowing halo of Xena's chakram.

all my dreams should be this good...

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they never stop trying to complicate Xena's life, these pathetic Greek gods. they've all always been so fascinated by her. don't get me wrong, i understand the attraction better than any of them could ever possibly comprehend... but their petty interferences into Xena's reality are nothing compared to the reality i have planned for you, my Xena.

Xena, Xena , Xena....first your loves, then your life, then...your soul. you will be mine.

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such pain and anger in Xena's daughter...so much more interesting she is than that toad Solan. and so transparent. i need to tap into that rage before Mama Xena's motherlove tames the little hellion. she could be a very destructively useful force in the elimination of Xena's pathetic little hangers on...and no one would be the wiser of who's pulling the strings.


for now.....

note to self:
after this evening's visit to that cow Minya's sad little dream world, remember to implant the Xena/Widow Twanky subtext story you discovered in your forray into the 21st century.

well well...little Livia has proven very handy. surely Eli knows his lovey-dovey god is just as insignifcant as the Greeks compared to the forces of evil i'm going to unleash. but first things first...and the plan is playing out nicely.

strange though...Ephiny is not in the underworld or the Amazon land of the dead. i'd like to keep an eye on that one...she's pathetically weak, but persistant. just like an Amazon...

woke up with a strange rash on my feet and an appetite for pork. had a wild pig for breakfast. that seemed to clear up both problems...

Xena's left the twit parade unprotected, which was just my cue to find out which of their weak little minds will be the easiest to inhabit. Minya's delusions of granduer make her conscience mind too unstable to accomplish anything once i'm in her. besides she has all the moves of a drunken centaur. the young Amazon is tempting--now i wouldn't mind being inside her... but she's young and willful and i don't have the time to break her like she needs to be broken...slowly and painfully. i think for my purposes that bullet-headed moron with the kitchen utensil armor will work perfectly. and if all goes as planned, i should have quite a little surprise waiting for Xena when she returns.

i just need to make sure my spunky little Livia keeps mommie dearest away long enough for me to work my magic. funny...that one is young and willful too, yet she is so much easier to control. the anger is strong in that one, like Xena at her age. maybe i'll have the chance to truly unite our powers that i never had with Xena. oh my...wouldn't that just curl Xena's hair?

sometimes evil is just too much fun...

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how amusing these idiots who Xena allows to tag along behind her are...if Livia keeps Xena busy long enough i might have some time to enjoy myself. last night i watched that oafish sow wrestle for half an hour with a damn baby goat. i'd give her points for toying with a lesser opponent if it hadn't been such a fair fight. i actually thought the goat might take her for a while there. and how touching she called out my name as she finally took the poor beast down.

it's just about time to get this chakram back to Xena. i'm thinking maybe Miss Livia might like to have a spin with mommie's favorite toy before it ends up back in Xena's hand in time for me to...hehe...harvest my trophy....

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so the Amazon Queen has returned to the Land of the Dead. heh...she just never seems to tire of being gored by Romans. she does seem stronger for it though. i smell the interference of that brat Yakut. i know i should have sought that one out and smothered her in infancy when the signs indicated another Amazon shaman of great power had been born--she's been nothing but trouble since Xena helped her powers come to full fruition. i might just have to take care of her once and for all when this is over, if only for the sport of it. because when i'm finished with my plans for Xena, the powers of that puny Yakut will be no match for me...but that pleasure is for another day. Ephiny is hiding something. maybe showing her what Xena's insane little darling has in store for her number one son will distract her enough to let me find out what she doesn't want me to know...

Xena Xena, Xena...you certainly attract a better class of enemies than you do friends. you know i'm willing to wager what they say about keeping your friends close, and your enemies closer really hits home with you, doesn't it?

it seems your little creation Callisto paid me a visit...she's surely applied herself learning how to maximize her godly powers with abject hatred and a nice side of insanity. of course, she may have stumbled upon that accidentally. it's something the gods never quite figured out: for the most past, they were too indifferent to mortals to really focus on how best to torment them. if i had any confidence she'd adhere to my plan i'd take her as an ally. but that one's barely got any soul left to threaten; she's not to be trusted.

personally, i think i've been far too busy perpetrating evil to keep a journal, but my tHerapist says i have too...(can diaries have rimshots...?)

a funny thing happened on the way to visit my little Roman bitch. i stumblend upon the perfect bow for her present. just one of life's little treasures i suppose--who am i to question it?

i hope Livia's hatred keeps her focused...i can't afford her to get distracted now. now that i'm so close...the sheep are beginning to stray from the herd and that's my cue. the timing will be crucial..if Xena's daughter is as predictable as her mommie, the final piece of the puzzle will be mine. soon Xena...so very soon now...

the head of the Gabrielle--blonde bard of Xena's chronicles...Queen of the Amazon nation...the first disciple of Eli..symbol of all things good and pure and honorable--removed *whizzzzzzzzhkt* so swiftly, so delicately, so perfectly by the amazing weapon of choice of the dark Warrior Princess Xena...slayer of many...wrathful avenger... nemisis of man and god alike. the final item of my altar to evil's prevail over the powers of goodness. before the next full moon, Xena's soul will be mine, and i will add all the powers of her dark will to my own. and then, oh yes then, the real fun begins.

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dark incantations with evil intensions
time travel through mysterious dimensions
hot Warrior Princesses tied up with string
these are a few of my favorite things

bunnies and Bambis i'll use for a headpiece
head of the bard, such a beautiful dead piece
i love it all just as long as it's wrong
this is my favorite evil things song

when the dog bites
when the bees stings
oh i like that too
so if you like evil things
come woship me
and your soul i won't take
from you....

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<walks out of a ball of fire applauding>

Marvelous! Just marvelous!

I've got a proposition for enduring evil. Care to hear it?

bring it

i am going into seclusion...there is much to prepare. perhaps one day Xena will enter the storyline and become the action/adventure character she was once known as, and i want to be ready when (if) that day ever comes. it will be amusing to see what the misfit menagerie will do while they wait for something evil to which they can react...i suspect spirits will be involved.


and not the kind i like to conjure up...

I am the Alpha and the Omega. I know the end from the beginning in case you forgot. If you find some interesting changes to the story it just might be that I was there before you were just a figment in the imagination of the devil himself.-Eli

PS You really need to clean up around here!

Listens in on Callisto's proposal.

Wonder's if Alti eats meat?

Apha...Omega...i don't care what kind of car you drive. get the hell out of my lair, hairball.

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I like hairy balls.

oh, i eat meat. tender, tender juicy meat. sweet, young, raw meat.

but i prefer seafood.

<singing brightly and off key>
Here's to Alpha Phi Omega
Loyal Brothers we
True to self and to eachother
Firm in Loyal <breaks off giggling>