What if, speaking of relatives, my mom asked me to keep any developments about my sister's cancer to a bare minimum when telling other relatives?.

What if I can respect that, it's not like it's a small town where everyone HAS to know everything?

What if, I've learned the hard way not to share "too" much with some people anyway, so I get it?

What if my sister's getting decent treatment and doing somewhat better?

What if, in other news, not so much happening, waiting to hear from someone about a movie we were working on?

What if, indie movies, music, books, at least creativity is keeping me out of trouble(somewhat)???

What if the van is still not fixed..?

What if promises promises..LoL?

What if this guy does it, I can afford it..repair shop probably not?

what if a misc relative reunion in a couple weeks?

i can't say it's a family reunion cause i no longer have or am a member of a family. i do have miscellaneous relatives & that's what this gathering is for- cousins & their kin & me. But that's okay i guess, not like i have any other options.

what if it's almost summer, my long time fave season, & i just don't care anymore?

What if this has been the worst summer of my life?

What if I don't think there will ever be a worse one after this since Monday?

What if my Dad died unexpectedly from pneumonia complications. He'd been in the hospital for a week and the docs kept telling us he was doing fine, then better and better and then...the phone call and I'm like WTF???

What if I can't get my head around it, I'm pushing forward trying to be there for the family, help with necessities such as arrangements for the memorial, whatnot...obits...most of that is done but I find I'm just sort of standing here like a lost kid in a supermarket wondering where Dad is.

What if, should there BE an 'afterlife," I hope my dad's watching a ballgame with my uncles and grandparents and is glad not to have to worry about supermarket lines again, much less other earthly stressors.

What if aside from that...F--- 2018.

what if condolences for you, Kate?

i know what you're going through, having lost mama xc in Dec 2016. i lost my dad in '94. His doctors kept saying he was getting better then he passed from a major heart attack a week later. i've found that too many doctors suck or have some hidden agenda (often money) that overrules really caring for patients.

It's hard, i know it is & the loss will always be there. i'm not sure how close you were to him but if you need to, there ought to be places in your town where you can call just to talk to someone who isn't family. i do believe in an afterlife.

what if remember the good times with your dad and cherish them. Maybe base a character on him in one of your stories. i did that with both my parents in the books i'm writing.

Take it easy, Kate. i'll be thinking about you.

((((((Thank you, xc))))))

What if I will write more later, right now I'm kind of at a loss for words but it really meant a lot to read what you wrote. Thanks!

What if, I like the idea of putting him in one of my stories...I'm writing one now about families and relationships and all the stuffage that goes with that...on another planet. It's been healing, writing all that down. One or two characters have some particularly awesome traits similar to my dad.

What if, my mom just gave me a bunch of stuff of his including a travel bag, a bottle of metformin(I have diabetes like he did) and a cat. They'd had two cats, Bessie and Rose and Bessie really hated everyone except my dad. Rose was always very human friendly but liked cats too. Bessie had no time for Rose so my mom thought she'd be happier here with my cats. So now we have Rose. Right now she's hiding behind the piano but I'm sure she'll come out soon. If I can give her the same care my dad once did, that'll be at least some comfort. Cats are good for comfort anyway...

what if i finally saw some miscellaneous relatives on Saturday? It was a hot day -but i like it hot- and there was gathering of cousins in a town south of here. It's the kind of relatives you mostly see at funerals and rarely the rest of the year. They see each other much more frequently than i see them, my being the cousin. But that's okay, better than having no relatives at all.

What if maybe another reunion on other side of the family soon maybe?

What if it's getting somewhat easier dealing with my dad's loss, mostly because my relatives are pretty cool and they've sent some good warm wishes and memories?

What if it's nice to hear my mom say it helps her to pack all my dad's stuff up...kind of her way of saying her goodbyes as well?

What if, gone but never forgotten!!!

What if...it helps to have Rose here, too, she's very sweet and I think it helps her to be around her former human's daughter, altho she's a little shy around the other cats still. I think it's because Bessie, who pretty much established that she wanted to be the ONLY cat in my parents' house terrorized Rose, really. This was a big incentive for my mom to give Rose to me. She's coming out of her shell nicely.



What if...gonna listen to some more music and write, maybe do some money budgeting today. I really want to get an above ground pool for the backyard. It's only 100 and something bucks but we need to be able to afford it so...budgeting today. It's nice to be able to share a home with the ex hubs now that the drama is past and we're friends. We do co-own this place and thankfully it's paid for, except taxes and bills. At least I won't ever be homeless, something my dad was comforted by before he left...

what if mama xc helped me and i helped her through papa xc's passing?

With her gone, though, the remainder of the misc. relatives assume people should get over it in a short while. Hell with them,they're only close to people who are still alive. Someday they'll be grieving for someone they're close to & maybe they'll realize what i'm going thru...or not.

what if my mom got rid of my Dad's stuff too quickly then regretted it later on- however. i saved some of his stuff from being tossed out & later told her about it. People make too many rash decisions too quickly after a death.

What if, listening to music and feeling weird?

What if...trying not to think???

What if...la la la la la, la la la la lee?

What if, okay play it again, Johnny!!!!

what if still off work on Monday's as my staycation day through Labor Day?

The chief activity of my staycation seems to be...mowing the yard.

what if i don't really enjoy staycation but i dislike going to work even more?

No what if's about it,

RIP Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul

Her version of "Until You Come Back to Me" has been my favorite song of all-time since i first heard it many many moons ago.

Such a great, unique voice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJZwcaWResA

What if Labor Day?

what if...nobody else been posting here lately. i been working on my novels, in the near middle of book 3 for the 1st draft.

Hope all is okay for Kate, BrucE and Argy.

What if Labor Day, end of summer, and I got an above ground pool last month???

What if it was great for 2 weeks but then the pump started acting up, it leaked, then I couldn't find a filter for it cuz it's hard to find that type of filter even in pool supply shops, so I ordered one from Walmart.com???

What if, then, the pump REALLY stopped working so I ordered a whole new PUMP from Walmart???

What if it's coming tomorrow though, and hopefully the weather'll stay warm enough...usually in Philly warm weather lasts throughout September and even first 2 weeks of October?

What if I wanted to get this pool in June or July but couldn't manage money well enuff but after my dad's memorial service I said fuggit and splurged anyway????

What if, this one is gonna last, not gonna have it fall apart and have issues like the last pool we had in 2013?

What if...therapy comes in many forms!

What if on another up note, my health is slowly improving, found a great place that specializes in joint pain???

What if...slowly but surely gettin' my shite back together?

what if almost autumn?

Autumn makes me sad, always has. It's all that togetherness crap which always gets worse when winter rears its ugly head. *sigh* i need to find a good cave to move into, me & Natalie Adele.

What if, yeah here we are in September...holidays are gonna be a bitch this year.

What if, aside from that, trying to make the most out of the warm weather while we have it.

What if, trying to produce a movie, need a film and edit person and I hope I get one soonage!!!

What if, now that my health is starting to pick up...slowly but surely...I may just beat these doldrums that have lasted for nearly 5 years.

what if Columbus Day is tomorrow?

What a pointless holiday celebrating a cruel man who otherwise did not even discover America!

i said it before & i say it again, ditch the nonsense & make it Native America Day.

What if in honor of Native American Day tomorrow, I've changed my sig pic?

What if I hope it ain't too ding dang big but I'll fix it if it is?

What if the state of America these days is too insane to discuss and all I can do is chalk it up to karma???

What if, no excuses for countless practices since the world began of hostile takeovers of practically every country on planet Earth?

What if...America was supposed to be about freedom from not only dictatorship but from all the cruel injustices that went with dehuminization, which was the very POINT of people coming here from England to start a new country?

What if, you know, like the constitution and all that?

What if, what IS a constitution anymore?

What if these "ramblings" of mine are little more than "obvious over-simplifications" at best or "snowflake" as Trumpoid and his minions would say?

What if I still think the Native Americans could do a lot better running this country than what passes for a government now?

What if oh well...Happy Native American Day!!!!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

what if happy birthday to mama xc?

why is it that i am sure she's in a much better world than this evil one?

Here's hoping i get to that better world soon myself.

What if, Happy Birthday, Mama xc, on the other side where it's lovely?

What if, fall is officially here...that means the holidays are coming up, first time my dad isn't here for them?

What if that's going to be weird, especially at Christmas?

What if my dad used to love when we'd all decorate the tree on Christmas Eve?

What if I imagine we'll have a get together of sorts, something small?

What if...eh, maybe not, my mom might not want to celebrate this year which I'm actually expecting she'll say?

what if, I can't say that would bother me too much...since John and I broke up, Christmas hasn't been the same as it used to be anyway...and now with my dad gone, it's even more "meh?"

What if, death sucks but I guess the other side is nicer and I'm hoping all of our loved ones are doing what they love doing, and even more that they couldn't do on Earth?

What if i did not celebrate Christmas last year or the year before and i doubt i will ever again?

It just is no fun by your lonesome. Autumn & leaves changing colors reminds me a lot of mama xc. All the togetherness stuff they push on people round the holidays just makes it more painful when you're all alone.

If only i could hibernate, sleep until late February or even mid-April. If i have Trumpett's money i could do that.

what if meh, Thanksgiving on Thursday?

i juts want to hibernate until next spring to get through these holidays & cold weather & other depressing stuff this time of year.

oh well

What if i remembered the scrolls so i came to visit

What if we don't do thanksgiving

What if i have a new tattoo

What if HEY Amethyst how the hell are ya?

What if, in case my sig name is too unfamiliar right now, it's Kate, a.k.a. WP9.

What if I hope 2018 has treated you well?

What if, cool about the tattoo, ya got any pics?

What if how's Jess and the rest of the family?

What if I tried to get a tattoo once but it was too expensive but one of these days I'm gonna get one...just don't know what or where?

What if I still come to the scrolls from time to time, it's a great break from Twitter and Facebook, which can get nutty sometimes?

What if there's this girl who stans Johnny Depp like I do who told me she's secretly dating him?

What if, not that that's a new thing especially since he's single right now...lots of women online have told ppl they're dating him, but they all end up sounding like trolls?

What if ew, I need a vacation from weirdos and pop culture, so back to the scrolls I go!!!

What if, I also made a movie this year, a short film, local indie scene?

What if it won't win an Academy Award, but it at least kept me out of trouble as creativity tends to do...which I guess is a good thing?

What if I've been watching some cool new shows, well old shows, reruns but stuff I never watched before?

What if, things like the Sopranos, Dexter and Game of Thrones, but I'm having a bit of trouble getting into Game of Thrones.

What if it's a little dark for me, although I love fantasy, and basically write a lot of dark stuff myself...still, this is a bit triggering in parts?

What if I'm sure it gets better though, so I'll keep with it?

What if I watched the Twilight saga too and actually like it, but I can see a lot of the flaws other ppl talked about?

What if, but I don't think it's as "horrible" as many make it out to be?

What if, ah well...aside from that, onward and upward???

What if good to see you back, Amethyst, hope to see you again!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Free Madness,

What if my THanksgiving was somewhat decent...all things considered?

What if we got together at my sister's house?

What if she's doing great with the chemo treatments, which is awesome???

What if even my mom was in a relaxed mood, all things considered?

What if it was weird without my dad, but I did a toast for him, which felt oddly cleansing?

What if the food was good but I wasn't as hungry as I normally am on holidays?

What if, oh well, not complaining about that really?

What if we watched Casablanca after dinner?

What if I never knew what a byatch Ingrid Bergman's character was in that movie(well up until the end at least)?

What if I love Bogie's character though?

What if they sure don't make movies like that anymore though???